Salam. If you would only listen to the default music, and perhaps you can understand it a bit. And if your browser's a little slow, kindly wait a little for it to download all and listen after that while reading this post will ya? :)

Somebody asked me, "Will you miss me when all of this is over? We'll still be friend afterward right?"

I just kept quiet, and just hushed along without really answering. Oh please don't ask me such a harsh question. Won't the answer be predictable? How would you feel should we all get separated after this and perhaps never meet again, ever in this life?

I just made some new and great friends lately, those that I had missed getting to know such last sem. Why fate has been so cruel to let me feel affection for them all? Why fate has let me open up to people and let me feel like I need them in my life? No, I got no complaints, for now I have company and someone to talk to after many years of loneliness

And soon, it'll be like last time, and I'll be lonely again...

If you are reading until this line while listening to the music in my blog, know this. I shed my tears for the incoming farewell. Maybe it is still early to say that it is time to go yet, since our drama is still a week more, but no, the future's too scary. Please tell me that time will pass more slowly after this...

And still, I haven't tell her the truth yet...

Bersabar dengan dugaan yang sedia ada. Gaduh, practice drama, assignment, speech... Haihhh

{no english title}{kosong}

Aku perlukan ruang. Biarlah blog aku sepi seketika. Aku dah tak larat lagi. Letih yang melampau. Ya Allah berikanlah aku kekuatan...

Masa semakin hampir, tapi aku masih di takuk lama. Bolehkah aku berubah sebelum aku terlambat dan menyesal buat kali yang kedua?

I love you, but I still can't say it directly to you... This feeling is really killing me, its suicidal. I know that it is lame, and people might hate me for expressing my feeling inside here, in this blog instead of directly to her. But, ohhh, I don't know. Why am I such a wuss when it comes to this...

I don't want to feel another regret like I've felt before. I'm going a step forward now. Ya Allah, give me strength and if I'm doing the right thing for Your love, please let everything be a smooth sailing. I'm just a sinned slave with no self-regard, yet here I am praying for Your help. Please forgive me...

There's someone I'm in love with...
Although I can't be with her now...
I'm still in love with her...

Tres Tags

Salam. Sunday morning have never felt this solemn before. Watched some videos, read some stories. I sobbed, okay, I didn't cry, I can't cry because I'm a man, and as a man I need to be strong, and yet I was feeling all down and alone

Yeah, I miss her

Let's get on to business shall we. Tag, first of all from Nad

001. Real name -- Ahmad Ariffuddin Yusof
002. Nickname(s) -- Ariff, Arip, Din, Ayahsu, Abang, Dean, memerang heee
003. Zodiac sign -- Aries
004. Male or female -- Male
005. Elementary School -- Entahla~~~
006. Primary School -- Sekolah Rendah Kebangsaan Sultan Ahmad Tajuddin
007. High School -- SMK Jitra and MRSM Beseri
008. Hair color -- Black-variant
009. Long or short -- Medium-composed

010. Loud or Quiet -- Quiet most of the time, loud sometimes, which is rare still
011. Sweats or Jeans -- Sweats
012. Phone or Camera -- Camera, I like photography, and since I lost my 3120 classic, I gave up on phone :P
013. Health freak -- Nahh, but I still do read on them from Reader's Digest
014. Drink or Smoke -- Neither
015. Do you have a crush on someone -- Yeah, crushin' crush on someone
016. Eat or Drink -- Both kot, lalalala~
017. Piercings -- NEVER
018. Tattoos -- Watching LA Ink tempted me, but no lah. Haram


019. Been in an airplane? --Yeah
020. Been in a relationship? -- Once, and once only
021. Been in a car accident ? -- Once
022. Been in a fist fight ? -- Yeah, I was the punching bag


023. First piercing -- Nope
024. First best friend -- I don't believe I ever had one
025. First award – Can't really remember, that I don't really get much of it
026. First crush -- On a girl when I was in Standard 6. She's the very reason I'm so afraid of rejection until now
028. First big vacation -- Went to Langkawi with my parents and Pak Ndak and Mak Ndak and Farhan my cousin


029. Last person you talked to -- My mom
030. Last person you texted -- Azim my classmate
031. Last person you watched a DVD with -- My roommates
032. Last food you ate -- Roti sardin 80 cents each for my breakfast
033. Last movie you watched alone --Kino no Tabi Life Goes On
034. Last song you listened to -- Kiss Because I'm a Girl, yeah, really
035. Last thing you bought -- That very roti sardin lah~
036. Last person you hugged -- My mom before I departed to Shah Alam. T_T


037. Food --Mom's
038. Drinks -- Limau ais, or anything sour
039. Clothing --Whatever God gives me
040. Flower -- Undecided
041. Books -- John Grisham's, Stephen King's
042. Colors -- Black and white, and purple :P
043. Movies -- Lots of them, can't find the right one yet
044. Subjects -- I suppose English, and uh Maths and Science subject kot, though I never aced them before :P

In 2008, I..

