Happy New Year

Now I wonder, why when it comes to new year, people would plans to go to the Curve? I wouldn't go there, as it is not my style, I even don't have permission from the loved ones to go clubbing and stuff. Plus, I won't risk the chance of running into familiar faces there, especially the one that lives nearby

Now enough talk already, I'm not in the mood for much writing. My plan tonight for the new year is playing some cool games namely o2Mania and perhaps some bad-guy-shooting with Call of Duty. Yeah, anti-social I may be, but at least I'm not doing something stupid, like I love you (Robbie William and Nicole Kidman's something stupid ahakz)

And not forgetting Allah too, maybe some Zikir afterwards and a few solat sunats. Oh I'm so far away from my mum, I wonder how I'm going to manage this...

En. Shah, if u're reading this, please lah En. Shah, jgn shuffle kelas kami semua, aku sayang semau classmates aku semua, walaupun aku jarang cakap dgn mereka semua...

Until We Meet Again

Lost, lost, lost. My thing seems to keep going away from me. The ultimatum to such discovery is that the last time I travelled to Shah Alam by bus, I've lost all my apparels and stuff, stockings, underwear, you know. So yeah... Sad face, lingering by the roadside, putting an ugly miserable face for a show for people passing by

List of thing that disappeared from my life, things I kind of treasured
>RM200 plus that is the class' money for the Biology textbook. It was actually the first time that people believed in me and trusted in me over the responsibilities of handling the money. In spite of me, being aloof and all, and somebody just have to steal them...
>My very first Identification Card, or MyKad as they so insist to call, was lost just before the end of the year's holiday sometime I can't remember. Because of that, I almost missed the oppurtunity to accompany my mom on a trip somewhere I can no longer remember now
>Celcom RM10 prepaid. Sounds like nothing big aite? But because of it, I've lost my dad's trust on me, and how he scolded me and left me feeling insecured about myself, whether I can even trust myself
>Not once, but twice I've lost my pendrive. Thing is, inside it contains the pictures of so many of my old friends back in the MRSM era and my juniors, which of now I can never replace. Losing that one somehow felt like losing my friends back then, and the treasured memories that I hold dear
>Nokia 6120 classic that is the gift from my sis. It was like when I lost my pendrive, except that my phone contained the pics of my friends from the UiTM, and also lots of long-lost friends number that I might never see them again. Need I explain further more?
>Look up, it's the ultimatum I mentioned before

But, enough. I'm just sick of this own self-sympathy. When I lost the bag, all the rage somehow were channeled out of me, as I keep shouting and messing around and making bad and dirty jokes both at the same time (thanks to Pak Din and Amri for putting up with me XD poor guys). I felt myself more open to talk, instead of just holding back everything inside. Back then, when people blamed me for my misfortune, I just kept it inside of me, saying that it is truly my fault, I'm the weak guy, I'm the sad one, without really doing anything to change myself for the better

After much shouting at Kolej Meranti and playing DoTA at my sis' house, I felt relieved now and will try to change myself for the better. Haha revelations? Think for yourself

First step, less self-sympathy in this blog. Therefore, I'm changing my header to "Until We Meet Again". It kinda have some positive vibe to it, plus it reflects my own desire to see all of my old friends again

Start of sem 2, baju yang aku akan pakai semuanya adalah baju2 bundle XD

5:18 AM

5:18 AM. It's been a long time since I got the opportunity to turn nocturnal and roam around into others personal space that they deliberately put up on the Net. Haha, skip that negativity, its people's right eh? Out of the blue I'm pointing this out, simply because my sis had somehow sneaked in to my blog, and wallah, cat outta the bag. That's kinda suck

Such is the price for the chance to write a blog this near subuh. Ya Rabbi, I kinda miss this kind of time, ya know? Last time I was at my another sis' house during the holidays, and imagine the amount of new things I've learned along the way. We all got the Net to thank for eh? Another point to score is, I got plenty of time to sit in front of a laptop and start writing a lengthy post such as this one. And ahh, today's a bit special, there's another reason why I started to write again

I've lost my cellphone, and I'm itching to release some stress here

So it happened. I don't want to talk much about it, 'cause I got stressed all over just thinking about that one. But darn it, I really want to say something, to somebody anyway anywhere. But you know, just forget it lah. When I'm scolded by my dad by about the next few hours, whereas should I be so bloody stressed to a boiling point, then I'll really start bitchin' about it. Sorry for the bad and rude choice of words, can't help it

BTN, BTN, yeah I haven't talked about that one yet, since I'm so preoccupied with my latest exam result. But lately, I haven't talked anything at all about, anything, pretty much write about it here. But being nocturnal do changes a certain thing, as with certain perspectives. So, BTN. What should I write about it. Definition, what, where, how, the normals

Biro Tatanegara. It is quite confidential in some ways that we're not allowed of our cellphone inside the camp (damn memories of my cellphone T_T) as to prevent us from outside contact. Will I be safe talking about it here? Mainly it is about... I myself don't have the mood to write in details about what BTN is all about, why bother worrying whether I'll be safe writing this one or not (mind ya, that's just sarcasm). If you wanna know what BTN is all about, go there for yourself, end of story

I just simpy want to talk about the activities there, what scar did it inflict on me, what happiness it temporarily brought upon me. First thing first, I got new friends. Especially from the Hawa side of the humanity. Since I'm just so painfully shy with the girls, it is hard for me to befriend them unless they are directly connected to me, e.g same class, similar friends, groups. Therefore, I'm kind of glad that BTN somehow gave me the chance to mingle with some of them and open up to people easier. Thing is, my family are worried about my aloofiness(?) in the society, and thought that I will not learn any social skills and ultimately transform me into a lonely freak that cowers in the presence of human being

Plus, that's what she told me to do before she left me forever for good

That aside, another thing about BTN is that it somehow pushed me for the better either physically or mentally. All the Kembara Hutan, flying fox, and stuff helped me move my big bottom a bit after weeks of pampering myself in front of the PS2, hey I got weight issues now :( heh. And the LDK provided by the facilitators there, mind-raking they are, my sleeps afterwards were accompanied by brain cramps. Get the idea? But through and through, I'm glad BTN sponsored all of this activities, as somehow my laziness is overpowered and I'm kind of revived, though for only a short while. Yatta!...

Hey, I can already start applying for my degrees now. Wonder how things will turn out afterwards...

Jitra-S.Alam-Ulu Sepri-S.Alam-Jitra-S.Alam, letih berjalan 2-3 menjak nih...

Exam Result?

