Dead Cats and Kittens

Salam. I really think that I'm going to die sooner or later

And no, its not that I'm being dramatic all over again, like I'm just saying negative thing just cause I feel for it. Heck, I even found out that I'm known because of that. There's this girl that I don't even know exist in the other group, and when Man mentioned me to her, she said I'm the emo guy from the other group

It is something inside of me, that has been keeping up with me since I was given birth to. Where I shouldn't even be here in the first place

Final exam? Sumpah tak terasa macam minggu periksa ja

Beaver Crossing

Salam. I wonder what will happen in my life if I was given guitar or piano instead of books? It's not that I'm not being grateful or whatsoever, but like I said before, I'm just wondering

I used to draw so much back then. I've been known to be the master when it comes to drawing Ultraman and his brothers. But I can't remember when did I ever stopped drawing Ultraman that I can no longer do so, and since when I feel so disgusted with my own drawing that I stopped drawing anything at all

I love to take pictures so much. I can still remember when I was so little then, I always get excited when my dad and my sister were using that very big Nikon camera that look so sophisticated and expensive that I never get a chance to hold it. Unfortunately, I still don't have any camera of my own until now, and I'm just stuck on relying on my own imagination and my forgetful mind

When I was a little child, it is so easy to fall in love with the world, because everything seems so beautiful. The lovely sounds that can be heard every morning, the sight of cat chasing after butterflies, the way everyone seems to be smiling at you. And that time also, dreams and hopes are the most sweet and fulfilling thing that could ever happen to you

Here's what I hoped to achieve in life when I was 7 years old or so~
- I want to be a fire-fighter
- I want to perform Hajj in Mekah with my parent
- I want to go to Paris, or somewhere in Europe's countryside
- I want to learn to play piano and guitar and compose my own song
- I want to paint something that make people go 'Wow'
- I want to write my own story book that can make people shed tears and also laugh along to
- I want to find myself the one girl that I love so much and have the most romantic story that I weave together with her on our own
- I want to be happy and smile everyday

It all sounds so naive yet that is what makes it all so meaningful to a child with all the possibilities of the future in front of him. And how exuberant and confident I had felt that day, thinking that I will be able to achieve all my goals in life someday...

13 years or so have passed me by, leaving that child in me behind it all. Together with the dreams and hopes, forgotten, like an old book in the deepest corner of an ancient library...

Last night, I went to McD with Zach to stay there overnight. As luck have it, I saw her again where it is the last place and time I ever thought of seeing her again. Still, as usual, she avoided looking at me, ignoring me as usual. She even took the trouble of going over to Zach to say hi at him, while really carefully making sure that she doesn't look at my direction, like I never existed at all

Like I care, even when it hurts so much. This shall be the last time I shall ever write about her in this blog, as I know that she hated me for doing so, though I'll always think of her like I always do

Beaver crossing, cause I'm such a memerang

Aku nampak dia study Literature dan Linguistics, sumpah aku terasa yang aku masih tak ready untuk final exam nanti~ Study study~~~

Bright Lights

Salam. Last Monday I wore an all-blue attire, but my heart and my eyes is only on the colour purple. And I really really hate that stairs in the INTEC library that is just beside the computer lab, everything seems to revolve there

Doesn't mean anything, really, hahaha XD

Say, have you seen a cat lately? Not the one that people keep around the house, feeding them Whiskas or Friskies according to their taste or even leftover fish, but the one that wander on the outside world without the security of love and warmth of a home, do you?

Ever seen them struggle for food? Like how they would hover around food stalls or fish market just for a bite of whatever bits they may find. And then, there goes people who go and kick them just to shoos them away, like, they can't freaking do it gently, humanly like they would treat any other creatures of Allah

Point is, such is a virtue that I'm trying to reflect on and learn, patience. Lately, many things and problems requires me to learn on how to control myself. First, to control on how to use my money. Since I'm depending on my mother's card for all my current expenses, I can't just lavishly spend it all on whatever I want. That's point one

Point two, I really need to control my anger, my words, my actions in life. I nearly, nearly lose a dear friend, again, yet again. I really hate myself for doing this again and again and again. I even come to even think that I really hate her, even though she's the only one ever that I see as close as being a sister to me. I'm used to being alone, why can't I learn to be alone and not taking other people's space...

There's some things in this world
You just can't change
Somethings you can't see
Until it gets too late

Some things in this world
Man, they don't make sense
Some things you don't need
Until they leave you
And they're things that you miss

Baby, baby, baby
When all your love is gone
Who will save me
From all I'm up against out in this world

Plus, I still can't forget about her and forgive myself for whatever had happened. I still dream about it all night, I still wish that whenever I walk around the faculty I will see that smile again... So yeah, patience for me people

I wonder whether fasting will really help me put myself together ehh?

Linguistics test esok, literature test Jumaat ni huahaha~~~

Even the Cat Knows

Salam. I just saw her today after so long, and I can't freaking help myself from writing it down despite not having done with my work. Which is nearly completion already har-har XDD

Just earlier on in the Literature class with Miss Moon (seriously, this got nothing to do with her being a Literature lecturer), we were learning about onomatopoeia, metaphor, simile, symbol, stuff. And as we came on to symbol, we learnt all about how things are symbolised to convey certain meaning, like uhh, red is the symbol of love, passion, anger, whatever

Ya know, I just saw the most beautiful and most meaningful yellow colour ever in my entire life, and I'm not gonna tell anybody what it is hoho

One can't forget, but can one forgive?

Tak pernah rasa seronok buat assignment sebelum ini XDD

Tingkap Kaca Numero Dos

Salam. Yeah I know, its been here before, the picture that is this~

Well, for those that had read my blog for long enough will know what it means. Perhaps. If anyone do even read this kind of stuff. Bottom line is that it's different what it means now for me, one way or another. So much had happened since now and then, yet everything felt as if time is going way too fast for me. Regrets, mistakes, stuff...

Can't I just turn back the time?

Kucing hitam yang sakit luaran dan dalaman itu~