045. [ ] kissed someone
046. [ ] celebrated Halloween
047. [x] had your heart broken
048. [ ] went over the minutes/texts on your cell phone
049. [ ] someone questioned your sexual orientation
050. [ ] came out of the closet
051. [ ] gotten pregnant
052. [ ] had an abortion
053. [x] done something you've regretted
054. [ ] broke a promise
055. [x] hide a secret
056. [x] pretended to be happy
057. [ ] met someone who changed your life
058. [x] pretended to be sick
059. [ ] left the country
060. [x] tried something you normally wouldn't try and liked it
061. [x] cried over the silliest thing
062. [x] ran a mile
063. [ ] went to the beach with your best friend(s)
064. [x] got into an argument with your friends
065. [x] hated someone
066. [x] stayed single the whole year


067. Eating --that VERY roti sardin
068. Drinking -- Mineral water
069. I'm about to -- kill myself
070. Listening to -- Yuna's Deeper Conversation
071. Plans for today -- Assignmentsss~~~
072. Waiting for -- nothing in particular
073. Want kids --sure I do
074. Want to get married -- If fate let me do so...
075. Careers in mind -- Lecturer, teacher, lawyer, psychologists, shrink


076. Lips or eyes -- Eyes
077. Shorter or taller -- Won't mind
078. Romantic or spontaneous -- Spontaneous, lah kot?
079. Nice stomach or nice arms -- Entahlaa~~~
080. Sensitive or loud -- Sensitive
081. Hook-up or relationship -- Relationship
082. Trouble-maker or hesitant -- Entahlaa~~~


083. Lost glasses/contacts -- don't have one
084. Snuck out of your house -- when I was a little, always. just to look at the stars during 3 am
085. Held a gun/knife for self defense -- nope
086. Killed somebody --almost when I was in standard 4 or something. one bad accident
087. Broken someone's heart -- there's one I think, and I regretted it deeply
088. Been arrested -- almost, but nope
089. Cried when someone died -- the very first time I cried in front of other people beside my family, and it was time when my cousin died. I can't stop crying, I can't think of doing anything else that time. time took its toll and now I can hardly cry anymore when someone else dies


090. Yourself -- No
091. Miracles -- Sometimes
092. Love at first sight -- No, love at first sight killed my personality
093. Heaven -- Yes
094. Santa Claus -- Those running around the streets giving out presents, yeah
095. Sex on the first date -- Haram yee, but no
096. Kiss on the first date -- Haram yee, but no


097. Is there one person you want to be with right now -- Yes, and the feeling's killin' me
098. Are you seriously happy with where you are in life -- Not really
099. Do you believe in God ? Yes, Alhamdulillah
100. Post as 100 truths and tag 12 people -- No, I got something else in mind

Next would be from Nicca. Let's go

First name:
Ahmad, my grandpa's name :)

Name you wish you had:
Wouldn't wish for another name

What do people normally name you as:
Ariff, Arip, Din, Ayahsu, Abang, Dean, memerang heee

11th of April, but I never celebrated it anyway, so don't bother

Hospital Besar Sultanah Aminah, JB, Johor

Time of Birth:

Single or taken:

Zodiac sign:

How tall are you:
Not really tall, just 165cm or something :(

Wish you were taller:
Not Yao Ming tall, but yeah

Eye colour:
People might see it as black, but deep inside into the mirror it's just plain brown. But I like my sister's remark about my eyes, when sunlight shines into my eyes, they would turn purple in colour :P

Current hair colour:

Short or long hair:

Ever dye your hair a bizarre colour:
never and never will

Last time you did something dramatic to your hair:
Went bald

Glasses or contact:

Do you wear makeup:
No, duhhh...

Paint your nails:
Inai-ed them

In an opposite gender

What colour eye:
I won't mind

What colour hair:

shy or outgoing:
Outgoing a bit, but still as shy as a girl should be

sexy or cute:
cute lah kot, sexy kang ngeri aku melihatnya

serious or fun:
fun~ but know when to get serious

older or younger than you:
won't mind any

a turn on:
when she smiles and i'm smitten as hell and can't think of anything else

a turn off:
she ignores me

flowers or chocolate:
I liked chocolate so much, I like to give them too heheh

pepsi or coke (hmmm okay, no more question on opposite gender aite?)
neither, though my dad would prefer coke

rap or rock:
I'm a true rocker yahhhh~ \m/

relationship or one night stand:

school or work:
undecided yet, but currently, school lah

love or money:
love, people

movie or music:
both, but more into music

country or city:

sunny or rainy days:
I hate the rain~

Friends or family:
family first, then friends

have you ever lie:
yeah, regrettably

stole something:
yeah, regrettably still

Had your heart been broken:
a million little pieces...

wonder what was wrong with you:
all the time. why I am fat? why I am so stupid? why I am so shy with people? why I can't trust people? why I can't be a less lazier and work myself like I really should? why am I such a pessimistic bastard?

wish you were a prince or a princess:
never, never will

like someone who was taken:
no, somebody else's sweetheart is a major turn off, I don't like interfering with other people's life

sang in the mirror to yourself:
I hate mirrors

favourite flower:

mostly anything you can call chocolate, but yeah, Mars Bars

browse through my profile


black and white, and also purple

again, browse through my profile

time and again, browse through my profile

junk food:

fav website? iluvIslam, devianart, onemanga, youtube


KUCHENG! cat's my heart and soul heheh

ever cried over someone:
over someone's death

is there everything you want to change about yourself:
yeah, as much as I try to accept myself as who I am

do you play any sports:
rugby, basketball, football, and I would like to try american football :)

Ermmm, next is by Bazla Farisya. The last of it now

  1. What are the two impossible things that you wish you could have?
  2. Why do you want to have it?
  3. What would you do if you really have it?
Whoah, I never really had put some thoughts into these kind of things before. Oh well, I guess it would've been to be able to read people's mind and the ability to talk to animals. I really hope that I can read other people's mind, so that I won't go crazy going on each day worrying myself about what other people will think of me. And I really like to talk to cats and birds, I really wish I do, cos with that, perhaps I will be less lonelier then

Should I really be granted such wish, I will be using it make myself happier and no more think of negative things, such as... Ahh I don't know

It has been such a really long post. I wonder will people even read until this line, plus that I had set the font size a number smaller. But what the heck...

