End of May

Its nearly the end of May now
Soon it will be over
Then, 28 more days until my university life
I'm so gonna miss the freedom
Even as I miss going back to school this very moment

The end of May, and so
About another week the holiday's gonna end
All the bebudaks at my house will be there till then
So much chaos, yet so much fun
Meaning, not enough time for myself lately...

Hikmah behind Misfortune

After falling again and again and again
I finally realized how useful patience can be
All these times I heard my old mans say
Sabar tu separuh daripada iman
Wala assobru minal iman
Setiap benda yg berlaku tuh ada hikmahnya
I didn't understand then, but now
After many bad things that happened to me
I realized that things somehow turned for the better
Even when it started happening, I felt like
This is so bad, nothing can be done
But eventually, as they say
Things do turn out the better if you just
Be patience and calm

I've done many mistakes in the past
But still, no bad things ever happen to me
After all these years, only now that I realize that
Maybe it is all because of my family
My mom never stopped praying for me
And my dad spent lots of money correcting my mistakes
Maybe its time to make it up
Time to pay back for their deeds...

Firadatul Jannah

"Jannah, can you please take that cup for me" I asked Jannah.

"Why don't you take it yourself?" she shot back.

Really, she can be such a monster sometime.

Behind that very beautiful face of hers.

"Ow come on, pleaseee?" I tried again.

She left me, and that is that.

"Ahh, and you know I hate Riz" I raised my voice a bit so she can hear me.

Riz is a true monster, he just won't forget our wrongdoing to him.

And recently I spilled Milo on his table, really bad mistake.

He took my cup, and kept it since.

"You know him, he won't give it back to me, Jannah" I called again.

"And you think he'll give it to me?" she shouted from inside.

"You're a girl, maybe he'll do listen to you" I said.

Silence, I really hate that from her.

Meaning you'll never gonna hear a word again.


I never really got to understand Jannah.

3 years of working together doesn't help at all.

"Fira, come here" Farah, her friend called for her.

Fira, only her close friend can call her that.

Which means butterfly, Firadatul.

"Farah!" giggled Jannah, clearly have a gossip to discuss.

"Hey, our work is still not finished" I cut them both.

"Hehe, surely you can manage without me" Jannah smiled at me.

Really, how can I say no to that.

"Whatever jelaa" I sighed.

I stole a glance at them while working.

How can I concentrate on work?

Not while she kept smiling there.

"Spying on Jannah again?" Zhaf appeared from nowhere.

"Huh, what, no, no way" I blushed.

"Really, your face is red" he grinned at me.

"Its real hot here" I looked the other way around.

"Yeah, with Jannah around" he grinned even wider.

Really, Zhaf can be so annoying sometimes.

So annoying that he really understands me.

I continued work, nevertheless.


Riz is still mad at me, from the way it looks like.

Still, I'm really thirsty, and I won't buy drinks downstair.

"Hey, umm, Riz" I said trying on a conversation.

"Is it work, if not..." he said without looking at me.

"Well, uhh, about yesterday" I said lower.

"You want your cup again?" he asked, this time looking at me.

"Yeah, and sorry about yesterday" I said finally.

"No" came the answer.

He can be such a jerk sometime.

Well, I won't take it from him.

"What?! I mean, why not?" I asked him.

"You need to be punished" he exclaimed.

Ow come on, I cleaned up and said sorry.

Though he gotta retype all the documents.

"Riz, man..." I said before he cut me.

"You need to be punished" he said that again.

"Don't be a jerk Riz" Jannah called from the otherside.

Was she listening all this time?

"No, he need to be punished..." Riz exclaimed again.

"Just give him back his cup and get to work" Jannah told him.

"Hey just mind your own business" Riz shot back.

While he was focused on Jannah, I saw my cup.

I took it and left.

"Just shut up, jerk-ass" Jannah gave the final say.

As she was getting back to office, we crossed path.

"Thanks, Jannah" I smiled.

"I just can't help it" she smiled back.

That kept me energized all day long.


"Finished already?" Zhaf asked me.

