Bout me...

You Are 52% Open

You are a fairly open person, but you also like to maintain your privacy.

You definitely will tell all (okay, almost all) to your closest friends...

But strangers and acquaintances only get a peek into your life.

Oh yeah, this pic and description is fairly correct
Know this, visitors
Whatever I wrote in here
Is totally meant for me, my feelings
But why do I still publish all these blogs?
Its because I love it, I love blogging
I love writing, I love expressing my view towards the world
Though I will be secretive
I put my hearts into these blogs
Instead of just telling whatever stuff I'm feeling
I create stories, poems, surveys
Tell me, if you can understand all the meanings of my blogs
Then you just might open the door to my heart
I'm challenging anyone of you
Who would be so kind to read my blogs...

Ps : Mind ya
I'm not emo

Survey numero uno

Sometimes, survey is the best way to describe your feelings at the moment
Save the bla3s, more direct to the point
So here we go...

Have you ever said, you would never
love again?
#Twice already this year, but my mind changes so easily

Is there anything bothering you right
#I'm missing Kedah and Johor

Is there something you wanna let go of?
#Certainly, as hard as it may be

Do the old songs you had in your past
really remind you of the memories?
#yeah, I grew up with music, nasyid, blues, r&b, jazz, crooning stuff

How important is trust?

Is crying a sign of weakness?
#crying is reaction where our body can no longer hold our tears from bursting out of their bladder, terrible things do this to our body, not weaknesses

Do you always regret?
#quite a lot, :(

Do you find your ex gf/bf good looking?

What will you do if you re stuck in the
elevator with someone you don't like?
#I don't know...

Have you ever wanted someone but you
can’t have him/her?
#surely do, can't be helped

Have you ever said I love you but you
#no, not yet

Would you ever want to go back in the
#that will be a troublesome matter, no

Do you really wanna please everybody?
#go to hell with everybody, hehe, just joking :P

Is waiting ever okay?
#entahlaa, no comment

Right now, where do you wanna be?
#Kedah and Johor, either one will be good

What are you so sick and tired of?

Who made you smile today?
#Elsa Maisarah,

Is looking good important?
#haha, hell with it, but not on job interviews, surely :P

Do you listen to love songs when
you’re down?
#rock laa sucker

What are you thankful for?
#myself and my family

Do you believe in forever?
#I believe in Allah

What are your plans for the weekend?

Do you say sorry first?
#always, unless in an awkward situation, then never

Do you believe that married couples
should still go out on a date?
#compulsory, yeah

Has someone promised you something and
broke it?
#name mentioned here, Fauzli

The Babysitter

"Dean, I'm tired" Ariff whined sleepily.

We have been over at The Curve for lots of shopping.

Seeing that and seeing this, everything.

All the people around, greeting you politely.

Back at the car, Mim was cuddling him to sleep.

"Come on Ariff, I'll lay you down" Mim picked Ariff up.

"Maybe, we should go back, its late already" I told them.

"No, not now" snapped Fira.

"Yeah, no way, not right now" whined Cloud.

"Look at the time, you guys should really sleep" I said.

"Well, there's still some time for a visit around town" Mim suggested.

I looked over at her quizzically.

"Come on now, why not?" Mim said lower.

"Its late already, gonna send them to the hotel..." I protested.

"You can drop them at my house" Mim said with a glance at the kid.

"You sure? We'll just trouble you..." I'm still not convinced.

A hush from Mim decided the matter, before I could say anything else.

"And you can come too" Mim smiled.

I had extra clothes in my trunk.

But not the kids, yet they don't seem to be troubled at all.

Gee, whatever then.

"You had quite a big house here" I mentioned to Mim.

"Well, its not really mine, but still..." she ran off somewhere.

"Dean, where are you going to sleep tonight?" Ariff tugged me from behind.

"I don't know, why?" I asked him.

"Can you sleep with me" Ariff put up an adoring cute child's eye.

"No, no way" I am not going to be fooled by that eye, yet.

"Come on, it did be nice of you" Mim gestured.

I turned my head away, bad mistake.

"Owhh, why do you pinched me?!" I yelped in pain.

"Come on Dean, be a dear tonight?" Mim stared right through my eyes.

I swear, I saw Ariff smiling ear to ear.

Before I could say anything else, she pushed both me and Ariff into a room.

"Have fun, both of you" Mim said and slammed shut the door.

I woke up late.

Worse still, Mim woke me.

Worst, the kids are gone.

"Where are they?!" I frantically looked around.

"Hey relax, somebody took them already" Mim nonchalantly said.

"I told Yus we are here" Ariff announced.

"What? Oh yeah, okay then, huh you're still here?" I asked him.

"You're my guardian, aren't you?" Ariff said.

