Mesian Studies Can Kill You

Look at what 15 chapters of Sejarah in English in just one night can do to you...

Haduih, hehe xnak procastinate lg dh pasni. Naseb baek next sem mesian studies xdak dh, cos akan digantikan dgn drama. Wait, wth?!!!


Sadness, no use in trying to heal it. What's done is done, no need to succumb in it anymore. Forget all about it, and start to focus again, eheh

Final exam and MUET, remember?

Totally pointless, tapi aku nk wat camna? Blog ja tempat aku vent punya kebabian hidup nih, since family aku xdak kat sini. Waa aku rindu Kedah gila2

Take a Break

This pic was taken one day after subuh, and it was raining. Heaven for those snoring boys in my room

I stayed up all night until the next morning, from the midnight to the next subuh, and the reason for me doing so is that I was finishing the Mesian Studies essay. I don't know if my body can take it anymore, lately it seems like I haven't had enough sleep. Assignments, test, playing games, all of this demanding activities has finally taken some toll on me in terms of sleep. Thus, hereby I'm proud to declare that I am an insomniac now

Enough of that bullshit up there. What I'm really trying to say is that I'm really tired lately and in need of some rest. So that's why I'm staying at my sister's house during this Deepavali, and meet up with my nephews and niece. At least I can let off some steam here

And oh yeah, exam's on this Wednesday. With money running short, this is all we could enjoy at the moment. Oh, what the heck

Rupa-rupanya pembedahan Asyraf nnti adalah yg pertama kat Mesia, so perhaps nnti akan masuk paper. Heheh, ada can la aku nk tumpang glamer :P

Lost at Words

Okay, now I truly give up. When I no longer have time to blog, nor do I have the ability to write when I do get a chance to write a new post, it's time to fly somewhere first right? For the time being, it's going to be towards the exam hall, haha whatever jela

Soon, I'll be flying to Indonesia :-)

Cepatlaa habis exam ngan MUET. Mekaseh pada Mohd Haziq Hanafi kerana sudi bawak aku balik Kedah dengan dia nnti nih, jimat duit tiket aku

Behind a Smile

Perhaps blog is the best place to bent out all of your feeling when you can't show it to the world, as I observe it. I've seen people singing song happy and putting happy smiles on the outside, but their blog is like a dead man's diary, full of sadness and sorrow. Therefore, I'm dedicating this song to you guys, because perhaps if this is what you're feeling, know that there are others that share the same feeling as you...

Cause I don't know what I should do now
When I've exausted all I know how
Still all of my efforts, they fail me
Leaving me broken and empty
I can't go on, half living this life on my own
Cause I'm hiding behind this smile
No, I haven't come out for awhile
See there is this place so empty inside me
I keep hiding behind this smile
There must be some place warmer than here
Because my teeth just chatter and I live in fear
But every attempt I attempt just impails me
Leaving me broken and empty
And I can't go on, half living this life on my own
Cause I'm hiding behind this smile
No, I haven't come out for awhile
See there is this place so empty inside me
I keep hiding behind this smile
Cause no I'm not okay
No I'm not alright
Cause I'm hiding behind this smile
No, I haven't come out for awhile
See there is this place so empty inside me
I keep hiding behind this smile

And oh, by the way, this song is sung by Matt Wertz. He has been around, just that perhaps people hasn't notice much of him. Touring with likes of Jason Mraz, Jamie Cullum and Gavin DeGraw, heard in the movie My Super Ex-Girlfriend, surely he's something worth to listen to

Lirik lagu lagi. Kemanakah ayat2 aku ini menghilang?

Falling Slowly

I don't know why, but it seems that lately I have lost my words, literally. I can't write what my thought is processing inside my head, and it's annoying me like hell. Thus, here I am again, putting the lyrics of the current song I'm listening too. And as always, it's the lyrics that draw me towards a certain song

I don't know you
But I want you
All the more for that
Words fall through me
And always fool me
And I can't react
And games that never amount
To more than they're meant
Will play themselves out

Take this sinking boat and point it home
We've still got time
Raise your hopeful voice you have a choice
You've made it now

Falling slowly, eyes that know me
And I can't go back
Moods that take me and erase me
And I'm painted black
You have suffered enough
And warred with yourself
It's time that you won

Take this sinking boat and point it home
We've still got time
Raise your hopeful voice you had a choice
You've made it now

Take this sinking boat and point it home
We've still got time
Raise your hopeful voice you had a choice
You've made it now
Falling slowly sing your melody
I'll sing along

Semua orang ada kisah sedih depa yang sendiri. Kelas aku, adalah salah satu example yang cukup baik untuk lihat contoh2 kesedihan yang ada di dunia ini. Aku secara jujur harap diaorang semua dapat happy seperti sedia kala, seperti wajah yang sering depa pamerkan

An Unexpected Call

Ya Allah Ya Rabbi, please be with her during these hard times...

