Happy New Year

Now I wonder, why when it comes to new year, people would plans to go to the Curve? I wouldn't go there, as it is not my style, I even don't have permission from the loved ones to go clubbing and stuff. Plus, I won't risk the chance of running into familiar faces there, especially the one that lives nearby

Now enough talk already, I'm not in the mood for much writing. My plan tonight for the new year is playing some cool games namely o2Mania and perhaps some bad-guy-shooting with Call of Duty. Yeah, anti-social I may be, but at least I'm not doing something stupid, like I love you (Robbie William and Nicole Kidman's something stupid ahakz)

And not forgetting Allah too, maybe some Zikir afterwards and a few solat sunats. Oh I'm so far away from my mum, I wonder how I'm going to manage this...

En. Shah, if u're reading this, please lah En. Shah, jgn shuffle kelas kami semua, aku sayang semau classmates aku semua, walaupun aku jarang cakap dgn mereka semua...

Until We Meet Again

Lost, lost, lost. My thing seems to keep going away from me. The ultimatum to such discovery is that the last time I travelled to Shah Alam by bus, I've lost all my apparels and stuff, stockings, underwear, you know. So yeah... Sad face, lingering by the roadside, putting an ugly miserable face for a show for people passing by

List of thing that disappeared from my life, things I kind of treasured
>RM200 plus that is the class' money for the Biology textbook. It was actually the first time that people believed in me and trusted in me over the responsibilities of handling the money. In spite of me, being aloof and all, and somebody just have to steal them...
>My very first Identification Card, or MyKad as they so insist to call, was lost just before the end of the year's holiday sometime I can't remember. Because of that, I almost missed the oppurtunity to accompany my mom on a trip somewhere I can no longer remember now
>Celcom RM10 prepaid. Sounds like nothing big aite? But because of it, I've lost my dad's trust on me, and how he scolded me and left me feeling insecured about myself, whether I can even trust myself
>Not once, but twice I've lost my pendrive. Thing is, inside it contains the pictures of so many of my old friends back in the MRSM era and my juniors, which of now I can never replace. Losing that one somehow felt like losing my friends back then, and the treasured memories that I hold dear
>Nokia 6120 classic that is the gift from my sis. It was like when I lost my pendrive, except that my phone contained the pics of my friends from the UiTM, and also lots of long-lost friends number that I might never see them again. Need I explain further more?
>Look up, it's the ultimatum I mentioned before

But, enough. I'm just sick of this own self-sympathy. When I lost the bag, all the rage somehow were channeled out of me, as I keep shouting and messing around and making bad and dirty jokes both at the same time (thanks to Pak Din and Amri for putting up with me XD poor guys). I felt myself more open to talk, instead of just holding back everything inside. Back then, when people blamed me for my misfortune, I just kept it inside of me, saying that it is truly my fault, I'm the weak guy, I'm the sad one, without really doing anything to change myself for the better

After much shouting at Kolej Meranti and playing DoTA at my sis' house, I felt relieved now and will try to change myself for the better. Haha revelations? Think for yourself

First step, less self-sympathy in this blog. Therefore, I'm changing my header to "Until We Meet Again". It kinda have some positive vibe to it, plus it reflects my own desire to see all of my old friends again

Start of sem 2, baju yang aku akan pakai semuanya adalah baju2 bundle XD

5:18 AM

5:18 AM. It's been a long time since I got the opportunity to turn nocturnal and roam around into others personal space that they deliberately put up on the Net. Haha, skip that negativity, its people's right eh? Out of the blue I'm pointing this out, simply because my sis had somehow sneaked in to my blog, and wallah, cat outta the bag. That's kinda suck

Such is the price for the chance to write a blog this near subuh. Ya Rabbi, I kinda miss this kind of time, ya know? Last time I was at my another sis' house during the holidays, and imagine the amount of new things I've learned along the way. We all got the Net to thank for eh? Another point to score is, I got plenty of time to sit in front of a laptop and start writing a lengthy post such as this one. And ahh, today's a bit special, there's another reason why I started to write again