"Yeah" Mim left us.

"Oh well, let's go back then" I gestured.

I took Ariff to the car, and left Light Residence.

Mim was nowhere to be seen.

Back at the hotel, I was scolded by the boss.

Fortunately, Yus backed me up with the details.

The kids sure had their fun.

And Mim had asked for it.

She's no ordinary girl.

Anyway, I was left unpunished by the boss, lucky me.

He's more angry at her daughter, after last day's incident.

"Haha, just whatever happened yesterday Dean?" Yus asked me.

"Took the kids outside, the usual" I was tired.

"She's not on the plan, isn't it?" Yus inquired further.

"Never" I sighed.

"You know, she really do like kids" Yus pondered on.

"Yeah, whatever" I sighed again.

"And maybe, you" Yus said with wisdom in his eyes.

"Stop pulling my leg" I shrugged.

"Haha, I mean, like really, she's stuck on you..." Yus continued.

"She just like that kid Ariff, that's all" I said.

"Obviously, because of YOU, Dean" Yus excitedly said.

Ignoring him, I went to the cafeteria.

I sat there until evening.



And it feels just like yesterday since I last strolled around Beseri
The thoughts, the smell, the sight, the feel of it, yeah, Beseri
I'm talking about Beseri, a place that I went to to further my studies
My home for the last two years, the place I spent my whole life
A place where I can get to mingle with friends, have fun
Learn and learn and learn, everything that I could learn, stuff
Experience new things, see them and feel them myself
Yeah, Beseri, that's what it is to me, technically

What is there to say about Beseri?
Most people don't even know where on earth it is situated
(That's Perlis, for your information)
The first time I got my offer letter from MARA
First thing that I ask myself is, honestly, where's Beseri anyway?
Not to mention the fact that I, honestly lah, don't know what kind of school is MJSC
The real reason I even applied to one is cause my father told me so
Guess I'm such a fool then, so I just went along with that
With utter stupid ignorance to what I'm going through next
I braced myself to MJSC Beseri, with the knowledge that
This will be my first time to go to a boarding school, of a kind anyway

What's to say when I first arrived at MJSC Beseri?
Tell you what, I can't even remember what Beseri even look like
I was just plain bloody nervous, and excited at the same time, which is freaky
Something occurred to me, I'll be leaving my home for the first time
The safety, the warmth, the comfort, all the games, freedom, if there is some
All will be left behind, no more my mama and ayah to call upon
You can tell, I smiled a lot that day, nervousness got the best of me
I was desperate to find a familiar face, to start something uncertain at Beseri
Luckily, some friends do came along with me here, from SMK Jitra
I was relieved, I mean like, at least I do know somebody

With that put aside, more surprises came along after that
Anybody ever heard of preps? Anyone? Well I don't
Totally, like, everything is changing for me, never before I, studied like that
And the homeroom system, that foster family stuff of students and teacher
Which kind of turned out quite nice after some while, bless them all
And yeah, the club system, its totally gone haywire for me
Guess creativity still didn't quite touched my life yet?
And I learned of the way education goes on there
More like a university, very much different from my past experience
Heh, but I guess, its just culture shock, yeah?

Beseri suddenly became very beautiful
Never before have I took my time to look around this magnificent Earth's Eden
There's one time when I woke up, that mountain stood stoutly there
That beautiful mountain, which made me realize, I've never been so close to a mountain before
And, and, the trees that strategically sprouts everywhere around Beseri
Was truly an apple to the eyes, and a pacifier for an uneasy heart
Not forgetting to mention the clouds, wonderfully flying up there
When I lie tackled on the field, I felt like I'm watching a new kind of world there
A world of clouds, where everything is oh so dear beautiful, and free
Add all these elements up, perhaps, just perhaps, you just gotten yourself
The best studying place ever in the world
Though I've yet to witness the world so far
Beseri will be standing tough on my number one list

Life at Beseri, was entertaining, miserable, and also enlightening
I had lots of fun at Beseri, like no other I've felt before
For the first time, I played rugby, archery, basketball
All the experience, the fun, was priceless, I won't exchange it with anything
And the activities held there, numerous of them, can't name all
It was like no other, would I still be stuck at SMK Jitra, perhaps all this won't happen
And yet, life there was also damn torturing to the soul
Being far from home, you tend to get real lonely, real lonely, I tell you
And living with almost 400 other people, bad things can happen real fast
And our freedom was tighten to the max, lots of complaining can be heard
The bloody homework, the bloody tests, the bloody bad results