I'm back from Negeri Sembilan after about 3 days of BTN there. The thing is, result is out for people to see them, and me, being a normal human being, can't resist the urge to see mine with swift haste. What a lovely surprise I got when I did just that

Hey, never in my life that I ever get a pointer of 3 and above, and that's saying something considering of 4 semester of my days in MRSM Beseri. Maybe to you guys, it's not such a big deal, but in a certain perspective my life is still young, and when you don't really excel and got real bad results, it can really get to your nerves somehow. So yeah, when I get 3.22 for my pointer I can't help but to say, Alhamdulillah, finally

Still, my mum, my sis, my dad just have to still criticize me, and kept saying that I could have easily achieved 3.5 and above. Looking at my own result, which I had done so repeatedly on the way back home, perhaps that's the truth after all. Though I only got 2 A, the other 5 or so subjects is at very least B- and more. I mean, who in Tanah Melayu would get B for his Sejarah or Mesian Studies, Computer Literacy, and worse Islamic Edu. I could easily scored A for those, and the very least snatched a minimum of 3.5. So yuh, more regret in my life

The thing is, I'm just too lazy. LAZY

I could've blamed it on my bloodline. If the Arabic tall dudes is known for their temper as their vice, perhaps in my blood there's just pure laziness. Aha, but I do have some Arabic blood in m heritage also that came from my dad's forefathers, so I'm kind of both lazy and have high temper, which kind of sucks. But that is just stupid lah, to blame on something that is subjective and after all, it's Allah gift bestowed upon us for a reason. I know it is there, and so it will, therefore I know I can always go and change myself for the better. So, what's my problem here?

It's a simple tradition where people start a new azam or whatever they are called in Brits languange upon the arrival of new year's dawn. So in response to my family's "attentiveness" to my result, next time I'm gonna show them a perfect 4-flat result to shove at their beautiful faces. Or perhaps just 3.5 and above, hey we gotta aim for the moon, so that we can at least fall on the stars aite? So yuh, that's my numero uno azam this new year around. I'm just sick of regrets in my life, particularly on my studies

Hey, next sem around, the beloved Mr Shah will reorganise the whole 4 groups of the TESL Foundation boys and girls, so perhaps I will not be in the same group with most of my former groups, perhaps all of them. Numero dos azam next year around, I'm gonna make more friends, gotta kick away the old habit of being painfully shy and an anti-social bastard and start to be myself again

I don't want to brag (really, I mean, :P hehe, oh what the hell) I got A for my Grammar. Just wanna tell that, since both my sis and my dad insist on how bad my grammar is :P


4 hari lg balik Shah Alam pulak. Sapa nk ikut?

Old Friends

15th of December. Never had I though before that such a plain and common day can be such a nice day to meet some old friends, either just plain coincidence or some meeting up at Tasik Darulaman. Nice lah to see some familiar face after been bunking up at home, my sis' at that, playing games with nothing else to do

Just a day before I went to Shah Alam for the BTN stuff, I met with many people I thought to have either not see them again or perhaps sometime in the future. But, as we all know, the future is a mystery, who knows what might tomorrow, aite? And talking to them, knowing that they still remember us and still take us as their friend, that's a gift, really

So yeah, I'm hell glad that I can see them again, today. Alhamdulillah

Celaka betulah BTN nih, aku baru ja nk rapat balik ngan kawan lama kat Jitra, ko plak dtng menyemak

Oh

I wonder, what should I write eh? Sometimes when the bulb does light up on my head, I found myself without a proper internet connection. I don't even have a laptop to start with. So maybe the idea of finally deleting this blog, truly delete it mind you, so yeah... Maybe

Oh, selamat Hari Raya Aidiladha anyways. Somehow Raya Haji this year felt more eventful than Raya itself

Letih bawak keta balik kampung ulang-alik...

She's Back Yuh

"Hah, ada nasik kat dapoq? Biaq betoi?", is what I said in surprise this afternoon

At last, she's back, my mum is. It is weird to think that I was the one who picked her up yesterday, but somehow I'm still used to her absence from before. Oh how I linger for her ever delicious cooking that is always the culprit behind my weight gain since the last holidays. Ohhh ikan pekasam, pajeri nanas, and karipap special made...

Now, enough nonsense. I'm just happy that our family's center of universe is back and everything went back to normal. I started to think about thing I'm not supposed to and thinking about her, I wonder if the loneliness would continue what kind of stupid thing I would've done

Heyy, now I know. Stuff at Indonesia is very cheap, I mean VERY

Since aku tak payah risau pasal nasi lg dh, aku dh boleh start balik guna duit aku untuk game heee :P

In Spite of Me

God, it was late, I was drunk
You saw me
The one by my side wasn't you
I'm sorry

And I knew right then
That I lost you there
But you took me in

In spite of me
You made me feel invited
Nobody else
That is what I decided

Selfish and dumb, stupid and young
Yeah, that's me
But from all of the wrongs, you make it right
And forgive me

It's been said before
But I'll try once more
You are the one

God, it was late
I was drunk
You saw me
The one by my side
He wasn't you
(You made me feel invited)
I'm sorry

Nobody else
That is what I decided

In spite of me, you're here
You made me feel invited
Nobody else
That is what I decided

In spite of me, you're here

In spite of me

In Spite of Me, by Marion Raven. Hahaha, how true I wish the lyrics would be for me and her. But, nahhh... I'm such a stupid insensitive man before, and it seems like I can never learn. There's no chance I'll be able to change the past

Karma huh. You hurt somebody, you're bound to be hurt someday

Allah ciptakan Hawa untuk membolehkan anugerah teman hidup dan juga keluarga. Jaga lah anugerah itu elok2...

Lonesome

That feeling came over me again, the irresistible urge to go delete this blog, Myspace, Friendster, and go feeling bad about myself somewhere in a corner. So yuh, that's me in a way, a loser that is easily stressed out by loneliness and exaggerates his wound so others can sympathize with him

Thing is, my mom's not around here anymore. She went to Jakarta a few days ago, which should have included me but for some stupid reason, I'm ditched here alone in the house. Of course, my dad is a;sp here, but he only stays in the home 3 times a week, even with the absence of my mother. My sister, well, she's such a lazy sister and cook, I only bother going to her house so that I can play with her son and play the PS2. So yeah, basically I'm an 18 years old dude who have the whole house to himself (sometimes) and both a car and a motorbike ready to be used

Sounds like fun, the idea of such freedom isn't it?

Yet, all the euphoria of having the right to wander alone by your own free will stops there. I'm darn HUNGRY. No matter whenever my dad take me for lunch or dinner or I go to my sister's house or I just simply go anywhere I like to satisfy my hunger, it somehow never feels enough for me. Had to admit, since I was indulging my mum's cooking non-stop since the holiday started, I miss it now. Though, yuh, I've gained a few bulge here and there, I don't mind it even a little, in fact, I just don't care

To put it simply, I'm just lonely here, without my mum suddenly I felt like I've lost the center of my universe. Somehow, oh somehow, with her departure, somehow I feel like everything else seems to be going far away too. For example, the closest family member that I have now, which is my dad and sister. Remember the saying, so close yet so far away? Let just put it that way. So in a way, I visit the cyber cafe regularly, checking my Friendster and Myspace accounts...

But that's just stupid, hoping on something that isn't there in front of you

Harap2 sangat cuti kali ni cepat habis, dan mak balik la cepattt...

He's on Paper

Greetings

A short note, Asyraf is now on paper after he's been on TV. For all lovely ladies and gentlemens that have been reading my previous post before know who Asyraf really is and what his condition really are

Here's the update

Sekarang tngh busy menghabiskan Suikoden V, habis tht, Suikoden III, IV, Grandia III, bla3 dlm masa cuti nih...

Post-it-note

Assalamualaikum wbt, and welcome...