Assignment, siaplah kamu dengan sendirinya! Tadaaa!... Cheh

Earth Hour 2009, Grammar Class (Erkh?)

Salam. It might be a little late for me to help out spread out the words, since it will be tomorrow already, but oh what the heck. Earth Hour people, 28th of March 2009

Oh yeah. Its a pretty cool idea to turn off the lights to show our support. By this way, we can show all the world leader how we all want a better future and put aside their ego and stuff. I really can't stand the heat anymore, it's killing me. Oh yeah. I'm getting some good vibes about joining this thing tomorrow, really can't wait

On a heavier/lighter note, I'm really kinda glad of this idea of staying in the dark for one hour. I really can't bear with this certain emotion that has been controlling many people nowadays. Anger, wrath, and the root of this is the assignments and the drama preparation. And people are shouting, people are bickering at each other. I'm not left out in the chaos, even as much as I try to keep a it cool, even as lowly as I am in the rank of the TESLians ladder, supposed there's one. You guys just have to make me angry, and for what?!

Darn. I miss home and you guys just make Shah Alam feel more and more like hell

I really hope drama will be a thing of the past soon. Then, we can reevaluate our friendship, say sorry to each other, and laugh at how we all have been such a big jerk and a douche bag, hahahahahahaha...

Haihhh, sighhh...

Esok kelas dengan Miss Afni dari 9 pagi sampai 6 petang. Sumpah terbaik~ bluagh3x

Ps: Sesape yg tag aku, jappp ehh, nnti2 aku buat :)

Tingkap Kaca

Salam. Let's listen to some beautiful music why won't we?

Dari jauh ku lihat dia bagai berdiri di balik tingkap kaca
Mengintai setiap gerak halusnya cukup untuk buat ku leka
Selagi kedengaran bunyi guruh, selama itu khayalku berlabuh

Alangkah eloknya, jika aku menjadi raja waktu
Akan ku himpun masa untuk dia mengenali aku

Dari jauh ku lihat dia bagai berdiri di balik tingkap kaca
Mengharap setiap detik merangkak sempat untuk buatnya sedar
Selama kedengaran bunyi guruh, sepanjang itu hatiku pun luruh

Alangkah eloknya, jika aku menjadi raja waktu
Akan ku himpun masa untuk dia mengenali aku

Dari jauh ku lihat dia bagai berdiri di balik tingkap kaca
Menyusun setiap langkah kecewa hampa saat meninggalkannya

This while doing my assignments. Oh Ana Raffali, hahahaha

Hari2 assignment


Salam. I think I need the silence. It's been too noisy lately. All the noises that I can't make out, and the noises that I can do fathom. I miss the old silence, time where I can hear the sound of the wind, the sound of incoming rain, stuff

It's too noisy, especially inside my head

Macam besa, aku nk mengomel pasal assignment yg berlungguk2

Yo, You Ungrateful Man

Salam. Yo, what kind of retarded talk about himself time and again like he is trying to garner sympathy like a freakin' beggar?

Lily's Birthday

If anyone had anytime to sulk about himself, that guy better save his breath and talk about all his lovely friends. Some people aren't born to be alone in this world, they are just lonely either by choice or by cruel fate. But then again, I won't say fate is cruel. Perhaps all those pain and sorrow bred during your childhood was meant to lead us to a better future, nurturing us to be a tougher person who will no longer cry alone on the pillow. As I quoted it myself, you may hate yesterday, but tomorrow you will realize that it is what make you are today

Allah made us all like this and given us this hardship for a reason. We just have to live our life as we're supposed to right? As a Muslim, and also as an another human being living in a world of millions other

And yeah, you girl. I didn't lie when I say that someone from your school send her regards to you, okay? I'm not some desperate guy trying so hard to get your attention. Yeah, I admit that I like you so damn much, so much that I kept on doing stupid things this few months. But know this, I didn't lie, and that one is just so stupid to even me consider doing that one

And I feel like I'm hating you now, why don't you do the same?

Oh, oh, assignment assignment. Banyak lagi x siap

Take Another Look

Salam. Have you ever had this feeling that people are avoiding you, and people are talking behind your back? And that people are somehow avoiding you because they are afraid of you?