"Done" I take a sip of coffee to make a point.

"So what are you doing tonight?" Zhaf inquired further.

Now I haven't thought of that.

"Why don't you ask Jannah out?" Zhaf said.

"Huh, what..." I'm still reluctant about that when he suggested it.

"Farah got work tonight, so she said Jannah will be alone" Zhaf said.

Now, that's something.

"You really think I should ask her?" I gotta ask his opinion.

But he left, without saying a word.

What's his problem?

"Ask me what, Ariff?" Jannah came out of nowhere.

Dammit, I'm not prepared at all.

"Um well" I'm practically whispering.

"Come on, say it out loud" Jannah said.

"Well, are you free tonight?" I finally decided to push my luck.

"Kind of, yeah" and she suddenly smiled.

Of all things amazing and wonderful, this is one of it.

"Wanna go have a drink or something?" I said at last.

"Sure" Jannah's smile did not fade even a bit.

That's it, after waiting for 3 years.

She went past me, her smile still can be seen.

Finally, I can try to understand her a bit more.

My beautiful angel, butterfly from heaven.

Before she close the door, she gave me another smile.

"Thank you Allah, for giving me another chance" I prayed in silence.

Head-2-head With Polis

Bangkai betul lah
I got caught in a roadblock for the first time
Because I carry a passenger
When I only have an L license
Dammit, I gotta go to court on 28th of July
Bloody nuisance, I'm already far away that time
And surely, some scolding from my father
That's gotta be such a pain in the ass...

Addicted to Music

I love musics, in fact I'm addicted to them
Though its bad, getting addicted, I know
But still, I can control it somehow
I don't buy mp3, and only listen to radio and on com
Still, the quench for music is still there
well, maybe if I write about some of my
All-time favourite songs and bands, it might help
Help me appreciate these tunes inside my head
That just won't get out of there

Raihan, I totally head over heels with these guys
Well, the Raihan from before to be exact
To me, they are the best nasyeed group ever in Malaysia
I in fact grow up with their songs
Everytime I go to school back then
Raihan cassette was played everytime
I got so used to them that I can remember their lyrics
By heart, every single word of it
Even until today

Innuendo, perhaps the first love song I've heard
I can still remember Belaian Jiwa being crooned
Back then when it was so famous
With that song I began to fall in love with
What they call jiwang and blues song
The tunes is so beautiful, it lulls you into sweet dream
And the lyrics is so inspiring, it sticks with you
Plus, I had some good memories with that song
When I was still young, I used to
Sing this song with a good old friend
A friend that I never meet again
And singing this song brings up that memories...

Ronan Keating, just who wouldn't love them?
Perhaps the sucker that say love song is for sissy
And boy band is for gays, really, those freaks
But seriously, his love song is so wonderful
Their lyrics is so memorable and sweet and nice
If Tomorrow Never Comes, for example
The lyrics seems to be very connected to me
As a recently I've lost someone dear to me
Read the lyrics, and you'll know what I mean
PS, listen to Father and Son
A collaboration of Ronan Keating and Yusuf Islam
A very nice song, everyone should listen to it

Bad Day by Daniel Powter
Accidentally In Love by Counting Crows
Both are a piece of nice love song
Whenever I hear these songs
I will stop whatever I'm doing, and listen
Bad Day's video clip is so touching
I regard it as the best ever video clip
And Accidentally In Love is the same as Belaian Jiwa
In that song, lies the memories of someone
Someone used to be very important to me...

Red Hot Chilli Peppers, introduced me to Rock n Roll
A single view of Californian video clip
I was smitten, I fell in love instantly
And as I listen to more of their piece
I realized how I liked their music so much
Especially the guitar play by Flea, mind-blowing
I started to move from R&B and started head jamming
These guys totally changed my perception about music
And made me more open minded

Jon Bon Jovi, simply classic
It's My Life, Wanted Dead Or Alive
Have a Nice Day, Thank You for Loving Me
To me, his song is very unique
As if it stands alone in the music industry
Yet it is still so beautiful, and mesmerizing
He will always be legend in my eye