Greetings put aside, let me tell you the truth. I'm not in the mood to write anything, pretty much lengthy post like I'm used to create before. One could see it coming, as my blog seems to be lame lately

Not to disappoint, myself at that particularly, I've got a new blog to follow. The author is actually the very first nephew I've ever got when I was little, at two months old. Imagine, we're about the same age, and he called me uncle. Wonder wonder. Oh yuh, his blog is a little bit jiwang, but perhaps you guys won't mind

Well, since I can't write now, gotta read somebody else's right?

Boring duk rumah, pi cc main spore ngan red alert 3 ja kejanya

Home Sweet Home

As the title suggest, :)

Monster

Ahhh, another drama unfolding in just a short period of just two weeks. Reminder, when I say drama, please don't think of it as 'drama', where shit happens, this and that, bla3 like in the TV soap drama. What I mean to say is there's so much happening here right now.

I had always known of my own anger, the length and tha aptitude of it. How I can just explode and burst out in an instant away. Through the years of my life's course, I've seen me hurting people all the way because of my anger. And sometimes, I can't help but to wander, is it the reason why I have been alone all this while? When I'm with my family, sometimes I just ended being a corner somewhere minding my own business. When I'm walking with friends, I always find myself to be at the back of the group, left out of all discussion taking place

Yeah, I've been known to be quite the shouter and the curser when I lost it. For that very reason I've lost some good friend. Though most of them I managed to get apology from, still, I will always feel regret for hurting them, especially for the one that I didn't manage to say sorry to. I feel like a monster, hurting everyone that ever get close to me. O Allah, why did my anger can't be controlled? Maybe I'm to blame myself, for not reciting holy verses that I could learn, but always being procrastinate to learn it

And I never sit down, when I need to do it most

To Pak Din, Zack, Amri, Izo, I don't know if you guys do read my blog, but I just wanna tell you guys that I'm really sorry for bursting out at you guys. Especially Zack, eventhough you cracked me with your stupid acts, but I had done some stupid things to you also. I'm not in the place to be angry with you guys at all, I just don't have the right. I'm a weak person, and I'm still learning. Sorry, for shouting at you guys that night, and for avoiding you all ever since

If not, I don't know if I can't stand the loneliness again

Exam dh nak abeh, napa lah time nih perangai lama aku nk jadi balik? Oh rumahku...

Forgiven

It only takes a minute to get to know someone, but an eternity to forget them back. How true that saying is...

Couldn't save you from the start
Love you so it hurts my soul
Can you forgive me for trying again
Your silence makes me hold my breath
Oh, time has passed you by

Oh, for so long I've tried to shield you from the world
Oh, you couldn't face the freedom on your own
Here I am left in silence

You gave up the fight
You left me behind
All that's done's forgiven
Though forever you'll hate me
I know deep inside
All that's done's forgiven

I watched the clouds drifting away
Still the sun can't warm my face
I know it was destined to go wrong
You were looking for the great escape
To chase your demons away

I've been so lost since you've gone
Why not me before you
Why did fate deceive me
Everything turned out so wrong
Why did you leave me in silence

You gave up the fight
You left me behind
All that's done's forgiven
Though forever you'll hate me
I know deep inside all that's done forgiven


So you won't talk to me again, ignoring me like I don't even exist in this world. Since you would go as far as refusing to acknowledge me as your first love, then I'm gonna do the same. Live your life without me, for now I will never try to remember your face again nor your name ever again

Ahmad Ariffuddin has never been in love before, and he won't care about the past anymore, only the future. Only the future...

Exam x abeh lg, Selasa nih dh la ada MUET speaking plak. Maseh Fauzan kos tip aku sket utk MUET speaking nnti :)

Mesian Studies Can Kill You


Look at what 15 chapters of Sejarah in English in just one night can do to you...

Haduih, hehe xnak procastinate lg dh pasni. Naseb baek next sem mesian studies xdak dh, cos akan digantikan dgn drama. Wait, wth?!!!

Break

Sadness, no use in trying to heal it. What's done is done, no need to succumb in it anymore. Forget all about it, and start to focus again, eheh

Final exam and MUET, remember?

Totally pointless, tapi aku nk wat camna? Blog ja tempat aku vent punya kebabian hidup nih, since family aku xdak kat sini. Waa aku rindu Kedah gila2

Take a Break

This pic was taken one day after subuh, and it was raining. Heaven for those snoring boys in my room

I stayed up all night until the next morning, from the midnight to the next subuh, and the reason for me doing so is that I was finishing the Mesian Studies essay. I don't know if my body can take it anymore, lately it seems like I haven't had enough sleep. Assignments, test, playing games, all of this demanding activities has finally taken some toll on me in terms of sleep. Thus, hereby I'm proud to declare that I am an insomniac now

Enough of that bullshit up there. What I'm really trying to say is that I'm really tired lately and in need of some rest. So that's why I'm staying at my sister's house during this Deepavali, and meet up with my nephews and niece. At least I can let off some steam here

And oh yeah, exam's on this Wednesday. With money running short, this is all we could enjoy at the moment. Oh, what the heck

Rupa-rupanya pembedahan Asyraf nnti adalah yg pertama kat Mesia, so perhaps nnti akan masuk paper. Heheh, ada can la aku nk tumpang glamer :P

Lost at Words

Okay, now I truly give up. When I no longer have time to blog, nor do I have the ability to write when I do get a chance to write a new post, it's time to fly somewhere first right? For the time being, it's going to be towards the exam hall, haha whatever jela

Soon, I'll be flying to Indonesia :-)

Cepatlaa habis exam ngan MUET. Mekaseh pada Mohd Haziq Hanafi kerana sudi bawak aku balik Kedah dengan dia nnti nih, jimat duit tiket aku

Behind a Smile

Perhaps blog is the best place to bent out all of your feeling when you can't show it to the world, as I observe it. I've seen people singing song happy and putting happy smiles on the outside, but their blog is like a dead man's diary, full of sadness and sorrow. Therefore, I'm dedicating this song to you guys, because perhaps if this is what you're feeling, know that there are others that share the same feeling as you...

Cause I don't know what I should do now
When I've exausted all I know how
Still all of my efforts, they fail me
Leaving me broken and empty
I can't go on, half living this life on my own
Cause I'm hiding behind this smile
No, I haven't come out for awhile
See there is this place so empty inside me
I keep hiding behind this smile
There must be some place warmer than here
Because my teeth just chatter and I live in fear
But every attempt I attempt just impails me
Leaving me broken and empty
And I can't go on, half living this life on my own
Cause I'm hiding behind this smile
No, I haven't come out for awhile
See there is this place so empty inside me
I keep hiding behind this smile
Cause no I'm not okay
No I'm not alright
Cause I'm hiding behind this smile
No, I haven't come out for awhile
See there is this place so empty inside me
I keep hiding behind this smile

And oh, by the way, this song is sung by Matt Wertz. He has been around, just that perhaps people hasn't notice much of him. Touring with likes of Jason Mraz, Jamie Cullum and Gavin DeGraw, heard in the movie My Super Ex-Girlfriend, surely he's something worth to listen to

Lirik lagu lagi. Kemanakah ayat2 aku ini menghilang?