Looking back through my few recent post, I can only see lots and lots of sarcasm spewed around and depression notes hitting on every syllabus of my writing. And I only realised that if I myself felt uneasy reading it myself, what more other people would say ehh? Oh well, gotta revert myself to the old optimistic-like-hell dude that annoys everyone around him

Yes, I prefer people hate me because I'm happy rather that people hate me because I'm sad

Perhaps I know the reason why I feels like I lost some very good friends back then. Why some of my friends from Tajuddin years plainly ignore me. Why some of my friends that from Jitra years no longer take the trouble to say hi to me. Why some of my batchmate no longer talks to me like we're used toback then. Why some of my juniors, especially from my own homeroom, where they are like my brothers and sisters, no longer need me to give them advice like I'm used to. Why I'm losing them friends when I'm still in front of them, interacting day in and day out

I'm not going to sulk or complaint anymore. I'm gonna find out the reason why and change myself for the better. Please don' look at me like I'm some crazy dude or someone dangerous or whatsoever

I'm just afraid okay? I need friends, them all

Oh yeah, dunia ini memang lah sangat kecik, either in terms of luas dia dalam universe ini, or in terms of our relationship with people. Everyone is connected somehow, dan itu adalah satu perkara yang perlu kita ingat dalam kehidupan seharian. Indahnya ciptaan Allah...

Do You Believe in Love?

Salam. Since lately I've been reading some short stories, let me tell you some story, courtesy of my sister's e-mail


A farmer had some puppies he needed to sell. He painted a sign advertising the 4 pups. And set about nailing it to a post, he fell a tug on his overalls. He looked down into the eyes of a little boy.

'Mister,' he said, 'I want to buy one of your puppies.'

'Well,' said the farmer, as he rubbed the sweat off from the back of his neck, 'These puppies come from fine parents and cost a good deal of money.'

The boy dropped his head for a moment. Then reaching deep into his pocket, he pulled out a handful of change and held it up to the farmer.

'I've got thirty-nine cents. Is that enough to take a look?'

'Sure,' said the farmer. And with that he let out a whistle... 'Here, Dolly!' he called.

Out from the doghouse and down the ramp ran Dolly followed by four little balls of fur.

The little boy pressed his face against the chain link fence. His eyes danced with delight.

As the dogs made their way to the fence, the little boy noticed something else stirred inside the doghouse.

Slowly another little ball appeared, this one noticeably smaller... Down the ramp it slid. Then, in a somewhat akward manner, the little pup began hobbling toward the others, doing its best to catch up...

'I want that one,' the little boy said, pointing to the runt.

The farmer knelt down at the boy's side and said, 'Son, you don't want that puppy. He will never be able to run and play with you like these other dogs would.'

With that, the little boy stepped back from the fence, reached down, and began rolling up one leg of his trousers. In doing so he revealed a steel brace running down both sides of his leg, attaching itself to a specially made shoe.

Looking back at the farmer, he said 'You see sir, I don't run too well myself, and he will need someone who understands.'

With tears in his eyes, the farmer reached down and picked up the little pup.

Holding it carefully he handed it to the little boy.

'How much?' asked the little boy. 'No charge,' answered the farmer, 'There's no charge for love.'


Huh. There's no charge for love huh?

I need proof~

Rumah, rumah, rumah

I'm a Jerk, Really

Salam. Now you can really call me a jerk, please

I just wanted to say sorry for what I've written in my previous post. I'm not saying any bad thing to them or to anyone in particular. It's not intended to be so, no, especially not to people who have been so kind to me, that would have been so stupid of me. I'm just ranting on and on in my blog like I usually do, emotionally at that, and perhaps I've crossed some line there. I know, even as I do blog on my own satisfaction, I shouldn't have involve others, pretty much make a stupid and senseless comment about them

I respect you guys, believe that, and the reason that I used you guys as the comparison to myself is that I always had look up upon Law students, and I had always thought that you guys are always studying, had to memorize stuff and do so many things. Yeah, the stupid mentality here is that TESL is easy and are pretty laid-back. So when I'm overly stressed by assignments and saw that you guys are kind of free or something, I reacted the wrong way and kinda blamed the situation for what I'm going through. Yeah, lame, but its me, the emotionally stupid me

I'm telling you guys this. I'm a coward. I've always had low self-esteem, and I never believe in myself. I had always wanted to be a lawyer, and Law is what I had aimed. But after SPM, looking back I realised that I had missed a lot of things in life. I never entered a debate, though I like them, I never get involved in many activities, I always believed that I can never make speeches as good as my father and my sisters can. And so, I skipped Law as my first choice, and took TESL instead in hope that TESL will be much more easier and easier and easier

As I'm a jerk, I'm also a fool

I'm so sorry guys, I never meant to hurt anybody, anybody at all. I'm not much of a friend, but you guys had been so kind of me, and yet I did this to all of you. Please forgive me, and I won't care how silly I will look for apologizing time and again, I will do it until you guys forgive me...

Habis sudah panel discussion, no komen...

Meet My Son

Salam. So yeah, I'm going to make a conclusion now that Law students are taking it easier than us Teslians in terms of workload and stuff. Why I do say so? Huh, if they have the time to play Myspace during their writing class or whatsoever class, that means something on the overall impression, isn't it? And lately, I can only hear complaints of too many assignments from Teslians instead of the Law students

Oh well whatever, should've I known it is the case, Law would be my first case instead of Tesl :P

It is holiday's week, and I'm trapped physically here in Shah Alam. The shouting of kids that reside by my Kolej Meranti during nights is so annoying, they just reminds me of all the fun that I missed. The kids went back to my house, and it is a sick irony that the I am here in Shah Alam whereas they are back in Kedah, and I'm not there as usual. Oh I need the break, assignments are killing me~