All those fun, all those sufferings, between all that
I got something else very important here
Here, at Beseri, I found nuur inside my heart
The true way of Islam was finding its way into my heart
Before Beseri, I only know of the way to pray to ALLAH SWT
And even though I can read Al-Quran, I rarely do so
I didn't know of men and women's aurat before, the true concept of it
Alhamdulillah, I was guided towards the true ways of Islam at Beseri
I learned more about our brothers and sisters suffering at Palestine at the hand of damn Israelis
I learned more about solat, the reason I do it, and solat sunat that I never even heard of
I learned more about Al-Quran, the meaning of it, and the necessity to read it everyday
Of all the virtues of staying at Beseri, this is the most important to me
Beseri is the place where ALLAH Almighty has given me another chance in life
Another chance to improve my life, and to be given better understanding of Islam

Beseri, there's just too many to describe about it
Given the opportunity, I could write a book about it
But this pretty much describe what's Beseri to me
There's still much to talk about
But I'll take my leave here
To my friends from MJSC Beseri, if you do read until this point
Know this, I'm head over heels missing you guys?!
Haha, I could've cried, but anywayyy
Contact me, message me, whatever, just let me know how you're doing now
It'll do good to me

One thing, I realized that I'm pretty much slimmer now
Rather than I am before going to Beseri
Don't you think that is just amazing?
Well gotta stop now, no more stupidly flattering myself now :P

I miss her

2:01 AM...

Oh yeah, here I am, nothing to do, nothing to think about
Which makes my life pretty dull at the moment

Eat and sleep, spend the rest of day playing games
Hitting at whatever I had, I'm pretty much
The zombie that I so ruthlessly kill on Resident Evil

I miss her, but I can't understand why it is so
I miss her, like crazy, my life's turning to a freak ride
Every time I touched my handphone, which I rarely do
I got a temptation to call her, yet I just simply can't
That agonizing truth, the bitter taste of reality
But I just have to accept it, won't I?
No more listening to her siren-like voice of an angel...

Here I am in DU, right smack in the town
Which means I'm really close to her right now
Yet, nothing I could do about it, so close yet so far
And that, really hurts, my ignorance, my weaknesses
Furthermore, I'm going to IKEA tomorrow
Its like shit, you know, cause her house is just around the corner
Yet going there, 100% chances she won't be around
And going there, will just be a meaningless visit
Only another pain to venture to...

I'm not in the mood to write as such
But I just gotta do it
Heh, I really need to move on now
Or else, I could become worse than being an emo person

Tribute to a friend

You know, the guy I'm about to talk about
here might just don't give a dam^ about
the bulletin here, nor will he ever read it
but still,
I feel obliged to write
to those who want to continue reading
please, go on, but if u
think this is another crap,
and won't read it,
I wouldn't mind a bit

he was what I call him
"accidental parasite"
he actually studied in the same school
with me, elementary, junior high
joined me even at MJSC B
all of my adolescene years
lots of memory, sad n happy
it included many appearance of his face
can't help it, but that's
the way it goes

he hurt me a lot, all those years
I can still remember how he
broke the trust I had in him
he revealed who I had crush with
n I spend a year holding my cheek
from turning red hot of shame
I guess that's what caused
turbulence in our friendship
for about 3 years, yeah
we still talk, but not like what
it used to be
but looking back, it was for nothing
all those anger, all those resentment
he and I were just fine in MJSC B
if only it hadn't been sour back then
then time at MJSC B would have been
more meaningful, more memorable

but it is me who is known
as the heart breaker, not him
thinking back, I've hurt
lots of other, more than I could remember
but I remember him, there
making up 4 me, apologizing
he was actually good with word
especially with the girls
where I suck at, n it happen 2 be
I hurt most girl I knew during
those years as kid
he was the one who
makes up everything 4 me
everything that I couldn't have done

all these years, he was with me
through thick n thin
even during the time we almost
never speak 2 each other
all these years, I tend 2
forget about him
I thought that this one guy
was my best friend ever
when what he did was dissapear
suddenly when I'm 14,
only 2 be found again later in life
said hi and then nothing again
then this girl
that I finally believe would be
someone that I could talk with
a friend that will always be there 4 me
but just end up hating me
but he, this guy that stayed with me
the one that I overlooked
was there everytime
giving his full support 2 me
while I wasted my life
on a guy n a girl that
just fed me painful friendship
he was just... there 4 me
what a pity, that
never b4 I realised it
but just now

syukran, he's still there
with me, still giving his support
though he is nonchalant about it
I just know he's there
though he won't reply my message
cause he's busy with girls
he's there, listening
though he won't go out with me
cause I can't blend in with his friend
he still invite me to his house
though he won't share girls' number
with me (which sucks!:P)
he won't steal a gf of mine
should I have one

Li, man
ur such a diamond
no wonder ur so famous with girls
especially with our juniors!
hahahahahaha :P

ndjmldn, friend? perhaps