Falling Slowly

I don't know why, but it seems that lately I have lost my words, literally. I can't write what my thought is processing inside my head, and it's annoying me like hell. Thus, here I am again, putting the lyrics of the current song I'm listening too. And as always, it's the lyrics that draw me towards a certain song

I don't know you
But I want you
All the more for that
Words fall through me
And always fool me
And I can't react
And games that never amount
To more than they're meant
Will play themselves out

Take this sinking boat and point it home
We've still got time
Raise your hopeful voice you have a choice
You've made it now

Falling slowly, eyes that know me
And I can't go back
Moods that take me and erase me
And I'm painted black
You have suffered enough
And warred with yourself
It's time that you won

Take this sinking boat and point it home
We've still got time
Raise your hopeful voice you had a choice
You've made it now

Take this sinking boat and point it home
We've still got time
Raise your hopeful voice you had a choice
You've made it now
Falling slowly sing your melody
I'll sing along

Semua orang ada kisah sedih depa yang sendiri. Kelas aku, adalah salah satu example yang cukup baik untuk lihat contoh2 kesedihan yang ada di dunia ini. Aku secara jujur harap diaorang semua dapat happy seperti sedia kala, seperti wajah yang sering depa pamerkan

An Unexpected Call

Ya Allah Ya Rabbi, please be with her during these hard times...

Kakti called this morning while I was having my brunch (breakfast + lunch), and though I was a little bit pleasantly surprised, she told me the bad news. Asyraf, her son aka my nephew, just had another surgery last night. I mean, wth, aren't his second surgery should be done later, but it seems like his another lung collapsed. Astaghfirullahalzim...

Gosh, I wonder how is she taking all this all in. Things are not going well lately, especially with her own personal problems, and now this. When she called me, she offered to fetch me from my college to her house, so I could visit Asyraf. Normally, I would have agreed instantly, even as I have some kind of MUET bengkel stuff tomorrow, heck, I would even skip class should there be one tomorrow. But, I said I would think about it first, as I remembered my dad's advice not to disturb her during this times, so later I messaged her that I couldn't make it...

I wonder, if it is the right thing to do. I know, as my dad said, my presence in her house will make things worse, considering the problem she had with that guy. But somehow, deep inside, I think that somehow if I'm there with her, maybe I could help console her a bit, be her strength like she used to do for me. Quoting from the anime Honey and Clover...

Hagumi fell sick, and she is admitted to the hospital. During this times that many of her friends, mainly her admirers visits her, but as she doesn't have any more relatives in this world, she feels very lonely. Ayumi, being her best friend, is the only one who could really brings back joy to her, but Ayumi, feels that she is not needed to accompany her, as Hagumi has many admirers coming to visit her. A man, I can't remember whom, said that

"She need you the most right now, you might think that she is okay, depending on her face, but she is really lonely now. Go to her, and you will understand"

When she go to Hagumi's room bringing some fruits and smiles, both of them realize how important they both are to each other. I wonder if it is the same with me and my sister?

Kesian Asyraf. Dahla dia yang paling rapat ngan aku antara semua anak menakan aku after Umar. Doakan dia cepat sembuh, semua please

New Stuff, New Lane To Wander

Wowh, I never thought that the Great Britain land hides so many interesting story and things around. Lately, I've been expanding my horizon on my reading and my listening, just kinda want to refresh myself a bit. Well yeah, to kill this emo feels

Sophie Kinsella's Shopaholic series. At first glance, I thought that I must get away from this book, gotta go away. Like, that's so girlish or whatever. But since that I'm stuck in my sister's house and all of her other books I've read them all, I guess maybe I'll just take a sneak peek. Hell, she is hilarious! Becky, the main character, is so damn funny, the story revolves around her overwhelming shopping desire, and how she gets in and out of trouble. Hah. Now I understand better why girls are just so driven to shop, even though they are either out of strength or money

Kate Nash. Her songs are, like, wowh. Her song is very different from what we can normally hear in the Malaysian radios, which recently kept repeating the same music again and again, lame-o lah. "I usually create my music by looking through my diary, picking out creative words to express my life...and turn them into songs," is what she said. Haha, well maybe some of her lyrics are corny for some, examples Dickhead :P, but that's what made it all so intriguing

Oooh, how I regretted declining the IPG offer, then I can go to England :-(

Credits to that blog, for her words and choice of songs had helped me sort out my head a bit. "I'm currently sick with the mainstream movies," yeah, you rock girl :D, wish you luck in your SPM

Eh, nampak girlish kah aku ini? Aku kesah apa ngeh2 XD

The Number Obsession

Owh yuh, I guess the reason that I still keep updating my blog even as I am NOT supposed to is that Internet connection is real easy for me to find. Gahhh...

Tell me, when do you first created your blog, are you concerned about the statistics available in your blog, for examples the number of people who views your profile? Are you desperate each time to find an Internet connection so that you can review on who gives you comment so that you can quickly reply it? If so, please don't be embarrassed to admit it, because it is, as I think so, normal for people who just started blogging to feel that way

It should past soon, that number obsession. Especially when about 350 plus people had viewed your profile, especially when your post number had hit the bar of a hundred. After that, you will realize what your post had been all about, and you will rethink your method of writing and style

Especially, when certain special people starts viewing your blog, the number obsession will past soon

Makin pendek plak post aku lately neh. Agak laa, dulu depa rajin kata yg blog aku panjang2 sngt, depa malas nk baca

Miss Her...

I miss my mom. Before this I only called her only once in a while, heck, sometimes she called me first. So okay, from now on, I'm going to call her every night onwards, until the final days of me living. Call me whatever, tease me manja or whatever shit, but I love my mom, what do I care?

Really need my mom. Even as there's a thousand girls around here in Shah Alam, my mom still tops everyone else

Bila aku dkt ngan mak aku, aku jd gemuk coz masakan mak aku sedap2 gla. Org kata bla aku gemuk aku nmpk happy, tarak emo2 sngt, so now aku x kisah kalau aku nmpk gemuk ke apa, aku nk mak aku!!!

Pelangi Petang


This pic was taken during my journey back from Tesco Shah Alam

Have anyone here ever heard of Sudirman's Pelangi Petang? It is a damn good song to listen to, though before this it give little significant meaning to me as I didn't hear much of this song during my childhood. Still, its a nice song to listen to when you have some free time

It's been such a long time since I've seen a rainbow. I can still remember when I was little that I always get excited whenever I see a rainbow, plus the fact that my childhood is a rainy one and rainbow are often my company during lonely times. I guess rainbow is just too rare nowadays, you have to be real lucky to even find one...

Engkau tiba bagaikan pelangi
Tak bercahaya namun kau beseri
Tapi cukup menghiburkan
Hati ini...

Okay, Pelangi Petang dh officially masuk dalam list lagu Melayu terbaik sepanjang zaman aku, tp still Belaian Jiwa on top heh :P

Does Anyone Know

Autumn brought some kind of change
Sky's not as blue as it used to be
The moon won't come out and the sun stopped its shinin'
It feels like the entire world isn't turnin' no more

Lost for the sound of her voice
The smile and the touch and the tenderness
Every night I can feel her beside me
But then I awake to the pain that I'm dreamin' again

Does anyone know where my baby's gone?
I've just got to find her
I wanna right what I've done wrong
Does anyone know when she'll come back ‘round?
I've just got to tell her
That no one will love her
No one will hold her like me

Can somebody tell me?