Luckily, despite the solemn rain in the morning, Allah has blessed me with a bit of happiness during the night time. My sister who's on holiday, she's a teacher, came to Putrajaya to visit her husband during this week. She called me on the evening before and said that she and her husband will bring their son and only son to meet up with me in Shah Alam. I was surprised, my sister usually won't take the trouble to go some distances away plus she doesn't know the way around Shah Alam, I have already given up on the prospects of her visiting me before. I was delighted, and grateful at most

We met up at Dataran Bunga Raya behind Masjid Shah Alam at some shop named Kedai Kopi (really). I was so pleasantly surprised when Umar started hugging me and kept on clinging to me afterwards, which he usually won't do if his father is around. He kept holding on my hand, taking me everywhere to see that, to see this. He glanced at the fish, he went to the lake to watch the turtles arise from the pond nearby and watch some koi fish swam around. It was very tiring, I sweat like hell, but I was glad I can entertain that boy again. It was like he is my own son, and seeing him all smiles and he's quite talkative for a three year old, I kind of wishing something...

With this kind of face, you can already perhaps guess how naughty this boy is? Hahaha, now I'm a bit cooler and all the stress from the bloody assignments are now less from before, no longer suicidal. Oh yeah I forgot...

His name is Umar Hakimi, and of all of my nephews and nieces, he's my favourite :)

Panel discussion yeah, hahaha apa aku nak cakap nanti ehh?

Tag, Wasted

Salam. Ehh, another tag?

1. Anda rasa anda hot?
Aku hot-tempered. Kira camtulah okeh

2. Upload gambar kegemaran anda.

3. Kenapa anda suka gambar ini?
The last pic I took with some of fellow Beserians. Aku suka gamba ni, aku suka ka? Lately aku ngah teringat all the lost time during Form 4 n 5 yg aku terlepas peluang untuk know these guys better. What a shame

4. Bila kali terakhir makan pizza?
some weekend bla ntah x ingat, zack blanja. every pizza hut outing kami mmg akan kecoh2 jdnya, semua cheese akan habes punya XD

5. Lagu terakhir yang anda dengar?
Admiration - Incubus. I'm currently addicted to Incubus and RHCP and won't listen to others

6. Apa yang sedang anda buat selain daripada selesaikan tag ini?
Trying to download all the songs of Incubus since aku umor satu tahun sampai sekarang

7. Selain dari nama sendiri, anda suka dipanggil dengan panggilan aper?
Pa2 yang mak aku panggil aku, suka lah aku

8. Tag lagi 6 orang dengan hati terbuka tanpa rasa kekesalan sila lakukan kalau taknak kena denda mandatori

-Atikah Zouq

9. Saper no. 1- kepada anda?
a fellow blogger, dia minat gila sama Jason Mraz ~i wanna have your babies~

10. Orang no 3- ada hubungan dengan sesiapa?
entahlaa~ why don't you ask her yourself? sure dapat one honest answer punya

11. Kata sesuatu berkenaan dengan orang no. 5 ?
datang bilik aku weyh, aku nak main yugi dlm laptop ank

12. Bagaimana pulak dengan orang no 4 ?
a really nice girl, complicated yg sngt2 ok lah, x mcm aku

13. Siapakah orang no 2?
my junior yg dpt straight a, ko kenal dia ko gi ucap congrats kt dia right now! ahahaha XD

14. no 6 apa cerite?
another fellow blogger, she likes music as i do ngee~ :)

I wanna hit 13, but another one will do. Okayh, bye2



Salam, what more can I say? I'm tired with words, I'm tired with people with words. I don't care anymore, I don't care anymore. Hate me for all you want, but I will keep my silence, no more talking to you all. I'm just tired, that's all

I'm so vexed by the amount of assignments and stuff, that I avoided doing it at all. Last minute work used to be so much fun and addictive, but lately, even that won't do. I really feel like running, I mean literally running, back to Jitra, back to home. Its holiday time, and my eldest sister are back home already with her family. Man, imagine all the kids lovely kids running around the house having fun and I'm not there

Arghh, miss them kids :(

Huh. Now can somebody tell me why jealousy can be so dangerous to oneself? Oh well, I gotta kill the love before I destroys my friendship with many good people

Drama drama. I hate real life drama

Literature test macam butoh, senang cita

Here We Go Again

Salam. It's been a while, I've been tried by many challenges so hard, and now I'm so exhausted. Perhaps I'll take a break from it all, save a soul or whatever

It has been such a blasted week for me, though I've been through a more physically tormenting week before where I didn't sleep at all, but this time it is more harsh on my emotion. Things that are happening, I don't know how much longer I will be able to hold on. Perhaps tomorrow, the day after, a week then, a months away, or sometime in the future unknown... But I know, I gotta hold on, for their sake

Ahh man, stop your rambling. It's everyone's story, everyone's hardship. Just how it unravels differentiates us all

Everyone, especially my fellow Asasi Teslians, go take a break during this weekend. Go home, or at least go shopping somewhere not too far. Or perhaps you could go to a beach somewhere, or even just a park around your place. Whatever it is, just go, fly. I can see from others how tired you guys are, and it makes me even more tired than I really am, I mean it. When you starts to forget to cut your own nails or comb your hair in the morning, it really shows and affect others