Kakti called this morning while I was having my brunch (breakfast + lunch), and though I was a little bit pleasantly surprised, she told me the bad news. Asyraf, her son aka my nephew, just had another surgery last night. I mean, wth, aren't his second surgery should be done later, but it seems like his another lung collapsed. Astaghfirullahalzim...

Gosh, I wonder how is she taking all this all in. Things are not going well lately, especially with her own personal problems, and now this. When she called me, she offered to fetch me from my college to her house, so I could visit Asyraf. Normally, I would have agreed instantly, even as I have some kind of MUET bengkel stuff tomorrow, heck, I would even skip class should there be one tomorrow. But, I said I would think about it first, as I remembered my dad's advice not to disturb her during this times, so later I messaged her that I couldn't make it...

I wonder, if it is the right thing to do. I know, as my dad said, my presence in her house will make things worse, considering the problem she had with that guy. But somehow, deep inside, I think that somehow if I'm there with her, maybe I could help console her a bit, be her strength like she used to do for me. Quoting from the anime Honey and Clover...

Hagumi fell sick, and she is admitted to the hospital. During this times that many of her friends, mainly her admirers visits her, but as she doesn't have any more relatives in this world, she feels very lonely. Ayumi, being her best friend, is the only one who could really brings back joy to her, but Ayumi, feels that she is not needed to accompany her, as Hagumi has many admirers coming to visit her. A man, I can't remember whom, said that

"She need you the most right now, you might think that she is okay, depending on her face, but she is really lonely now. Go to her, and you will understand"

When she go to Hagumi's room bringing some fruits and smiles, both of them realize how important they both are to each other. I wonder if it is the same with me and my sister?

Kesian Asyraf. Dahla dia yang paling rapat ngan aku antara semua anak menakan aku after Umar. Doakan dia cepat sembuh, semua please

New Stuff, New Lane To Wander

Wowh, I never thought that the Great Britain land hides so many interesting story and things around. Lately, I've been expanding my horizon on my reading and my listening, just kinda want to refresh myself a bit. Well yeah, to kill this emo feels

Sophie Kinsella's Shopaholic series. At first glance, I thought that I must get away from this book, gotta go away. Like, that's so girlish or whatever. But since that I'm stuck in my sister's house and all of her other books I've read them all, I guess maybe I'll just take a sneak peek. Hell, she is hilarious! Becky, the main character, is so damn funny, the story revolves around her overwhelming shopping desire, and how she gets in and out of trouble. Hah. Now I understand better why girls are just so driven to shop, even though they are either out of strength or money

Kate Nash. Her songs are, like, wowh. Her song is very different from what we can normally hear in the Malaysian radios, which recently kept repeating the same music again and again, lame-o lah. "I usually create my music by looking through my diary, picking out creative words to express my life...and turn them into songs," is what she said. Haha, well maybe some of her lyrics are corny for some, examples Dickhead :P, but that's what made it all so intriguing

Oooh, how I regretted declining the IPG offer, then I can go to England :-(

Credits to that blog, for her words and choice of songs had helped me sort out my head a bit. "I'm currently sick with the mainstream movies," yeah, you rock girl :D, wish you luck in your SPM

Eh, nampak girlish kah aku ini? Aku kesah apa ngeh2 XD

The Number Obsession

Owh yuh, I guess the reason that I still keep updating my blog even as I am NOT supposed to is that Internet connection is real easy for me to find. Gahhh...

Tell me, when do you first created your blog, are you concerned about the statistics available in your blog, for examples the number of people who views your profile? Are you desperate each time to find an Internet connection so that you can review on who gives you comment so that you can quickly reply it? If so, please don't be embarrassed to admit it, because it is, as I think so, normal for people who just started blogging to feel that way

It should past soon, that number obsession. Especially when about 350 plus people had viewed your profile, especially when your post number had hit the bar of a hundred. After that, you will realize what your post had been all about, and you will rethink your method of writing and style

Especially, when certain special people starts viewing your blog, the number obsession will past soon

Makin pendek plak post aku lately neh. Agak laa, dulu depa rajin kata yg blog aku panjang2 sngt, depa malas nk baca

Miss Her...