Actually la kan, aku just cilok je lirik nih, dan wat dia jd cam pantun, tuka2 sket. Cuba teka dr lagu apa, I dare u. Copyrights? Eheheheh :P

Lonely, I Guess?

Ngehhh...

I've told myself that I shall not write anything new again until the end of my final exam and MUET. But I guess that's me all over again and again, I've done this before and I keep continuing it. I've even told here that this blog has no purpose left and was considered of being deleted, yet I've kept this blog alive still

Guess it shows you how important expressing my thought is to me

I miss them both. I know, I have no business of missing them at all, being now just Ariff to them, no significant meaning. But little they both know, that they are the ones that is important to me. Though one really hates me, I still find myself all over her still. The second one, she always gave me good advice even though she thought that I somehow despise her. Little that they know, they are the reasons now that I'm a better man, they are the reasons that I kept standing up again, even as I'm feeling like the world's a bad place to live

One hates me, and refuses to even communicate with me in every meaning whatsoever, while the other one had left already without I'm being able to say anything to her. Let's just say, that I miss them and is longing to see them again...

See, kan aku dh kata kalau aku wat post baru gak, it akan jd feelings-oriented

Full Bahasa Melayu

Hoho, bunyi tajuk post nih macam nak best ja pon, tapi actually aku bukan nak tulis best2 cam yang aku besa dok wat ngan full english, walaupun tak sehebat mana laa aku ni. Aku just nak try wat post yang memang tetulis sebijik cam apa yang akan keluaq dari mulut aku nih, yaitu Bahasa Melayu ber-slangkan Kedah. Bangga woo jadi orang Kedah, walau aku lahir kat Johor, tapi bangga gak lahir kat Johor pa

Aku dah takdak mood nak tulis on something, tambah pulak takdak idea. Kalau still tulis pon, ia akan jadi feelings-oriented, jadi cam mengarut ja lebih. So aku nak advice kepada sapa2 yang sudi datang blog aku nih, jangan duk expect apa2 post baru lah. Aku bukannya nak halau korang ke apa, just nak inform jela. So yeah, kalau nak, baca2 la post2 lama aku seblom nih, and komen2 le yang mana patut. Rajin2 aku balas

Final exam ngan MUET. Aku dah berjanji ngan diri aku sendiri dan ayah aku yang aku akan usaha betul2 dan capai aku punya true capabilities. Takdak lagi dah malas2 dan hanya accept kesederhanaan pencapaian aku nih tanpa berusaha untuk push limit diri aku

This is my 100th post. Assalamuaikum all, and have a good day for the non-muslim

What the Future Holds

Somebody told me, whom I can't remember, if you're feeling all down and depressed, look what the have in store for you. I don't know why he told me that, because the future always look grim to me

Let's see, oh final exam. I can't remember the exact date of the exam, but I know its just around the corner. And MUET, they are supposed to be done sometime around the final exam period. WHAT?! I mean, we have to concentrate on both the final exam and the MUET? Gosh, I think I'm gonna fall down soon, as I'm starting to visualize more and more sleepless nights soon...

Look further, further, FURTHER... (Whose line is it anyway, cause I think its from a movie I can't remember)

Ah yes, my trip to Indonesia with my mother. Now that's what I call a treat. NICE... Hahah, it seems that right after exam my mother and me will accompany my Paksu with his family to a holiday in Indonesia, which part still unknown. That will be both of his daughters, anak2 dara tuh, and his younger son and the baby, both are very cute little things, especially the baby. So yeah, I can imagine having some fun there. I just hope that my mother will be well enough to embark on such a journey, she haven't feeling so well lately...

Of course now, I do have some thing to do in the future, responsibilities and things to do. I can't be swayed by emotion so easily as I did, I can't be that weak for the sake of my family who has always believed in me. So yeah, happy happy XD

Aku dah lama x nangis. Baru2 nih aku baca blog neh dan tetiba ja aku rasa sedih sangat. Dia punya last ever post buatkan aku teringat kepada sepupu aku, Faidi. Entah apa yang dia rasa time aku melawat dia kat katil dia sejam seblom dia kembali ke Rahmatullah...

Al-Fatihah please, for Allahyarham Muzammil Faidi, and Allahyarhamah Asha Dina...

I Can't Afford This

Ya Allah, now I'm turning back into an emo person. I've started thinking real bad stuff again about people. Just when I thought I could control myself now, feelings are again the steer of my life's direction. Believe me, nothing good ever happen from that

I want to go home. I can't trust anybody else here

Girls, I Mean...

What's up with me and girls? It seems that I can never get along with them. Plus the fact I'm very shy with them, it looks like I can never be at peace at them, or even fathom their feelings. Yeah, why do I even bother with this? While all this time I had this problem, yet I'm not motivated enough to do anything about it

Yesterday, three girls hurt my feeling

I know, I should not make such an issue out of it. Bla bla bla, kecoh la lu dude, tu pun nk trasa ka? I mean, its normal aite that girls occasionally hurt the guys, because the guys had also hurt theirs, its like hair pulling, you do this to me, I do that to you. So why was I so moved to say something about it just now?

Rewind. A day before Raya, I met her. I met my first ever crush during my childhood. And God, she still is as beautiful as ever. But she's a changed person now, really a changed person. I don't know how to describe her exactly, but let just say that she doesn't look like a Malay anymore, plus the fact that she is as fair as pearl. Haha, I guess she's no longer the sweet demure girl hiding behind a veil that protects her aurat, no more. But I guess its better that way, I can start hating her using the reason of her not taking carrying herself well, for what she had said to me
before

But yeah, seeing that face again, no matter how changed she is now, it still painfully reminds me of my childhood. What she had said to me, that had completely changed the course of my life, are ringing inside my head like butterflies. Through the many years that had passed had somehow helped me forget about her and her words, the encounter with her the day before Raya had me reminiscing on the past, and now I can't get her out of my mind

I'm real sensitive right now, so if you're a girl, carefully pick your words when conversing with me, and this is pointed directly to them who can see me in Shah Alam, INTEC section 17 to be exact

Girls are so hard to understand. They had always seem like they would eat you any moment, but sometimes, they are like an angel to you, the way they treat you, the way the talk to you. Eventhough I have 3 sisters that I always talk to, I can never fathom their mind or predict what they are gonna do next

What My Dad Taught Me This Raya

I had always thought that I know him fully well, and that he could never understands me, especially during my teen years. I thought that whatever that he does for my family, it was just for the sake of it, because it was his responsibilities. How wrong I am, and now I despise myself for thinking that way, and acted the wrong attitudes towards my father

How complex this world really is. When you thought that things is in black and white, later you found out the truth is really stranger than fiction. We always hear people giving advice, remember those phrase, 'orang tua tua kata' stuff, we understand them literally, but we never really give a thought of just why our grand elders said that. For example, 'air yang tenang jangan disangka tiada buaya', come on now, whenever you're exploring new places and meeting new people, remember this saying every time. You'll find that your perspective will be different, and you'll understand