Jason Mraz, the indie wonder man
He specializes in love songs
And has produced the best of them in the business
To me, the best of all is You and I Both
I can still remember when I was so little
I used to watch the video clip, amazing artwork
And years later when I heard it once again
I felt excitement rushing up my head
It felt really good, that excitement
Its like to have found a long lost friend
And that was what Jason Mraz's song did to me

Nickelback, simply wonderful
These Canadians rockers sure are amazing
Many of their songs is my favourites
This Is How You Remind Me, Rockstar
And If Everyone Cared, a song where
It promotes peace by reminding us
To care and love others and not hate them
They can never be better than Jon Bon Jovi
But they came close

Within Temptation, the only goths song I listen to
Their first song I ever listen to is Somewhere
Somebody made a video clip of Final Fantasy X using the song
And it was perfect, the song is so beautiful
The lyrics synced perfectly with the story
The video clip became a perfect portrait
For the love story of Tidus and Yuna
(Plus, Final Fantasy X is my fav game)
And after that I began listening to other WT
I later found out that they are almost perfect
I loved almost every one of their song
Eventhough I later found out that they are
Gothic-based band, I'll just bear with it

Paramore, a refreshing source of music entertainment
These punks sure make some very good musics
I only recently listen to them by recommendation
But I instantly fell in love with them
Their song somehow reminds me of the spunks
That Red Hot Chilli Peppers' song had, though different
And I need no more reasons to start a collection
I listened to all of their songs
And not so surprisingly, I liked them all

Gosh, I wrote too much again
I doubt anybody will ever read up until this point
Nevertheless, I don't care
I blog for the fun of it
And as I'm writing this particular post
I feel real nostalgic, going through these songs
It seems like I was going back from back then to the present
And the wonderful part of it
Its like watching a video clip of my life

It's real bad to be addicted to music
But as I listen to Belaian Jiwa writing this blog
I guess a few songs to soothe the heart
Can't do me much harm, can it?

Going Away

I really want to go somewhere
So I'll go now
Leave a message if there's anything
I'll get to it, sooner or later


Tag huh?

Somebody tagged me so uhhh...
Should I do it like this?

1. 7 facts about me
2. 7 things that scares me
3. 7 current songs
4. 7 words I that like to say again2
5. 7 most important things
6. 7 of my firsts
7. 7 blog got shot huh...

~lonely but don't mind
~chubby cause I just can't help it :P
~sucks at driving both car and motorbike
~like nasyeed but also listen to goths music, at the same time
~have a mild necrophobia
~real damn shy with girls, especially the beautiful ones
~abhor politics so much

~rain (certain time only)
~left alone in this world
~fall from a tall building
~those geisha dolls

~Our Farewell by Within Temptation
~Tell Me Baby by Red Hot Chilli Peppers
~Misery Business by Paramore
~The Great Escape by Boys Like Girls
~When I Get Home, You're So Dead by Mayday Parade
~Father and Son by Ronan Keating feat Yusuf Islam
~Father and Daughter by Paul Simon

~Errk, Alhamdulillah
~Uarghhh... Astagfirullahalazim
~You bloody bitch

~my faith in Islam
~myself as in health
~my parent
~my sisters and brother
~family everwhere
~my life

~fall in love (form 5)
~stayed in a dorm with strangers (form 4)
~my first motorcycle and car ride (after SPM)
~alone in the house for about 2 weeks, damn lonely (form 3)
~first breakup (form 5)
~ride a go-kart (entah bila)
~travelled alone from Kedah to KL (form 3)

~no idea

Lyrics singing out loud

Setelah kupahami
Ku bukan yang terbaik
Yang ada di hatimu

Tak dapat kusangsikan
Ternyata dirinyalah
Yang mengerti kamu
Bukanlah diriku

Kini maafkanlah aku
Bila ku menjadi bisu
Kepada dirimu

Bukan santunku terbungkam
Hanya hatiku berbatas
Tuk mengerti kamu
Maafkanlah aku

Walau kumasih mencintaimu
Kuharus meninggalkanmu
Kuharus melupakanmu
Meski hatiku menyayangimu
Nurani membutuhkanmu
Kuharus merelakanmu

Dan hanyalah dirimu
Yang mampu memahamiku
Yang dapat mengerti aku

Ternyata dirinyalah
Yang sanggup menyanjungmu
Yang lama menyentuhmu
Bukanlah diriku

To Hafidz out there
You better take care of her and cherish her with all of your heart
Or else, I'll smash your face into pieces
Got that?

