Rain's Again

Salam. It's been raining here in Jitra non-stop for about two days straight now. Back then, with such momentum there would surely be flood being formed, but no more

I can still remember the last time that I went home, that one short day that I went back because I had to settle some thing, the very morning that I arrived it started to rain. My mom told me that it hadn't been raining for quite some time, and coincidentally, I came with the rain

As if to mock me or something, the rain continued until I went back to Shah Alam that very night. And it stopped, with me leaving Jitra behind, and never to return... Well, until the next raining season, that is

Haha, oh well, forget about that. I saw the black cat that gave birth to a kitten in my house during the last break, and I suddenly remembered about her one and only kitten. When I first left Jitra to continue my study, I was so afraid that the kitten won't make it, since there would be nobody to take care of them except me. But now, when I first saw her (I still hadn't checked beneath the tail though, I'm just guessing) I was so pleasantly surprised and glad that she is well and alive

And oh, what a beauty she had become compared to the last time I had hold her ^^. Her mum a black cat, and she a bubbly ball of gray cuteness haha

Baru ja nak baik demam, kena hujan sikit ja datang balik hingus-hingus yang sungguh hingusan itu


Salam. From the event Getting 2 Know U by Ethos that day, I have been reading the Junk magazine that I got for free there. Since then, I've been listening to lots of cool songs from bands that I had never even realized existed before haha. And one of them, really caught my attention...

Your face lights up the sky on the highway.
Someday, you'll share your world with me someday.
You mesmerize me with diamond eyes;
I try to fool myself to think I'll be alright.
But I am losing all control -
My mind, my heart, my body and my soul

Never in my life have I been more sure,
So come on up to me and close the door.
Nobody's made me feel this way before;
You're everything I wanted and more.

To speak or not to; where to begin.
The way dilemmas I'm finding myself in.
For all I know you only see me as a friend
I try to tell myself wake up fool; this fairy tale's got to end.

"Never in my life have I been more sure,
So come on up to me and close the door.
Nobody's made me feel this way before;
You're everything I wanted

You're everything I wanted

Balisong by Rivermaya

Not only the tunes is the one that I like, plus the lyrics is, well, touches me haha... If only I can just turn back the time, and if only I can sing this song and play some instrument... Then I would've done so, to her, for her. If only I won't let my hatred filled my heart, then at least... Haha, darn it man. I promised myself that I won't write anything else about her, but I guess...

I guess, something just stays in your heart, even if you try so hard to forget about it...

Masih mendengar Deeper Conversation oleh Yuna hingga kini. Teringat waktu first aku baca lirik dia satu ketika dulu hahaha...

Zachariah Aidin Druckman

Salam. Yup, I'm already back here in Jitra, my home, though its not my resting place nor the place my blood was first spilled at. And wow, I never thought that I'd be back home so soon, and the grey bluish sky with sparkling stars here still looks nice as ever~

The first thing that I hear when I first came back home after I had some decent sleep post the bus travel is Umar's voice. Haha, though I'm still blurred beyond distinction like a Psyduck, I'm really glad to hear that voice again after so long. Because you know, it means a lot to me. Its good to know that someone still care for you without being a total hypocrite. Its good to know that someone still needs you by their side without being a jerk about it

Its good to know that someone misses you as much as you misses them

But oh hey, what's my nephew got to do anything with the title above eh? Haha, surely it's not his name, but rather, a friend of mine's, the main focus of this one particular post. His name, as stated earlier in the title, is Zachariah Aidin Druckman. He was born somewhere over the United States of America, where you can probably already guess his heritage, his father an American while his mom is a true Malay. He lived most of his life in Pulau Pinang however, and had been schooling over in Penang Free School before enrolling as an Asasi Tesl student, where I first meet him. Here's a pic of him...