Life, as have been perfectly staged by God, is not just about you and yourself, you're living with a thousand others soul that is somehow got their fate entwined with yours. Basically, as nobody in this world can live without the company of other human being, you depend on others. But Allah Ar-Rahman gaves us the best gift after the chance to be able to live, which is our family, especially our mom and our dad

After Allah and Rasulullah pbuh, there's our mom. I love my mom, my mom, my mom, three times. After that, only come our father. And yet, we always put our father aside. Whenever life hits us with downfalls and sorrow, we always turn to our mom for support. Yet, we had never realized how much that our father had sacrified in order to give us a comfortable life. A research had been done to find out about the role of father of bringing up a successful child, and they found out that father is the one responsible to teach their children to survive in this world, while the mums are responsible for teaching them love and compassion. See, that's why we need both our mum and our dad

He beat me up when I skipped class, and I hold a grunge toward him. He refused to let me hang out with friends other than my cousins, and I secretly hates him. He forced me to go to MRSM which I refused to do so, and I started to avoid him. Lesson learnt after 10 years of hate? Now I'm not a loser who won't go to school just because I hate studying, and now I'm fortunate that I can still further my studies. Now I don't waste time to go lepak with my friends, and I never got involved in negative things such as smoking and stuff. Now that I've been to MRSM, I've learned to be more sociable and not to be as painfully shy as I am before

Here's some secret. I had always wanted to have some children. And I know how corny that may sound, but that is what I feel, and it's not that I wanted to get married soon, pfftt, gatal la tuh. But what I mean is, since I'm used to be surrounded by babies, somehow I get the urge to have children of my own. I feel like holding a baby of my own, feeding them, playing with them, and to have them crying for me whenever they find themselves in trouble, Abah, Abah. But eventually, I found out that it is real hard to have a children. Children is the gift Allah gives to a family, therefore, we have to care for them and nurture them so that they can fight for Islam and the country. Imagine, all their sins is a fathers, and that's how big a father's responsibilities is

I can't pretend that I'm one happy guy that is never worried by his troubles anymore. This Raya had taught me a lot, more than I could ever learn before. Remember how all of us, particularly during this age, said that Raya is never the same as the one during our childhood? Get used to it, because when you are starting to feel that way, it is the sign that we are preparing to be the one that's gonna prepare that atmosphere for our childrens. We are going to tell them how we celebrate Raya back then, and finally having them to have Raya of their own, a better one at that

This time around, it will be my dad's 63rd Raya. After so long, he is finally ready to give some of his responsiblities to me after all this while passing his knowledge to me. I don't know, this burden somehow felt too heavy for me to carry. I was told of some dark secret of this family that I've never known before, yet I understand why it was hidden from me all this while. But I know, bit by bit, I have to take my father's responsibilities and carry on his legacy. It's the only thing I could do to repay all the knowledge that he had given me, and the place now that I'm standing here, all because of him

I know, people will probably never read until this line, but that is what it was meant to be anyway. I just wrote this for my own satisfaction, it just came out of nowhere. But who cares anyway aite? I'm just happy that I could write this down somewhere...

Raya's Aftermath

Takziah buat Azri bin Adnan dan sekeluarga, yang telah kehilangan orang yang tersayang ketika Hari Raya Kedua...

October, and I'm back in Shah Alam now. With some unfinished assignments, wait, I haven't started on that yet, things are so gonna get busy again. Malaysian Studies' test? Yuh, I heard you right, whatever jelaa...

A lot has happened during this Raya, compared to the last ones that I had before. Things were changing for the worst or better last two years, but this time around the Raya is, quite special, to put it with word. I've met someone that is somehow connected to my past from my childhood, I've been to some place that I never thought that I'd go there, and I was told of some ugly truth that was brooding inside my family for so long, and only now that I know of it. Imagine how much drama can be provided in just a one week holiday, while all semester in Shah Alam nothing has ever happened that could ever trouble me as much as now

That's it, writing here and now feels like a burden. Maybe its because of the travelling the night before from Kedah to Shah Alam, and I'm dog tired. So now, I'd better get lost and get some rest

Oooohhh, aku nampak katil dah, assignment? Nanti2 laa...

Maaf Zahir dan Batin

Blacklist me for a while. 'cause I'm not gonna be around until the end of this Raya. So like, don't visit here anymore, don't expect anything to appear around here. But, for those who is still connected to me using those social networks, namely Friendster and such, I'm still around

Maaf Zahir dan Batin to everybody. This Ramadan especially, I've made a lot of people to hate me, and the other way around. I only wish for the best, forgive me...

Balik Kampung

So I'm officially off to Jitra tonight. Thank God for the ticket tonight, if not I'm sure I can't stand staying around for few more days. Rumah, yeyyyy...

So many had left Meranti already. Somehow, it felt like the place is lifeless already. No more shouting from Allahwuallam where, no more guitar sound played around, no more watching people playing CS, Dota, PoP, and stuff, no more hanging around talking about chicks. Hey, malam ni nk bukak posa makan dgn sapa? Just a few bunch of us, it will do, but its never enough without everybody else

Talking about breakfasting, there's something that I deeply regret. When I'm far away, my roommates are supposed to be my family, aite? However, I've somehow neglected my family here. It's quite hard to write here, which I guess it's guilt, so read Boi's blog, whom is part of my family here, if you're wondering what the heck I'm talking about. And fyi, I'm the one called papa in his blog, and don't ever ask me why I'm called so. Pfftt...


GROUP A PRE-TESL '08!!!
Oh yuh, just make it bigger in case you guys didn't notice it at first
Selamat Hari Raya Aidilfitri, and Maaf Zahir dan Batin. I'm really sorry, for not being able to wish it to you guys personally. I'm sorry that I took off early after our last class that Thursday. You guys know me already, aite, so yuh, goodbye guys. Hope that you guys have fun and arrive home safely

SELAMAT HARI RAYA AIDILFITRI TO ALL MY BLOG VISITERS


And oh yuh, the pic's taken during my final year in MJSC Beseri. Tell you something, I used to have a crush on the girl focused in this pic... :D

No More?

So okay, no more of her. Officially, she is no longer a part of my life, nor I can see her ever again, whether I like it or not

When she completely ditched me out of her life, there used to be something else for me to still watch her from afar. It's not that I'm obsessed or something... but yeah, maybe I am. But why wouldn't I? Even as I denied having any affection towards her all this while because of my ego, I know myself that I had always loved her and her only. So now that when everywhere I look but she's no longer there, I found myself lost and confused...

I don't want to forget about her, please don't let me...

But she kept going forward. She kept meeting new people, going to new places, learning stuff everyday. She had already opened her heart to somebody else. While here I am, stuck here, with my memories of her, unable to forget and move on to the next level. What a loser I am, and facing the mirror felt like suicide

But I have to, I have to move on and forget her. I don't care what it take, and how long it will take me down. I need to forget her and move on, move on. Though I will never be able to find her replacements, at least in the moment, I just need to forget her and keep my ego checked so that I will not repeat the same mistake

So maybe, a raya card would be suitable as the last gift, handwritten at that. Though many of my promises to her will not be fulfilled, at least the promise of me sending her a letter of my own handwriting will be enough...

