Sayonara April

Nothing last forever. Even this polaroid picture, I can touch it, I can keep it safe in my possession, but one day it will also fade away. The colours of all the faces, the fabric torn away by time, it's just the same for us. It is kinda sad, but then again, we can't feel happiness without expecting sadness along with it. One day we feel so high, we would never know when we would fall down so hard. We love someone dearly, but one day we might never see that person again

But for now, let me cherish these memories for a while. Let me cry like a child for just this once, for I am so afraid of being alone. Tell me lies, tell me that we'll stay like this forever, and I'll believe you with all my heart. I just want to forget about the past, I don't want to think about the future, I just want now

I love you. Goodbye April, may we meet again in a different, more pleasant manner next time...

Forgiving Oneself

I used to find this very hard to believe. I don't know how one could forgive himself, at least in my own perspective. For every bit of regret and disappointment, I could only blame myself for everything, especially when it concerns people that I care about. It only seemed right, with my logic and reasoning all going against such belief

Little did I know how much bitter I'd become. At least for now, I'm slowly getting a grasp on how you can forgive yourself. I can't really say that I'm already over anything, but just that I'm trying harder now

Full Moon

This deep affection towards dunya inside of me is way strong. As I gaze at the moon, I became instantly transfixed upon it and forgot everything else. But as time passes by, I realized that everything will never stay the same. In this imperfect world that only serves as a temporary station, we can only linger but never be truly be satisfied. Only in remembering Him, will everything be okay

I've got to stop bothering about what people think about me~


i feel that, the more i'm drawn into this dunya
the more that i'm falling out of it
with every cut and every slash

now, i feel like people are seeing me as some kind of freak
that short glance when i come into the picture
and the silence that follows

when i've lost the trust of friends that care
that understand, that persevere
wish and regret don't even matter anymore

and now i wonder
if i would just fade away, if i'm no longer am
would i still feel this alone


"I think, therefore I am is the statement of an intellectual who underrates toothaches.

I feel, therefore I am is a truth much more universally valid, and it applies to everything that’s alive.

My self does not differ substantially from yours in terms of its thought.

Many people, few ideas: we all think more or less the same, and we exchange, borrow, steal thoughts from one another. However, when someone steps on my foot, only I feel the pain.

The basis of the self is not thought but suffering, which is the most fundamental of all feelings.

While it suffers, not even a cat can doubt its unique and uninterchangeable self.

In intense suffering the world disappears and each of us is alone with his self.

Suffering is the university of ego-centrism."

Milan Kundera - Immortality

I see that it will be very quiet soon. Not the serene kind of quiet, but more a quaint, disturbing quiet of a night alone. As if the Spiderman is having you for dinner later on~

I hate this stupid ego. I'm sorry Aisyah, I'm really sorry...

At the Stroke of Midnight

There was only four us, two of 'em smoking, the other and me just staring towards the empty space that was starting to fill around midnight. The white cat just sat still on the white chair, acting as if he or she was also a part of our little kingdom.

"Thanks guys."

They shifted their attention, and then mumbled something I didn't bother to listen. I gave them a smile that was barely visible under the dim light of the overhead lamp post. I glanced over at my handphone, reading that particular message again and again.

And I taught there was tears inside my eyes. And I wonder is it because of her? Or was it because of just pure tiredness caused by the hectic day.


Seems like you really hate me now ehh? Hate, or whatever words you may choose, I guess there's nothing else I can do to fix it...

I really do hope that you're happy

Words Words Words

I'm cherishing my friends now. I'll try my best to think less about self, but more about other people around me, no matter what the situation is. I'll drown this sorrow inside, and find air through their happiness

Words are no longer the kind of words I used to linger on to, at least for now. So until I find it back, guess I'll just stick to pictures, and musics

I'll always be there for you, no matter what you said to me, how hurtful it was. Guess I gave up too much of myself for you that I just can't simply go away, far away from you

Please be happy, and forgive me for everything. I hope that one day you will understand