...Which perhaps I'll do later, considering that my only source is Facebook, and that is now being a true slow ass, I can't even log in right now

Looking at his pic, perhaps you can guess that he is a vain guy, narcissistic perhaps. He is the true definition of a cam-whore person, where if you were happen to befriend him in Facebook and see all of his picture, one might hate him instantly. And that's still not face to face with him, where his arrogance and pride will make you itching to hit him, right there, on the spot

Have somebody told you that don't judge a book by its cover? Well its the truth with the case of Aidin here. He might be the most vain freak ever alive, he might be the biggest boaster people loves to hate, but he is a survivor, he is the most positive son-of-a-you-know-what that I've ever seen before. As high as he looks upon himself, he never look down upon others beside him, and he's damn proud of being a Malay, even if his look might proves otherwise

One thing that him being all proud and high is, he actually works hard to achieve whatever he said about himself. When he said he's going to be the best student of Tesl, he really studied his ass off, burning the midnight oil and make tedious notes. When he said that he's going to be the best runner in Intec, he went jogging everyday to improve his stamina. When he said that he's a good-looking Casanova (well, in a way), he's not afraid of making his own statements and went straight to the girl that he had his eyes on, like a true gentlemen

Being a sullen and depressed guy, I actually benefits a lot from this all. I learn to be more positive in life, and to procrastinate less in life. He also inspired me to study more, which inspiration's is what I need right now haha

And he's actually one of the most kind guys around, it's just that he rarely shows that side of him and yeah, its hard for people to recognize such fact since he's all bigmouthed at time and people being so judgmental... He tries to help his friends at times, me for example. He is willing to accompany me jogging every dusk, and making sure that I feel comfortable doing it, which I really needed it. And I can still remember the times that he talked about the girls that he went out with. He confessed that he had no actual feelings, or love as some dreamers might put it, for most of the girls that he dated. That's why he dumped them, no matter how hard it is, just so that nobody will get hurt in the long run...

Ironically, the only one of the girls that he actually cared for, or loved, is the only one that dumped him, saying bollocks like "I don't love you anymore, sorry". Huh, just to show you people how silly and unfair they can be ehh. When we truly loves them and care for who they really are, they never appreciate such gestures, but when we said that we can no longer be together with them, for the better sake, they throw accusations at us...

So that's it. I'm not in the mood to write more about him, it's not his biography. But yeah, I'm glad that I wrote something about him, one of the friends that I can truly call a friend. I don't care what people might say about me, getting all girly and mushy expressing my feelings over a blog, and about a guy friend at that, but who cares. People are so goddamn judgmental, I've became so bitter to even care about it

Hey, I no longer write about a friend who turns out to be a hypocrite. I no longer write about this girl that I'm used to like, who thinks I'm so obessed with her and all the shits I write here is all about her

Hoo-yeah, I feel good haha~

Al-Fatihah kepada Yasmin Ahmad yang telah pergi dulu meninggalkan dunia ini pada pukul 11.25 pm, 25 Julai 2009 iaitu malam aku pulang ke rumah. Semoga dia ditempatkan di kalangan mereka yang beriman... Sekarang baru aku teringat, aku ada berjanji dengan seseorang untuk tengok filem Sepet, tapi sampai sekarang masih kempunan...

There's going to be a dull silence the next raya and year around. Sapa yang mampu isi tempat kekosongan ini?

Of H1N1 and TESL Students

Salam. Heard the news? The whole of UiTM Shah Alam have been released from duty and classes for a whole week because of the H1N1 outbreak here. So I'll be back at Jitra anytime soon, after I get my hand on the hard to get and elusive one way ticket to Kedah

Oh, by the way, by the time that continued writing this post, I already got my ticket hoho. I never really expected to get a ticket for tonight, for so many people are going back and supposedly there's only ticket for tomorrow. God bless the Golden Diamond hoho~

Earlier this morning, I went to the Getting 2 Know U event held by the Ethos group, and it was such a blast haha. This is, like, the first time ever since I enrolled in here that I truly feel glad to be alive and to be taking TESL in Shah Alam. I get to know more of the people from the other group, plus some of the Asasians and some of the seniors. And I also started to get along well with my groupmates where I should have been doing that way before haha

Someone said to me, that this day was so meaningful for her. And yeah, I guess the feeling's mutual for me. When I see the people smiling and having the time of their life, I felt really ashamed of myself. Being a Teslians, they somehow always try to be open-minded in their life and not to worry much about other problems. They somehow seem able to manage to keep that smile on their face and just be like themselves. And here I am, known as the emo guy who hardly smiles and people are so afraid of talking to me just because I looked miserable at best (Mayday Parade, look it up ^^)