Gotta find a new song now
Suggestions, people?


Guys and girls
I really don't know what is Link and Tag
This stuff seems to be the norms around blogs site
And I can't help myself feeling stupid
Somebody teach me pleaseeee...?

I know, I know, my blog suck
Long and boring and corny
But I still like for you guys to link me or tag me
Whatever that is
And I'm sure to be glad to do the same

It's all just about making new friends to me
I must be pretty desperate and lonely...

Teacher Practice XD

I can't even notice what is the date today
All of a sudden, I was here among all the teachers
Around me in the staff room, heh
Being the only kid here, you sure get all the attention
My sis already left to the main hall where
The form 5 students are taking their exams
Sure is boring here, after a while

Last night some relatives of mine, a girl
Who came from Terengganu, drop by here
Cause she had to attend PLKN at Perlis
So she thought she could stay at my home the night before
So me, being the gentlemen (shy is most probably :P)
Offered to get my backside out of the house
So she could have her privacy around my house
Neither she nor I can stand staying in a house together
Its just to uncomfortable, and so not nice of
So the night later I'm at my sis' house
And the next thing I know is that
I followed her to her workplace
Namely MJSC Kubang Pasu

Since I'm going for TESL anyway after this
I thought that I could try expose myself a little
To the secret world of teaching profession
Get a feel of the teachers, you know what I mean?
So strolling down the pathway to the staff room
I met lots of teacher around
Some I knew from MJSC Beseri
Ustaz Manzur, Teacher Shima, Ckg Azaidi, Ckg Ajis
Greeted some, avoided others, what can I say?
And I had some conversation with the teachers there
I'm glad to have done so, I learned many new things

Never had I known before, how much
Difficult is a teachers life, well around paperworks that is
You gotta do all the stuffs yourself, without help
And yet, as a student, I had never known before
Sure, maybe I can figure out on my own
But only now I realized how tough a teacher's job can be
Don't forget marking, with loads of papers to check
Now I realized it, I felt bad for bad-mouthing my teachers
When they made a mistake at marking my papers
When they had so many papers on them
It's just human to do the mistake
And school's activity and all the report
Which they had to arrange and make on their own
That sucks

One funny thing is, there's this one very puny guy
I guess he must be in Form 1 at least
Actually referred me as a teacher
When I was goofing off on my laptop, reading online manga
I wondered what made him into doing that
I was wearing a plain black t-shirt, nothing special
And I was clearly goofing off around, manga, people
But anyways, it left me wondering
Despite all the hardworks the teacher had to endure
Maybe it was worth it all
Because of the student (as I used to be)
The way they talk, the way they walk
All around the staff room, I see them wander by
Hungry for knowledge and, somehow
This makes the teacher feel happy to help them
I see that a lot around here, and it made me
A little happy perhaps, that maybe one day
I can feel the same way too

Teaching sure is one helluva tough job
But I have made my mind now
Nothing else is gonna stop me now

Happy Mother's Day

And to whom shall I dedicate this blog to
None other than my mom, wouldn't it?
But the reality is, I probably won't say it to her
I'm not being cold-hearted, as it may seem
Just that it is so

Can you imagine
18 years of living in the house
I've never celebrate Mother's Day at all
Not to mention Father's Day, Valentine's
Surprisingly, not even our birthday's
I can't remember how things turned to be so
At least, we can wish each others at our birthdays
Somehow we became so stiff at such events
Therefore, these days I appreciate birthdays wishes
If anyone ever remembered it and wished me birthdays
I'll remember them forever, and will always
Wish them birthdays forever as I'm able to