The day before on 13th Friday I went to some magic show performed by Barry and Stuart the part time warlocks. It was very entertaining... hahah, I'll let AJ do the honour here since he's one of the so-called victim of Barry and Stuart. After the show, I saw some cat behind the KLPac that was kept captive in this one huge cage. When I approached them, they came close to me, mewing like hell wanting to get out of the cage. I felt a sudden pity for them, and a strong urge to just find a scissor or something to cut through the cage and let them be free, I mean look at their eyes and you can just see pure sufferings

But then again, I didn't because I know I'll only bring trouble to others and I won't be able to take care of the cats after all, being an outsider myself. Regrets, another regrets, and yet another regrets. I can live with that, but perhaps less sleep hour I think :/

Right now this very moment I'm going to download Kino no Tabi the movie numero uno and dos, and perhaps some episode of the Monster series. It's been quite a while that I've been watching some quality Japanese arts, and now perhaps it's a good time to start again. Now that I come to think of it, I haven't heard anything from Nobue Uematsu lately, it has just been Staind, SOAD, Mayday Parade and stuff that sings about world's miseries

I think I need to change. Or I'm just killing myself with every each passing minutes

Baru aku tau malam pergi KLPac tuh yang Miss Aziati nih rupanya a very nice person. Kalaulah dia yang mengajar aku, hehe, bukan aku tak suka Madam Izyani yang mengajar :P

Results Results

Oh yes, today is the day that SPM 08 candidates will receive their result. So like, I won't be nosy asking around how well did you guys fare, I want you all to tell me instead, no pressure, just good news, okayh?

Letih la hari ini

Bad News

Just got the news, an uncle of mine has just died of heart attack this afternoon. I can't bear the thoughts of thinking about my cousin, of what he's feeling right now. If only I'm in Kedah right now...

It has been such a long time since I last seen him, now that I realized of it. He's been such a good man to my family, and me in particular. And I can still remember my childhood that were much spent on his house playing with my cousin. It is so weird to think now that he's no longer here with us, it just seems so absurd

Ya Rabbi, people dies. I can feel it now, people are dying everyday. Lots and lots of people from my childhood are gone now, and suddenly I feels empty without them in my life. Yet I was the one that became so occupied with life that I didn't take time to visit them and get acquainted with them and be like the old times. Oh well, no use thinking about it now

I'm worried about my cousin. Though he's older than me, and in iman-term he's better educated than me, I'm worried of his reaction. Once, another cousin of mine also lost his dad, and he just... went overboard as he can't control his emotion. I'm just worried, I can't bear another sad story surrounding my family, as if the current one is not enough yet

Ya Allah, please let my mom and my dad lives for a little while longer. I don't know what will happen to me should I lose them, particularly at this stage of my life...


I'm Sorry That I'm Such a Fool

Salam. "Problems at school, hassles with parents, relationship trouble - teenagers have many reasons to view life as being full of setbacks." Taken from RDTeen section of Reader's Digest March 09 issue.

Should this be the reason for me to be such a dork? Is it enough reasons for me to self-pity whereas there's some people out there who suffers a lot more, yet they are stronger and they are still able to put up a smile. Heck, our brothers and sisters up north are suffering even more than we Malaysian can ever imagine, and yet here I am whining and acting like some ungrateful child who was spoiled to the root yet wanting for some more

I even went as far as almost taking something that is very precious to me, something that was given to me without me asking for it, a gift bestowed to me that is like no other. I almost condemned myself, for almost taking it, for not being thankful to my mom for the chance given to her to give me it. I almost jumped over the edge, I almost took what's not mine and be sinned like hell

Say no more. Should I continue, I fear I'll only hate myself more and more. Though people like rocking seas tales, too much of a squall and bad news will only disgust people

Ya aku memang kerek, aku memang bangang kerana aku kerek, aku minta maaf, aku tak berani nak beritahu kau depan2

(no english title)

Entah kenapa, aku rasa resah dan gelisah hari ini. Hilang sudah mood untuk aku tulis post kali ini dalam bahasa Inggeris seperti kebiasaannya, entah kenapa semangat untukku berbahasa ibunda kali ini tiba-tiba sahaja muncul. Dan jika dilihat semula, memang gaya ini menepati gaya anak sulung kakakku yang pertama, lihatlah pada link yang ada jika anda ingin tahu

Hahahahahahaha, sumpah skema tahap maksimum

Aku dah tak tahu nak buat apa lagi dah. Menunggu saja dalam library INTEC ini, budak-budak group aku tak datang lagi. Yang lagi tak seronok itu, dia pun ada, bertambah-tambah saja resah dalam hati aku sekarang ini. Dua kali bertembung, dua kali senyap saja keadaannya. Cehh cehh cehh, sumpah seranah betul

Okay, aku takkan buat lagi dah post dalam bahasa ibunda tercinta lepas ini. Biar aku cakap sahaja, lagipun aku lagi suka cakap Melayu dengan orang apatah lagi bila aku gunakan slang Kedah, sumpah terbaik, walaupun aku pelajar TESL dan aku perlu berlatih bercakap dalam bahasa Inggeris

Ahh, sialan. Kisah apa aku

It's going to rain again...