Guess I'd better start smiling more often myself, turn over a new leaf. Though my bitter experience taught me not to, and this bloody headache that just won't go away... Or I can just bang my head to make it go away, because I never believe in Panadol

Irony of the day is, I found myself that I can no longer trust her anymore. Plus, it really seems like she won't even care anymore, even though that she had said before to me that she is really afraid of losing my trust. I guess its better for both of us I think, after all I had burdened her with all my problems without her gaining anything. She must think that I'm crazy right now, and by the way that she seems to be avoiding me, especially today, during the Ethos' event... The very thing that I'm most afraid of when I first started to open up to her

I know, I should never trust anyone with myself, its never a happy ending. Now I can never be friends with her like I'm used to, and it hurt me so because I have come to care so much for her... Oh well, I broke my own vow of to not to trust anyone, and now I'm regretting it, but there's nothing else to do or say

There goes the first ever friend that I consider my only best friend that I ever had. I just hope that she's the first, and also the last one, so that no one else will ever get hurt by me, a jerk of a human being...

Aku hampir2 balik guna keretapi KTM haha. Dah lama dah aku tak naik keretapi, rindu la jugak~

Goodbye Etong

Salam. Guess I need to get busy this next few weeks, and won't be around much. But I doubt that somehow, seeing that now I have a broadband in my room right now haha. Yeah, I think I will steel myself, get myself going and not to procrastinate like hell like the previous sem

And I too, need to get over it. People are keep saying that I'm way too obsessed with it, and need to just move along. In a way, yeah, I do always keep thinking about it. So much that I think, it is really starting to disturb my life's orientation haha. If I were to go to a doctor to be evaluated, perhaps I'll will be diagnosed with some sickness in the mind or something Lol

So goodbye Etong. If she still thinks that you're still worth keeping, be a dear for her for my replacement okay?

Ohhh, assignment~

Love In a Hundred Ways~

Salam. Don't you just wonder, all of your life, what had you really achieved in it? What cornerstone did you make so that you can strive for a better future? Why don't we all do a bit of a checklist of things we had done in our life and perhaps have a glimpse on the truth of ourselves

So like, highlight the things that you had done before in this 100-things list

1.Started your own blog
2. Slept under the stars
3. Played in a band
4. Visited Hawaii
5. Watched a meteor shower
6. Given more than you can afford to charity
7. Been to Disneyland
8. Climbed a mountain
9. Held a praying mantis
10. Sang a solo
11. Bungee jumping
12. Visited Paris
13. Watched a lightning storm at sea
14. Taught yourself an art from scratch
15. Adopted a child
16. Had food poisoning
17. Walked to the top of the Statue of Liberty
18. Grown your own vegetables
19. Seen the Mona Lisa in France
20. Slept on an overnight train
21. Had a pillow fight
22. Hitch hiked
23. Taken a sick day when you’re not ill
24. Built a snow fort
25. Held a lamb
26. Gone skinny dipping
27. Run a Marathon
28. Ridden in a gondola in Venice
29. Seen a total eclipse
30. Watched a sunrise or sunset
31. Hit a home run
32. Been on a cruise
33. Seen Niagara Falls in person
34. Visited the birthplace of your ancestors
35. Seen an Amish community
36. Taught yourself a new language
37. Had enough money to be truly satisfied
38. Seen the Leaning Tower of Pisa in person
39. Gone rock climbing
40. Seen Michelangelo’s David
41. Sung karaoke
42. Seen Old Faithful geyser erupt
43. Bought a stranger a meal at a restaurant
44. Visited Africa
45. Walked on a beach by moonlight
46. Been transported in an ambulance
47. Had your portrait painted
48. Gone deep sea fishing
49. Seen the Sistine Chapel in person
50. Been to the top of the Eiffel Tower in Paris
51. Gone scuba diving or snorkelling
52. Kissed in the rain
53. Played in the mud
54. Gone to a drive-in theater
55. Been in a movie
56. Visited the Great Wall of China
57. Started a business
58. Taken a martial arts class
59. Visited Russia
60. Served at a soup kitchen
61. Sold Girl Scout Cookies
62. Gone whale watching
63. Got flowers for no reason
64. Donated blood, platelets or plasma
65. Gone sky diving
66. Visited a Nazi Concentration Camp
67. Bounced a check
68. Flown in a helicopter
69. Saved a favourite childhood toy
70. Visited the Lincoln Memorial
71. Eaten caviar
72. Pieced a quilt
73. Stood in Times Square
74. Toured the Everglades
75. Been fired from a job
76. Seen the Changing of the Guards in London
77. Broken a bone
78. Been on a speeding motorcycle
79. Seen the Grand Canyon in person
80. Published a book (all in good time, my friend)
81. Visited the Vatican
82. Bought a brand new car
83. Walked in Jerusalem
84. Had your picture in the newspaper
85. Read the entire Qur’an
86. Visited the White House
87. Killed and prepared an animal for eating
88. Had chickenpox
89. Saved someone’s life
90. Sat on a jury
91. Met someone famous
92. Joined a book club
93. Lost a loved one
94. Had a baby
95. Seen the Alamo in person
96. Swam in the Great Salt Lake
97. Been involved in a law suit
98. Owned a cell phone
99. Been stung by a bee
100. Read an entire book in one day