Anyway, back to the main point
It's Mother's Day today, 11th of May, isn't it
Just thinking how others are wishing their mothers
My neighbour came in earlier on and said that
Her daughters will want to cook for all day
And let their mom rest for the rest of the day
How sweet of, not only did they wish their mom
They also give an effort to please their mom
How am I jealous of that

I loved my mother
No matter how many times she annoys me
All the chores, all the complaining
I still loved her, above all else, other than
Allah S.W.T and Muhammad p.b.u.h, of course
Even if I can't find myself saying to her
Therefore, I'm writing a blog in hope of
A bit of salvation for myself
I guess maybe I can do something else for her
Water the plants, whatever to help her out, eh?

Fat, and lonely

I really hate to have nothing to do
In this house, far away from the outside world
As every minutes passed me by
I was doomed to what nearly turned me
Into a stupid, fat desperate guy

Hate it when I have no motivation
Peace which is totally too much for me
Turned me into a cat that is fed every day
No more instincts for survival left in him
And are even afraid of their own prey, namely mouse
How bad that is, as it is inevitable
Here I am, a fattening cat of a rich somebody
I'm not cat cute, which damn sucks yeah

How I missed the schools day
At least, I have quite a purpose in life back then
And some friend to keep me company
Some things meaningful to do either
Even as stressful as study, it is
Though I won't be able to watch animes anymore
I gotta set my priorities right
Gotta admit life back then is more exciting
Heh, thinking back how I hated the schools
And were wishing that I will be like what I am now
Owhhh, be careful of what you wish for
Like they say...

Some of my friends is going to Matriks soon
And that include those to IPTS
I will not be going anywhere soon
How I envy them, peculiar things to say eh?
Anyway, I wish you guys luck
No matter how you perceive things like
I sincerely hope that you guys will be succesful
Later on in life
Goodbye for now
And don't forget me just yet

Letting go

Have you ever loved someone
Loved her or him so much that the world seems to be yours
And to be waking up someday realizing
She or he will never be with you again?
Have you ever been hurt so much
The half-heart you gave to her or him
The most precious gift to show your dedication
To be smashed just like that?
Have you ever wondered why
This person that you loved so but is a stranger
Only to win your heart with words
But to break it with words also?

Letting go is very damn hard
Somehow it seems to be harder than to fall in love
But life is never bed of roses
All good things come to an end, as they say
Letting go is so damn hard, did I say that already?
When your only salvation from loneliness is her or him
Somehow letting go is like scarring yourself on purpose
It is never pleasant, nor it have pity on us
All the time we are with them
All those I love you messages
All the calls every Friday night
Letting go is hard
It is because I love her
And I can't forget her...

But life goes on
There's nothing worse than a weeping sucker
For a guy like me whose family depends on to
For a guy with friends that trust him
For a guy that the society cares for
For a guy Allah gave him a life
To nourish in this world, and to preserve
All the gift given to him in this world
My duties is yet to be fulfilled
How can I sulk and let myself down?
I have a lot to do now

Letting go sure is hard
But I realize now it must be same for the opposite
Everybody loved somebody, and perhaps got hurt later
But there's more to life, we can't give up
Kumbang bukan sekor, bunga berkuntum-kuntum
You have to set your priorities right
Whatever happened is in the past
No use pondering on it anymore
What's important is how to stand up again
Seeing her happy makes me realizes that
How she is seeing someone again
In a much better way than with me
Plus consent from her parents, which I can never have
She was also hurt, but she is letting go
And so should I, as a matter of fact
Gotta learn from her, haha
She's 4 years younger than me

Anyway, doesn't the love stories everywhere
Suggest that even if you can't be with your love
Seeing her happy is enough remedy to cure the old scar?
She is so happy nowadays, no more goofing around
With a jerk like me, better that way
I'm just happy, anyway
That somehow she did got something from me, in a good way
Like how I told her that I prefer girls that wear kurung
How she changed after that, going to OU in kurung
While others are in their jeans
And her relationship with her father is better
Even for at least a little
I'm glad that I did something good for her after all
Thinking that she will grow better next time
Though it will no longer be with me alongside

Sacrifice sucks, breakups too
But a pakcik once said to me
Kumbang bukan sekor, bunga berkuntum-kuntum
Let life be lah, forget her
Get going, Ariff

Cats, and me

Honestly la kan, I really like cats
I'm not trying to garner any affection from the opposite sex or
Something dishonest like that
Simply, I just LOVED cats so much
I don't care what others think about that
Seems like everybody hates cat around my house, other than my sis
And almost all the guys I knew when I was growing up
They did kick the cats out when they are sniffing their feet
Rather than holding them with love and care
Pfft, cruel people...