I'm back in Shah Alam. But who cares? Among all of the people in the city, would anyone even bother to look at me amidst the crowd? Say that I put it into a smaller scale, let's say of all the UiTM students now. I'm just an Asasi student, I'm no big shot of some sort, MPP or whatever. What about the people that I'm living with, people of Kolej Meranti where I currently reside? Heck, nobody would even look at my face, much more give salam among ourselves. And people that I do know, Asasi Teslians and my former schoolmates around here? Sometimes I really wonder whether they are feeling the same as I did for them

Yes, I'm a pessimistic person indeed, if that's what you are thinking

Home was not as its used to be. Perhaps for the fact that I'm at least a bit grown up now and can think for my own self, I can no longer regard my home as a nest to be a safe place. Now that I know of all the evils and demons that have been lingering my past, home can never be the place where I can sleep soundly as I'm used to. Kinda make me glad I can run off to somewhere, namely Shah Alam

But Shah Alam is no heaven too, afterall. People don't care about you, its the thing that you have to do for yourself. You can't depend on others, you will only open your back to be stabbed. And people LIE, people LIE, LIE, LIE, they LIE to you when they hate you and want you to go far away from them. They LIE so that you will get hurt and will forget about them, they don't care about how lonely you will be, they just hated you so much they don't care

Yes, I'm a pessimistic person indeed, if that's what you are thinking

So yeah, perhaps I'm as pessimistic, gloomy and depressed as Eeyore of Winnie the Pooh, eventhough I often potrays myself as the cheerful, outgoing and confident Tigger, especially in front of another Eeyore-like person. I don't know who I am anymore, why I even change myself for the sake of others who won't spend a minute thinking about me, I'm just so confused. Perhaps I'm a bit of both, a blend of Eeyore and Tigger, as farfetched as the idea is

I just wish you hadn't lied to me. Even if I do hate the rain, I'm a believer of rainbow after rain and the calming smell of its aftermath. How I wish it was all a mistake, and that somebody will tell me that it was pointless to write this all down here...

Aku hairan lah, setiap kali aku naik bas, ada ja masalah menimpa, tapi tiap kali itulah aku selalu duduk dengan orang2 yang baik2 belaka, hmmm...

Home Home Home

I like it when I'm going home. Though I know that some time soon I'll be leaving it soon forever and I feel like I'm getting further and further away, the time left I got to spend at home is the time that I have to treasure with all my heart

Love or hate, home is my heaven on earth

Assignments punya la banyak, lagi gatal nak balik hahahahaha

Saying it Out Loud

Salam. The road to positivity starts with an honest heart, wishing for peace even when you don't believe in it, yet. Salam, peace, go to hell with this negativity in my heart

Eheh, there I go again

I got tagged, again. I made a resolution quite a while ago that I will stop doing this tagged thing, for some reason unknown to myself and whatever. But since I only recently know this girl, I will do it. For the way of saying thanks for following me out of the blue, though it seems that she had some connection with my juniors

1) Go to your photos folder in your computer.
2) Go to the 6th folder of photos.
3) Go to the 6th picture in the folder.
4) Put the picture in your blog and and description of it.
5) Invite six friends to join the challenge.

This the picture of the band the Fray. What more can I say?

Step one you say we need to talk
He walks you say sit down it's just a talk
He smiles politely back at you
You stare politely right on through
Some sort of window to your right
As he goes left and you stay right
Between the lines of fear and blame
You begin to wonder why you came

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life

Let him know that you know best
Cause after all you do know best
Try to slip past his defense
Without granting innocence
Lay down a list of what is wrong
The things you've told him all along
And pray to God he hears you
And pray to God he hears you

As he begins to raise his voice

You lower yours and grant him one last choice
Drive until you lose the road
Or break with the ones you've followed
He will do one of two things
He will admit to everything
Or he'll say he's just not the same
And you'll begin to wonder why you came

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend

Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life
How to save a life

Nobody is dead yet, but I wanted to say this one out now. I lost a friend, a special one at that too. What else can I do to calm this heart?

Tagging! Uhh...
-Adibah Lala (junior2)
-Ball (junior2)
-ZOUQ (mesti keluar gambar2 bebudak jepun nih haihhhh)
-NASIHA (biarlah aku snob pon, ko buat gak keyh)

Memang dasar 666 betul lah tag neh...

Pictures Pictures!

Salam. The sayings of the old and the wise sounds like this, a picture is worth a thousand words. Holding true to the belief, let's make some post worthy of a bajillion words shall we?


PGL night, where all of them dresses fancily, except for me XD Who cares anyway hakhak

My favourite nephew, because he's the most naughty of them all :)

Raya at IJN, because my mom got sick. Through it all, I'm just glad that she's fine and I gained some new experiences of celebrating Raya at a hospital hahahaha

SPM is never lovely, that's way we had to be creative in entertaining ourselves :P

Ardentz Crew, lovely peoples that are my classmates during my Beseri era :)

A407!!! Dudes I hang out with during my first sem in UITM Shah Alam. Fun's the keyword here XD

Oh, times that I got high on pure pressure XD

Nephews! At some garden by the roadside, ape park ntah :P

Yes, I'm an ex PLKN trainee. DELTA forever!