Sheesh, seems like there's still a lot to do and places to travel. Haha, perhaps one day soon, after I finished my studies first. Say like, I'm tagging all the people that still reads my blog, yeah. Please do, I wanna know... Well if you don't mind, that is

Oh haha, first I wrote something very long, and now I'm listing things up

Assignment dah start datang!!! Walawawey~~~

Where Did All the Cats in My Life Had Gone To?


I wonder, where did all the cats in my had gone to? Before I realized it, it seems that I'm lonely again. Hahahaha~ Oh hey, what's the cat gotta do with your loneliness, one might say. And sure enough, in one of these days, I will just get bored with answering all these little questions which answers won't means much to any one of us unless you know the story itself

So like, wanna hear what's up with me and cats? Sure you do, if you will still read until the last of the page scroll, won't you? Haha I doubt that, being the pessimist that I am. Yeah, another fact about me people


I was not born in some deranged or abnormal or grieve-stricken family, like the one you can see portrayed in The Simpsons, haha heck I love that series. And I did not grew up get beaten senseless in every way every day that I had to learn to breathe by force and not naturally. I'm fine thank you, even though that they told me that I'm a slow talker, that by the age of 3 something I still didn't mutter a word, which would pass me as a mute, right? But that didn't happen, Alhamdulillah

But for some inexplicable and unexplainable reason, I was alone. Huh. I was born in the 1990, a so-called prosperous year, well someone I can't remember said that. However, in the lineage of sibling in the family, I came out real late, technically. I was born 14 years after the last sister is born, and even that is late considering that my eldest sister at that time is already pushing 30 years old, and heck, my first nephew was born 2 month after me, by that very eldest sis

And so, I grew up all alone in the house with only me, my mum and my dad. Being the youngest, and in the time where my dad is already retired from the army, surely you can guess how terribly pampered I am back in the days. However still, it doesn't help a bit at all to kill the loneliness. Two of my eldest sister was living with their own family in KL at that time, my one and only brother at that time were still missing since even before the day that I was born, and the youngest sis was studying at Warwick by that time

But hey, I'm in a big family after all. I got loads of them cousins, a million from my mother's side of the family, and another million from my dad's. If I went back to Guar Chempedak, all of us would be playing very cool traditional games like gasing, congkak, guli, and the coolest of all, meriam buloh, or bamboo cannon, directly translated. And I can still remember all of us playing wrestling together that the old people got mad of because of how much the rotten old house would be shaking like earthquakes, playing firecracker so much that the kampung neighbourhood got annoyed at so much, and the one that I missed the most, sleeping together at the floor, all of us of about ten people or so all huddled up together, binded by each other's sweet dreams...

But still, there's this some shit that is called a family feud that will somehow affects my relationships with all of my cousins, and even more so now that we are all grown up. Back then, I can only meet up with my cousins whenever there is a school holiday, and our meeting is only limited to that only, since I live faraway. So here I am, back to square one, back to the corner of my tiny square room in No 13 Light Residence, Jitra, gazing at the rain splashing over my window pane, wishing for someone to keep me company...