I've lost my cellphone, and I'm itching to release some stress here

So it happened. I don't want to talk much about it, 'cause I got stressed all over just thinking about that one. But darn it, I really want to say something, to somebody anyway anywhere. But you know, just forget it lah. When I'm scolded by my dad by about the next few hours, whereas should I be so bloody stressed to a boiling point, then I'll really start bitchin' about it. Sorry for the bad and rude choice of words, can't help it

BTN, BTN, yeah I haven't talked about that one yet, since I'm so preoccupied with my latest exam result. But lately, I haven't talked anything at all about, anything, pretty much write about it here. But being nocturnal do changes a certain thing, as with certain perspectives. So, BTN. What should I write about it. Definition, what, where, how, the normals

Biro Tatanegara. It is quite confidential in some ways that we're not allowed of our cellphone inside the camp (damn memories of my cellphone T_T) as to prevent us from outside contact. Will I be safe talking about it here? Mainly it is about... I myself don't have the mood to write in details about what BTN is all about, why bother worrying whether I'll be safe writing this one or not (mind ya, that's just sarcasm). If you wanna know what BTN is all about, go there for yourself, end of story

I just simpy want to talk about the activities there, what scar did it inflict on me, what happiness it temporarily brought upon me. First thing first, I got new friends. Especially from the Hawa side of the humanity. Since I'm just so painfully shy with the girls, it is hard for me to befriend them unless they are directly connected to me, e.g same class, similar friends, groups. Therefore, I'm kind of glad that BTN somehow gave me the chance to mingle with some of them and open up to people easier. Thing is, my family are worried about my aloofiness(?) in the society, and thought that I will not learn any social skills and ultimately transform me into a lonely freak that cowers in the presence of human being

Plus, that's what she told me to do before she left me forever for good

That aside, another thing about BTN is that it somehow pushed me for the better either physically or mentally. All the Kembara Hutan, flying fox, and stuff helped me move my big bottom a bit after weeks of pampering myself in front of the PS2, hey I got weight issues now :( heh. And the LDK provided by the facilitators there, mind-raking they are, my sleeps afterwards were accompanied by brain cramps. Get the idea? But through and through, I'm glad BTN sponsored all of this activities, as somehow my laziness is overpowered and I'm kind of revived, though for only a short while. Yatta!...

Hey, I can already start applying for my degrees now. Wonder how things will turn out afterwards...

Jitra-S.Alam-Ulu Sepri-S.Alam-Jitra-S.Alam, letih berjalan 2-3 menjak nih...

Exam Result?

I'm back from Negeri Sembilan after about 3 days of BTN there. The thing is, result is out for people to see them, and me, being a normal human being, can't resist the urge to see mine with swift haste. What a lovely surprise I got when I did just that

Hey, never in my life that I ever get a pointer of 3 and above, and that's saying something considering of 4 semester of my days in MRSM Beseri. Maybe to you guys, it's not such a big deal, but in a certain perspective my life is still young, and when you don't really excel and got real bad results, it can really get to your nerves somehow. So yeah, when I get 3.22 for my pointer I can't help but to say, Alhamdulillah, finally

Still, my mum, my sis, my dad just have to still criticize me, and kept saying that I could have easily achieved 3.5 and above. Looking at my own result, which I had done so repeatedly on the way back home, perhaps that's the truth after all. Though I only got 2 A, the other 5 or so subjects is at very least B- and more. I mean, who in Tanah Melayu would get B for his Sejarah or Mesian Studies, Computer Literacy, and worse Islamic Edu. I could easily scored A for those, and the very least snatched a minimum of 3.5. So yuh, more regret in my life

The thing is, I'm just too lazy. LAZY

I could've blamed it on my bloodline. If the Arabic tall dudes is known for their temper as their vice, perhaps in my blood there's just pure laziness. Aha, but I do have some Arabic blood in m heritage also that came from my dad's forefathers, so I'm kind of both lazy and have high temper, which kind of sucks. But that is just stupid lah, to blame on something that is subjective and after all, it's Allah gift bestowed upon us for a reason. I know it is there, and so it will, therefore I know I can always go and change myself for the better. So, what's my problem here?

