Salam. Let's talk about jealousy, shall we? No no, its not about me, but an accident that happened between friends that I care so much for made me pondering on such a subject

Anyone, have you ever been deeply in love with somebody so much that you can't imagine a future without your partner? Like, you're so in love with the other that such a notion like a life without him or her is impossible and there's no way you can possibly live with it? If yes, imagine this. One day he or she did something so terrible and so heartbreaking that you may find it so hard to believe and to forgive him or her. People may say that it is just a normal jealousy and you're overreacting. Yet deep inside you don't feel that way, you feel hurt way beyond your minds and your understanding

I wouldn't know, because I'm yet to experience such love and hurt in my life. But here I am, facing them, the people that I care for, having to go through all of this. And I am helpless in front of them. I don't know how to put the words that can calm then, and I felt a pang of guilt for this. Before, they had helped me so much, listened to my problems that I can't share with my own family, and now, I can't do the same. And I feel so stupid and ashamed

Its all because of her jealousy. One can't really blame her though, as easy as it may seem. Because it really matters to her, and at the very least I can see that, and understand that, understand that jealousy

But in the end, I'm just a nobody for them. For how much I care for them, it can only go on for so much, yeah I realise my part in their life. But going through all of this, I finally learned something. It doesn't matter who you are, or how much you can do. What really matters is that you DO something, and not just crossing your arms saying that you wish you can do something to help but the truth is that you're too lazy to even try. It's an important lesson to learn, and it gave me a new perspective in life, which I needed so badly recently

So like yeah. I'm gonna change my attitude. I will no longer ignore them to die in my own loneliness, instead I'm gonna reach out and listen to many people as I can, and just try, try to make everyone happy in this world...

Hahaha, it may sound a bit cliche' or whatever, but coming to such realization doesn't seem so bad after all. Perhaps, I can truly be a teacher, and not waste my life before like I thought that I did before. Like Umar would say to me that never fails to make my day, "Go Ayahsu Go" *scroll upward to see the child mentioned*

Looks like this post is not entirely on jealousy after all. To both of that my friend, whatever happen next, just be happy okay? I can't bear to see you both get sad anymore

Aduh, balik rumah je dah start kena buat kerja rumah lah, jadi driver hantar2 orang lah, babysit bebudak lah, but oh well, home sweet home~

The End of Many Ends; Asasi TESL

Salam. So I guess this is it then... The end of our days as an Asasian together, the last of the days for us all...

Yet it just felt like yesterday that I first stepped into Kolej Meranti and INTEC. And it just feels like back then when I was still getting to know them all, boys and girls alike. And now, no more. No more of getting to class everyday, getting excited over meeting people here and there. No more listening to the lecturers, while having fun and creating havoc along the way. No more making such a din in the library that people know that the Asasians are the noisy bunch of group, yes we are popular for that

No more longing for her to pass by and smile, just to make my day...

Drama last night was something unexpected. A lot of good things happened, and yeah, my parents and my sister alongside her children was there too. Ahahaha, I was as nervous as hell, as if the pressure of doing well is not enough. My team did real well, it got some good feedback. I'm so glad for my team, they have struggled and sacrificed a lot for this to go well. But it's all no thanks to me. My voice projection sucks, and I did a few mistakes here and there. Heck, I even forgot one of my line. Oh well, I just hope that it will not affect the performance in any way

I'm just glad for them all. Whatever may be said afterwards the drama, people not being appropriately credited or whatever, I'm just glad to see that through the thick and thin, everyone stood together alongside with their team that night. We all know how much stressed we are before practicing the drama like crazy, and so caused our friendship to be tested. We fought, we screamed and we bickered at each other, and yet in the end we can see how well we can still work alongside together

Remember guys, this is our last days here. Cherish it well, forgive them all because we might not see each other ever again...

After SPM was over, my dad told me the truth of one harsh reality. There are people that after the end of our study, we will never see them again. And yeah, I never meet again some people from MRSM Beseri anymore. Even if we do still have contact through social networks like Friendster and stuff, it just won't do to justify our friendship. And now, I'm feeling like its starting all over again

Oh, I'm so gonna miss you guys. Asasi TESL 08/09, you guys are forever in my heart. Thanks for all the good memories that you guys had left me with, and I do hope you guys will remember me too. I'm so sorry for being such a jerk and a snob at the faculty, where I hardly smile at people that I'm so close with, and vice-versa, and so resulting some people to ditch me. I'm also sorry for being so deeply entwined in my own problems that my face would only reflects anger and sorrow, so much that people are somehow afraid of me. I know, I should've smiled more, and yeah, I'm sorry...

Goodbye guys. Good luck for your final and don't forget to say Bismillah before you answer it :)

Until we meet again...

Tetiba aku rasa taknak balik Kedah maupun pergi rumah kak aku study leave ni. Aku nak stay dengan diorang yang masih ada di sini... Sesapa kat Shah Alam, jom study dengan aku takpun kita pergi SACC ke PAS ke shopping2 hee~

I'm Morita

Salam. Today I missed class again, for the second time ever this sem, plus the drama practice earlier. And the reason is? Like last time, I slept throughout the morning

Which kinda reminded me of Morita who had to repeat his study for so many years for the same reason :)

Oh, whatever. I can't really blame anyone for it except for myself. Even as lately as people are starting to get away again from me like the start of first sem. Even as people stopped reminding me of class whenever there is one like they are used to before. Even as I'm alone again, even in my own room, they no longer cared to help wake me up for Subuh or class

Huh, so whatever

The guilt is killing me right now. Thanks to my father, the mentality of never miss a class or you're doomed for life is deeply etched into my heart. I would never miss a class unless I got a good reason to tell myself, or I just can't bear with it. Hmph, should my father know of this, he would slap-bitch me silly to a degree of a bloody pulp, that it won't make a difference whether my face is ugly or beautiful initially

See, April

Minta maaf group drama aku, dengan Miss Afni sekali pasal tak datang kelas hari ini. Marah lah aku nanti

April's Again

Salam. Its already second of April and I really got nothing else to say about it

Got a drama practice this morning. The other group did pretty well, they are such a good actor and an excellent dancer. Eheh. Point down for my self-esteem going next to practice and perform. I just hope that I did well during practice, for the sake of my team :/

Oh whatever jela. I really hope 9th and 10th of April will go along just fine for everyone

See, April? It is always the month where everyone is do darn busy with works and stuff. Deadlines are always accompanied with the word April somewhere, and they always start it off with April's Fool. Freaking tricks. Mind ya, I don't do April's Fool, okay. I hate it

I can't really say that I like April. Because loneliness rhyme real well with April to me, and this year around, it will be the month of goodbyes. And I really hate goodbyes, so yeah

Mari-mari kita lihat drama 9 dengan 10 April ini kat dewan besar INTEC nun jauh disana Seksyen 17 :)