As fate have it, one day, one stray cat wandered into my house, and somehow she had decided to stay there. And since its my first experience of ever meeting a cat, I called her Meow. However, I don't know why that at that time, perhaps being a kid that I am, I frequently tortured her. With a Chinese neighbour that is two or three year older than me, we did many horrible stuff to her that still sometimes leaves me feeling guilty. However, she was still stuck in my house, perhaps because we still feed her, I guess

Then, one days, her stomach suddenly got bigger all of a sudden. Then, I learned that she was pregnant, and I'm going to witness my first ever cat's labour experience that a million more will come soon afterwards, however let's focus on this one first. By this time, she only stayed in one place, which is in my room, and I already stopped doing bad things to her. And then, one day it rained cats and dogs, from Subuh it started and never slowed down for the next few hours. And she gave birth in my room, under my bed. My mom told me to bring the cat outside and put the kitten somewhere else, despite the fact that I had never touched a kitten before

There's only one kitten, and I carried it by my unexperienced hand. Then the small one slipped from my hand, and I felt a sudden squishy something by my feet that felt very warm. Then I realized, I had stepped on the kitten. Only the head remained recognizable, while the body was completely destroyed. I can see the freaking intestines, which I didn't know that by the time. And the blood, that bloody pool of blood gushing out everywhere, soaking the carpet that it fell upon...

Damn, words aren't enough to justify such a gore that had kept me awake at nights, giving me frequent nightmares since I was 7 years old...

But the worse wasn't that, no. The mother was around, and soon after she started sniffing around the body. After a while of seemingly futile effort of reviving her kitten, she carried her kitten outside, where it was raining. And until she arrived at the gate, the rain splashing over the roadside to wet both her and her kitten, she put down the kitten. Then, she started mewing, while gazing at the rain. Gazing at the rain... The sound of her mewing non-stop, abruptly mixed with the sound of falling rain, plus that the sky looks, simply blue, blue all over covering the atmosphere like I'm in a twilight zone or something. This is the image that is forever etched in my memory...

That's the first time that I ever cried. The first time I cried not because I feel hurt or I'm hungry or whatever because its natural for me at that time, but because I'm genuinely sad. I felt it in my heart, I felt the way the cat lost her precious one, seeing her that resembles crying in the rain. This is the turning point in my life, the very first one way before I reached puberty. Starting from that day, I cared for the cats, like an obsessed man for his lover. After the first painful birth, Meow gave birth to a thousand more cats for so many generations, seven birth overall I think. And each time I watched her gave birth, cared for her looking for a place for her to deliver safely, and each kitten I cared for until they are even bigger than their mom

If I were to tell all the stories of all the cats that had filled my life with meaning and company, I don't think it won't fit this one blogsphere. And it will hold less meaning, less justification for them as the story is even bigger than life, it is a part of me. No words can be put up together so beautifully that it can reflects how I felt around these cats for the last 7 or 8 years of my life...


So there you go. If you want to know why I adores cat so much, strain your eyes, kill the desire to just go away because this post is just so goddamn long, and read till you puke. Hahahaha~ Peace

Oh, I can write this long after all :P

Kelas baru agak best dan serabut in every sense of way haha. Dan dia adalah sangat kerek dengan aku, dan dia bukan sekelas dengan aku...

Heyya, New Semester

Salam. Oh yeah, it's official right now. I'm a B.Ed Tesl student, for the next 4 years. So, Shah Alam will be my second home, and it's not so bad after all. I'm just grateful that I'm still blessed to have the chance to continue my studies, and I can still be with lots of my friend. And yeah, her too

Huhhh... I'm really not in the mood to write anything much, eventhough I do have something to let off from my chest right now

I'm practically all alone now. I'm the only one from the former Asasians that is staying at Block B Meranti, while the others are on the Block D. Each time, I would need to go over there to meet some familiar faces, just to have a little bit of fun. But that won't work everytime, and most of the time I found out that I just better be by myself in my own rooms with my own roommates rather than with them. And now, I'm practically all alone now

Weird thing is, I don't feel so bad about being lonely this time now. And I don't know why, because back then, not so long ago, I so hated that loneliness. I would desperately try to garner attention from people all over, and even sometimes I would go as far as making people hate me, just for the sake of the attention

I just now can't wait for Monday to start, ironically. I can't wait to see her face again

Lagu sajalah penyelamat aku ketika keseorangan...