Entahlaaa...

Out For Peace

My writing just got lamer and lamer each day. Maybe I should stop blogging for a while now and just focus on my studies, like I'm supposed to. When I talked to my sis about my problem in Shah Alam, she told me to stick to the books. And I'll do just that...

Looking forward to Raya this time. No more complaint about having to study during Raya like last year, as the chance of being with my family seems more important to me. So yeah, tata all

Selamat Hari Raya Aidilfitri semua...

Hate Is All That's Left

I really don't know why, but lately I've lost touch in writing, especially in this blog. Perhaps in the case of the worst of the worst, I can no longer write like I'm used to be. There you go, that pessimism that I'm used to adopt some time ago. Its back, and its depressing me like no other and making me more morose as minutes are passing by. Heck, I've started to listen back to Within Temptation, making myself more emo than usual

Hate is all that's left, but luckily, that's what I'll say only in the past

There's this one day, that in the morning I realised that my phone is out of battery 'cause I didn't recharge it last night. Thinking that nobody would ever bother me since it was the norm that I'm the one doing all the communication, I just left it back in my locker. How I did not realize what a bad mistake it was

Later, I found out that my mom and my dad was trying to reach me all day. They had news to tell me, and I wasn't around my phone to answer them... Tambah dosa lagi...

My dad got an operation to underwent on that very day. Later in the night only after I recharged my phone that I knew of this. Gosh, it was exactly during the stroke of the midnight minute and probably my dad was trying to get some sleep after his surgery when I called. Apologizing profusely, I talked to my dad for about half an hour or so. One thing about my dad and me is that, we are quite close and can easily converse with each other

Alhamdulillah that my family is still with me here in this world

UiTM Shah Alam is somehow depressing. I won't tell why so here, as it will no doubt hurt some feelings of people around here, and I mean, really hurt them. So let it be a secret that only I have to bear with, and don't ever bother to ask why. And for me to bear such a burden of hate, of course in the end I'll only end up becoming bitter with everybody else.

That's why, I really need to get things over and done with here, and get back home ASAP and ask for forgiveness from both my mom, my mom, my mom and my father. I've been to attached to Shah Alam for so long and somehow along the way I had little by little forgot about them. No wonder I'm so restless these days, getting the nerve of people that I care, and became so disorganized of my own hygiene and cleanliness and stuff

Biaq la seribu kali aku katakan ini setiap kali aku wat post baru, aku tetap rindu rumah...

Mine To Hold

Lately, I've been wondering, what is it that made me created this blog in the first place? Is it out of boredom, 'cause it was during the era of post SPM that I created this blog? And now, what had become of it? What is the true reason I've been writing all of my heart in here, was it for my own sake, or for the attention of others?

Who is it for? You, or me?

Guess I'm gonna have to set my priorities straight again. No more wondering whether a particular post should be published here, or there. So be warned that, everything published, be it boring, be it unattractive, be it as lame as a donkey's ass, whatever written here next, will be...

Ariff Dean's, not Ariffuddin's

Owh dear, I miss home
And ayat2 post kali nih cam pelik ja bunyinya...

Another Tag, Courtesy of Emellia

Rules

Each player of this game starts off with 15 weird things/habits/little known facts about yourself. People who get tagged need to write a blog of their own 15 weird things/habits/little known facts as well as state this rule clearly. At the end, you need to choose 5 people to be tagged and list their names.
No tags back.

1. I love chick lit books (my sis' influence)

2. Got a habit of staring into people's eyes, though only for a short period

3. The least organized person in the room

4. I really hate getting naked, and wearing short pant or tight shirt

5. I listen to
nasyeed, rock, indie, gothic emo and r&b all at the same time

6. I'm the worst spender ever, so don't give me much money

7. One of the casual
tapau-er; drinks, chocolates, stuff that I can eat

8. Really quiet in public, but a screaming jumping monkey within the
vicinity of close friends

9. Eventhough I'm painfully shy with the girls, I'm very close with my mom and my three sisters

10. Said to be sweet, but I believe I'm the worst partner you could ever have

11. I trust people so damn easily

12. Really hates shopping, unless with someone I'm really, really close with

13. aku anak manja, literally and technically speaking

14. I make the worst decision ever...

15. And I always regret my past mistakes

Ariff Dean is tagging:

Nobody. I don't necessarily have to play by the rules, aite? Besides, who cares anyway? I certainly won't tag Pok Deng or Eifham to do the tag, because all I would get in reply is a stupidly blur face accompanied by the ever famous "WTF?!" phrase. And they are the first people I could think of tagging them

End of story, now it's time for Ayat-ayat Cinta and Playing for Pizza

Beseri Boys Reunion


13 September 2008
At MidValley Megamall
A quarter of Beseri boys of Batch 22 gathered, namely...

1) Ariffuddin (Myself, of course)
2) Farhan Elfi
3) Akhtar
4) Shakir
5) Adib Zakaria
6) Redha Mat Top
7) Rajhan
8) Amirul Asyraf
9) Khairuddin Keown
10) Pak Long
11) Syafwan
12) Akmal Rizal
13) Farhan KSAH
14) Aizam
15) Izani
16) Pon
17) Shauqqy
18) Hanif Sofi
19) Shaufil
20) Keown
21) Amin
22) Izaan
23) Zaid Mr Know





After so long, we all met again, but alas, not all of us are here. Even though that we first called only 12 of us, in the end 23 people turned up from all over Shah Alam and Kuala Lumpur. What a day, it was only meant only to be just a normal gathering for the few of us, but in the end it all turn out to be special for the lots of us

Bless them all, barakatullah. Beseri batch 22 forever in my heart

In A Middle of Here And There

Owh yeah, our allowance money worth of 800 plus just came in this afternoon. That solved many problems that I had of lately. Oh well, if I'm a girl, I might go "Shopping!!!" all around, but since I'm not one, I'll pass that up. If I had a lady of worth being around me and loving me wanted to go shopping, maybe then I'll go "Shopping!" with her after all heh

I'm in need of change. I need to change the way I write. The urge came after a few moment of staring into the screen, and alas no new post for the last week. I need to change the face of my blog somehow, but I won't kill its originality. Perhaps just some tinkering here and there, and the least is that it will have a fresh new feeling to it

Well, I hope

Lately, I found myself in this same old stupid problem again. I felt that I really can't get along with my classmates now, though just few days ago I was still in speaking term with them. But somehow, back home at Meranti, I mingled just fine with the boys from my class, yet in class, everyone, the boys and the girls, seems to get the worse out of me. I really felt uncomfortable

Just like old times, I usually went cowering in a corner somewhere minding my own business. That sucks everytime

Just when I'm about to shake of the emo-maniacal feeling, it struck me back again. When will I be truly be free of all this shackles and truly enjoy life as it should be?



I need my mum...

Tag Huh? Okayyy...

Since Nqb tagged me, I'm supposed to do this right? So here goes lah...