Graduation day rehearsals. Heheh, miss them bunch a lots, Batch 22

Introducing~ Guess who? Ma dad, duh, hehe

Last minute work that's completed is so much fun and addictive I tell ya XD

Memories of the lost phone T_T Nokia 6120 classic, and my sister bought it for me, no more now I guess heheh :(

Tell me, what are you thinking now? Hmmm~

My homeroom family in Beseri, Topaz Eleven. I really miss them, they are like brothers that I never had

Morning after Subuh in Shah Alam is not bad after all, thanks to all the beautiful pigeons :)

Chaos perhaps? No sentiment of rascism here, heheh XD

The best of buddies, running through the jungles, kawating in the heat together, the best of PLKN is with friends, take it from me

The day of Zalia's departing into a better future. Though she had a short stint here, her warm presence is what keep her memories with us inside our heart

A day before the holidays, went over to DC for one crazy night ahah! XD

Being a student with only studies and assignments to think about 24/7, creativity and idiotism is what kept us all alive XD

One of the pictures where me and my roommates went cam-whoring in Shah Alam XD

Look at the important figures up there, making us all excited and smiling XDXDXD

Try wearing baju melayu in the middle of the day and try to smile like a fool

I'm not a fan of ikan masin, mind ya XD

Underground beggars because of over-shopping

Beseri boys reunion in Midvalley, oh miss them a real deal :)

Fun with Azim's IMac, shown here, jakun x penah tngk komputer apple XD

Terrorized citizens of Shah Alam that fears students-gone-wild groups which is us

Since when SIRIM building is a good spot for picture taking? Nights when your hormones are raging wild with insanities XDXDXD

Self-taken picture? Think again XD

Done! Now that will be RM10 for all the time I spend in the cybercafe to upload all of this picture XD

Tak padan dengan kerja x siap lagi, bleh main2 lagi XDXDXD

So Like, What's the Title?

"I was watching 'Kami' the series recently. I'm impressed with the cinematography, local cultures & subcultures displayed in the show. I've been watching Jdramas for a while & see how Japanese high school students are like. Back then I used to watch American teen flicks & learn about their culture there. In 'Kami' & ' 5 Jingga' we get to see Malaysian version of school students. Then it made me think there should be more series like this; about our school kids & so on.

Since a lot of manga were adapted into live action show, why not GEMPAKSTARZ produce live action show? Well, it might be difficult for them to fulfill, but this is just a suggestion from a fan.

So which comic do you guys wanna see turn into a drama?

Kalau yang ada magik2 & alam fantasi tu susah la. Siri 'Maskeret Cinta' is more likely to be turned into drama but I'd LOVE to see a real life 'Under-18'! Other than that, '2 Dudes', '' pun boleh gak."

Taken from Gempak volume 223, I decided to use his exact words to convey the messages here. His experiences, his opinion, his observation, his interest, all seems to have some similarities to me, so I figured that it will be best for me to quote him here. Hope he won't mind eh?

I totally agree with him. We should have more series and movies like Kami instead of all the bullshits they are having on the TV. They kept on and on to flatter the so rich and famous lifestyle and corporative theme and most viewers like them for reasons unknown, well perhaps for the purpose of dreaming and wishing for such a life that they stuck on to the story. And its been going on since years, I was surprised that they somehow maintained the mentality and remained true to the rich folks idea

Through not all local series and movies are stereotypes like that, its just too many of them are potrayed in most series and movies. People like to watch things that are unreal, or distinct in terms of reality. They make corny love stories, where they will be some rich dudes or chicks, put next to a pair that is excruciatingly poor, and came from the village. They rarely wanted to show the dark side of the society, and I mean the true dark side of the society, not the bribes of the corporates and wife cheating on husband, and stuff, bla3...

In Kami the series, the life of the teens are potrayed at perhaps its best. By ditching the senseless theme of happy ending stuff or love is the power, shits and all, it focused on the lifestyle of the teenagers and the problems in their life. It gave greater view of what teenagers are facing nowadays, how they are connected to the world, and shows the relationship between themselves. Though it mainly aims at the teenagers around the city area such as KL, the general idea on teenagers is as clear as riverwater, you can see it right on through

This is what people should watch. This is the thing that people have to understand and fathom. Things that people always overlook. Things that people are always being biased at. Look at the parents in the city. They hardly paid any attention to their own kids, yet they think that they understand their own kids and got them controlled under their thumbs. Yet, when their kids rebelled in a way, such as through music and fashion sense, they are dumbfounded and blamed others for it. Yet they don't understand, that the kids will always take after them, and they are the main factor of what the kids will grow up to be

So when teenagers resolved to extremities such as fighting, robbery, and worse, masochistic behaviour and suicide, parents don't know anything about it yet they are the sole reasons to be blamed for. Don't go screaming "why?!" and point fingers then, just blame yourself for not understanding, or even tried to

Understand that, mother and father are very important to teenagers, though in some stages they might be openly denying that. Parents are everything to them in this world, since their birth to the end of their lives, and even if they only exist as memories. How a person becomes a person all depends on the parents, and that's the ultimate truth that we need to understand

Alhamdulillah for my mom and dad, for bringing me up to be the person that I am today

Oh, seems like I went overboard on this post. I don't know anymore what's the purpose of this post, seems like emotions took control over me again. Oh well, no use deleting it now eh?

I want to write more, elaborate more on what I'm trying to say, but it seems like this post is getting more and more confusing with many things that I want to say at the same time, so I'll stop here. If you guys read until this line, thank you, and I hope you understand what I'm trying to say here yeah?


Aku semakin kurang baca buku sekarang. Makin banyak assignment ke atau aku dah semakin kurang rasa sunyi dalam hidup ini?