It's a simple tradition where people start a new azam or whatever they are called in Brits languange upon the arrival of new year's dawn. So in response to my family's "attentiveness" to my result, next time I'm gonna show them a perfect 4-flat result to shove at their beautiful faces. Or perhaps just 3.5 and above, hey we gotta aim for the moon, so that we can at least fall on the stars aite? So yuh, that's my numero uno azam this new year around. I'm just sick of regrets in my life, particularly on my studies

Hey, next sem around, the beloved Mr Shah will reorganise the whole 4 groups of the TESL Foundation boys and girls, so perhaps I will not be in the same group with most of my former groups, perhaps all of them. Numero dos azam next year around, I'm gonna make more friends, gotta kick away the old habit of being painfully shy and an anti-social bastard and start to be myself again

I don't want to brag (really, I mean, :P hehe, oh what the hell) I got A for my Grammar. Just wanna tell that, since both my sis and my dad insist on how bad my grammar is :P

4 hari lg balik Shah Alam pulak. Sapa nk ikut?

Old Friends

15th of December. Never had I though before that such a plain and common day can be such a nice day to meet some old friends, either just plain coincidence or some meeting up at Tasik Darulaman. Nice lah to see some familiar face after been bunking up at home, my sis' at that, playing games with nothing else to do

Just a day before I went to Shah Alam for the BTN stuff, I met with many people I thought to have either not see them again or perhaps sometime in the future. But, as we all know, the future is a mystery, who knows what might tomorrow, aite? And talking to them, knowing that they still remember us and still take us as their friend, that's a gift, really

So yeah, I'm hell glad that I can see them again, today. Alhamdulillah

Celaka betulah BTN nih, aku baru ja nk rapat balik ngan kawan lama kat Jitra, ko plak dtng menyemak


I wonder, what should I write eh? Sometimes when the bulb does light up on my head, I found myself without a proper internet connection. I don't even have a laptop to start with. So maybe the idea of finally deleting this blog, truly delete it mind you, so yeah... Maybe

Oh, selamat Hari Raya Aidiladha anyways. Somehow Raya Haji this year felt more eventful than Raya itself

Letih bawak keta balik kampung ulang-alik...

She's Back Yuh

"Hah, ada nasik kat dapoq? Biaq betoi?", is what I said in surprise this afternoon

At last, she's back, my mum is. It is weird to think that I was the one who picked her up yesterday, but somehow I'm still used to her absence from before. Oh how I linger for her ever delicious cooking that is always the culprit behind my weight gain since the last holidays. Ohhh ikan pekasam, pajeri nanas, and karipap special made...

Now, enough nonsense. I'm just happy that our family's center of universe is back and everything went back to normal. I started to think about thing I'm not supposed to and thinking about her, I wonder if the loneliness would continue what kind of stupid thing I would've done

Heyy, now I know. Stuff at Indonesia is very cheap, I mean VERY

Since aku tak payah risau pasal nasi lg dh, aku dh boleh start balik guna duit aku untuk game heee :P

In Spite of Me

God, it was late, I was drunk
You saw me
The one by my side wasn't you
I'm sorry

And I knew right then
That I lost you there
But you took me in

In spite of me
You made me feel invited
Nobody else
That is what I decided

Selfish and dumb, stupid and young
Yeah, that's me
But from all of the wrongs, you make it right
And forgive me

It's been said before
But I'll try once more
You are the one

God, it was late
I was drunk
You saw me
The one by my side
He wasn't you
(You made me feel invited)
I'm sorry

Nobody else
That is what I decided

In spite of me, you're here
You made me feel invited
Nobody else
That is what I decided

In spite of me, you're here

In spite of me

In Spite of Me, by Marion Raven. Hahaha, how true I wish the lyrics would be for me and her. But, nahhh... I'm such a stupid insensitive man before, and it seems like I can never learn. There's no chance I'll be able to change the past

Karma huh. You hurt somebody, you're bound to be hurt someday

Allah ciptakan Hawa untuk membolehkan anugerah teman hidup dan juga keluarga. Jaga lah anugerah itu elok2...