#Have you ever fallen asleep in someones arms?
- Yes, my dear mum's

#What were you doing at 1 am?
- Either already gagaga or listening to some mysterious tunes

#What was the reason you last cried?
- Secret lah, but it's about a girl (serious shit)

#What are you seriously wearing?
- Either fully black, blue or red, nuthin' much but the lame stuff

#What are you doing tonight?
- Play either SimCity4 or Warcraft DoTa

#Do you clean when you’re upset?
- Dunno myself

#Would you ever dye your hair blue?
- Never la dude

#How many pairs of shoes do you own?
- Only two

#Do you usually tell people when they hurt your feelings?
- Curiously, with the people I'm really close with only

#What's on your mind right now?
- Laundry, homework, money, money, money

#How have you felt today?
- Flabbergasted? It's a happening day today

#Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance?
- Truly, though its almost a sure chance of it being blown up

#Did you cry today?
- No, should I?

#Do you miss anyone?
- Yesh...

#Who knows your biggest secret?
- Myself

#Who was the last person to hold your hand?
- Sapa ntah... Kat Bazaar Ramadhan :P

#How many windows are open on your computer?
- Depends

#What do you hear right now?
- Bratja by Vic Mignogna

#How many hours did you sleep last night?
- 10 hours

#Are you waiting for something?
- Dunno

#Does anyone hate you?
- Somewhere, somehow, yeah

#Who was your last call from?
- Kak Yu

#Have you ever ran away?
- From what?

#Can you run a mile?
- No. Malas + Tak Larat

#Who's voice did you hear last?
- Somebody's screaming in euphoria over a simple firecracker noise

#Did you kiss or hug anyone today?
- No subjects lah...

#Did you speak to your mother today?
- Yesh, thank god

#What is the last movie you watched?
- Scary Movie all the trilogy completed

#Who do you feel most comfortable talking to about anything?
- Nobody to be exact

#Do you believe that everything happens for a reason?
- Of course, Qada' and Qadar

#Do you like someone?
- Yes, truly

#Has anyone disappointed you recently?
- Yes, truly

#How late did you stay up last night and why?
- 2.oo am, game lah dude...

September's Fast

7 days of fasting has passed by. I've been witnessing many ongoing activities around here and it's forever itching me to write something about. But like, I have been so darn busy and so out of money that I can't simply bother to check my blog as often as I do back then. Oh what the hell I say

So okay, bukak puasa was quite fun and gay for us all. The unimaginable came to life after all and I'm easing quite well towards this kind of lifestyle. After buying myself some cheap but favoured by us students-without-much-money nasi ayam and some random drink be it bandung or air mata cat, all of us roommates would sit in circles and indulge in the food like there's no tomorrow. We would chat and crack some jokes, breathe in some air and while enjoying some of the moment, it is clearly seen that everyone somehow misses their home.

I do misses the old times, either back home or at Beseri, but somehow things were better left in the past, where they belong. Fasting month, though it is not the same for me, nor it will ever be, is the time I should embrace with gratitude and open arm. Should it not be so for me, then I'm so gonna be missing a lot of things in this university life, especially during the fasting month, and it had just barely begun. Now that's gonna suck

Last word from me, who in the blue hell told me that during the fasting month that I can reduce both my spending and weight? In the end, I ended up poorer and fatter and worse than I could ever be before

Dugaan...

Ramadan

Oh oh, Ramadan is already dawning upon us. Fasting month will soon ensue and we will be starving and praying and improving our health and body figure alike like hell. Oh well, same as the last two years, I'll be fasting without the presence of my beloved family and my mum's cooking. But still, it will be fun to break fast with friends of Meranti College, what with the variety of food available around Seksyen 2 Shah Alam, and the colourful characters around here, it'll be a buzz

Well, it'll be the first for me to break fast, university style. I'm still missing to break at my own home, complete with all of my sisters and brother with their childrens around, and to break fast with my fellow MRSM Beseri batch. Oh yeah, I miss those guys. It was a truly special feeling to break fast with all of them inside the huge dining hall (okay, maybe not that huge). And after all, last year was the last time I could feel all these feeling again, and after this, there will be no more break fast as special as this one

Well, as they say, it only gets easier if we actually spend time doing it. So calming my anxious heart, I started preparing for the Ramadan in this peculiar year. But the truth is, I still can't catch a glimpse of fasting in a here as a university student. Where shall I eat, what shall I eat, who should I eat with. Now I say, being 18 and independent is not easy as it seems to be

Oh well, what's the use of the Internet if we won't use it to increase our knowledge on Ramadan itself. I've been surfing a bit on Ramadan, and not much came up. Its kinda hard to find info on certain topics, and it just sucks, but I do found some interesting stuff on Ramadan, such as the fadhilats of Ramadan and some food tips.

Happy belated Ramadan. I found this phrase while surfing the net, which I have never heard of before. But still, happy belated Ramadan anyway

Halfway Home by Jason Mraz

I used to walk along the opposite side of the road
and made others get out of my way
I used to think I could sit and wait for the times
but they wont come until I meet them halfway

I'm halfway home and I'm on my own
I'm halfway there and I don't care, I don't mind
I plan to leave here after supper time
that's when traffic is light, all I need is a sign
and I'll be alright. I'll be fine

I used to think that i could just sleep and then I'd dream
And everything it would come to me
Until I woke one day without anything to eat
Lying on the opposite side of the street

I'm halfway home and I'm still out on my own
I'm halfway there and I don't care, I don't mind
Because it ain't my time to stay or sayƉ
I'll never lay down.

I used to think that I could just sit and wait for the time
But I know I gotta meet them halfway

I'm halfway home I tried home running with the flow
I'm halfway there. Ain't it funny how everybody seems to care
I planned to get there around supper time
their serving up bread and wine
All I needed was a sign and I'll be alright.
I'll be fine.

Guess I'm what they call homesick, and after all this years only now that it hits me. Oh whatever jela...

Home by Michael Buble

Another summer day
Has come and gone away
In Paris and Rome
But I wanna go home
Mmmmmmmm

May be surrounded by
A million people I
Still feel all alone
I just wanna go home
Oh, I miss you, you know

And I’ve been keeping all the letters that I wrote to you
Each one a line or two
“I’m fine baby, how are you?”
Well I would send them but I know that it’s just not enough
My words were cold and flat
And you deserve more than that

Another aeroplane
Another sunny place
I’m lucky, I know
But I wanna go home
Mmmm, I’ve got to go home

Let me go home
I’m just too far from where you are
I wanna come home

And I feel just like I’m living someone else’s life
It’s like I just stepped outside
When everything was going right
And I know just why you could not
Come along with me
'Cause this was not your dream
But you always believed in me

Another winter day has come
And gone away
In even Paris and Rome
And I wanna go home
Let me go home

And I’m surrounded by
A million people I
Still feel all alone
Oh, let me go home
Oh, I miss you, you know

Let me go home
I’ve had my run
Baby, I’m done
I gotta go home
Let me go home
It will all be all right
I’ll be home tonight
I’m coming back home

Oh I'm missing home, really missing it. I think the rain's to blame here. I just can't help but just too feel emotional when its raining outside and the breeze hits you in the face. You get pretty sleepy, you start imagining the bed and the pillow, and you just can't concentrate on life anymore, your mind just fly away. Most of the time, I just see home

Now that I start to pay for the food myself again, I begin appreciating my mum's cooking again. What the hell do I care if I get fat just because I won't stop eating, as long as it mum's