I basically grew up with lots of cat around the vincinity
They are all may kinds of stray cat around my neighbourhood
And one, was destined to be fond of me, and stayed around for good
It was a female, with patches from previous battles
Not too beautiful, and such a skinny body, till the end of it
Bloody, I called her miaow, what a stupid name an 8 year old can came up with
Anyway, that's my first cat ever, the heart of everything those days
And the wonderful thing about her, or disastrous to my mom
Being a female, she sure gave us many descendents for us all
Four of the greatest cats I ever owned came from her womb

I grew up with cats, how the facts touched me so much
Looking up the old days, I realized that those cats were
My companions, whenever I was lonely
How I turned to them whenever I felt lonely
And those constant hours, when it was raining outside
I would hold them close to my heart, against their own heartbeat
I became mushy, simply because cats is such a gentle creature
I found closure in them, when I can't trust others
My childhood is such a fragile one
I don't think I could survive without the cats
Not before I learn how to trust the others
How cats gave me strength before
Thinking back, I was so damn grateful

Nowadays, I realized why am I so lonely
Maybe one of the reason is because there more cats in my life
Therefore, this is one of my way to remember them
Hopefully, one of these days
I can find find the replacements of the wonderful creatures
And find back the strength I once sought from these guys

UPSR, PMR, SPM : A Summary

Its over now, all those big giants in my growing up everyday life
Finally, all the meaning of my life as a child and also as a teen
Its over, finally, so quick at that one too
I didn't have a chance at all to sit down
And ponder on what's coming up next, a scary thought

Firstly first, the results overall
UPSR, 4A and 1B, which is Science
PMR, 6A and 2B, which is Geography and PI
Finally, SPM, quite the eye opener here
BM, BI, Maths, and EST is A1
History and PI I managed a A2
Chemistry, scraped a B3, somehow
Add Math, Biology and Physics is B4
Quite bad, for a MRSM student like me
Everybody else is so much better than me
Especially in Science's subject, unlike how I fared
Which sucks, terribly

The expectations suddenly died
Life suddenly feels so different
And the worst of all, I suddenly realized that I'm getting older
And one bad things of feeling oddly old is
You have great tendency to remembers thing a lot
Family, friends, teachers, cohorts, places, peoples, stuff
Its like being in a trance, with all these feelings on me now
But such is the aftermath of a student's life abrupt ending
Bigger things are coming my way now, and there's simply
No way to be stupor in memories of the old days
Forget it, forget them all, universities coming
The real pinpoint of life, of what you shall become later on
Life begins yeah, so better start firing my backside now
Or else, I'll be left behind

But, such thing is not starting yet
Though it has already begin its momentum
So I found myself alone in my room
Thinking, again and again and again
I remembered a phrase from Squall Leonheart
"I hate to have nothing to do, because it makes me think a lot" such is his words
It can be related to me now, so I'll use that
And the thing that bothers me the most is my SPM result, not surprisingly though
Finally I realized the side of myself that I've never seen before
All that I thought of myself is wrong, my perceptions
And realized my own capabilities
My own weaknesses is not trying to improve myself
Whatever it is, it's like somebody suddenly shoved a mirror in front of my face
And that terrible truth struck me so hard
I felt from reality, real bad

But no matter, I can always stand up again
Because I know, my family and friends is there supporting me
And I can always depend on Allah S.W.T to help me
All I have to do is try to stand up on my own again
All the prayers and all the love
Please help me, help me get on with life...