I miss my mom. Before this I only called her only once in a while, heck, sometimes she called me first. So okay, from now on, I'm going to call her every night onwards, until the final days of me living. Call me whatever, tease me manja or whatever shit, but I love my mom, what do I care?

Really need my mom. Even as there's a thousand girls around here in Shah Alam, my mom still tops everyone else

Bila aku dkt ngan mak aku, aku jd gemuk coz masakan mak aku sedap2 gla. Org kata bla aku gemuk aku nmpk happy, tarak emo2 sngt, so now aku x kisah kalau aku nmpk gemuk ke apa, aku nk mak aku!!!

Pelangi Petang

This pic was taken during my journey back from Tesco Shah Alam

Have anyone here ever heard of Sudirman's Pelangi Petang? It is a damn good song to listen to, though before this it give little significant meaning to me as I didn't hear much of this song during my childhood. Still, its a nice song to listen to when you have some free time

It's been such a long time since I've seen a rainbow. I can still remember when I was little that I always get excited whenever I see a rainbow, plus the fact that my childhood is a rainy one and rainbow are often my company during lonely times. I guess rainbow is just too rare nowadays, you have to be real lucky to even find one...

Engkau tiba bagaikan pelangi
Tak bercahaya namun kau beseri
Tapi cukup menghiburkan
Hati ini...

Okay, Pelangi Petang dh officially masuk dalam list lagu Melayu terbaik sepanjang zaman aku, tp still Belaian Jiwa on top heh :P

Does Anyone Know

Autumn brought some kind of change
Sky's not as blue as it used to be
The moon won't come out and the sun stopped its shinin'
It feels like the entire world isn't turnin' no more

Lost for the sound of her voice
The smile and the touch and the tenderness
Every night I can feel her beside me
But then I awake to the pain that I'm dreamin' again

Does anyone know where my baby's gone?
I've just got to find her
I wanna right what I've done wrong
Does anyone know when she'll come back ‘round?
I've just got to tell her
That no one will love her
No one will hold her like me

Can somebody tell me?

Actually la kan, aku just cilok je lirik nih, dan wat dia jd cam pantun, tuka2 sket. Cuba teka dr lagu apa, I dare u. Copyrights? Eheheheh :P

Lonely, I Guess?


I've told myself that I shall not write anything new again until the end of my final exam and MUET. But I guess that's me all over again and again, I've done this before and I keep continuing it. I've even told here that this blog has no purpose left and was considered of being deleted, yet I've kept this blog alive still

Guess it shows you how important expressing my thought is to me

I miss them both. I know, I have no business of missing them at all, being now just Ariff to them, no significant meaning. But little they both know, that they are the ones that is important to me. Though one really hates me, I still find myself all over her still. The second one, she always gave me good advice even though she thought that I somehow despise her. Little that they know, they are the reasons now that I'm a better man, they are the reasons that I kept standing up again, even as I'm feeling like the world's a bad place to live

One hates me, and refuses to even communicate with me in every meaning whatsoever, while the other one had left already without I'm being able to say anything to her. Let's just say, that I miss them and is longing to see them again...

See, kan aku dh kata kalau aku wat post baru gak, it akan jd feelings-oriented

Full Bahasa Melayu

Hoho, bunyi tajuk post nih macam nak best ja pon, tapi actually aku bukan nak tulis best2 cam yang aku besa dok wat ngan full english, walaupun tak sehebat mana laa aku ni. Aku just nak try wat post yang memang tetulis sebijik cam apa yang akan keluaq dari mulut aku nih, yaitu Bahasa Melayu ber-slangkan Kedah. Bangga woo jadi orang Kedah, walau aku lahir kat Johor, tapi bangga gak lahir kat Johor pa

Aku dah takdak mood nak tulis on something, tambah pulak takdak idea. Kalau still tulis pon, ia akan jadi feelings-oriented, jadi cam mengarut ja lebih. So aku nak advice kepada sapa2 yang sudi datang blog aku nih, jangan duk expect apa2 post baru lah. Aku bukannya nak halau korang ke apa, just nak inform jela. So yeah, kalau nak, baca2 la post2 lama aku seblom nih, and komen2 le yang mana patut. Rajin2 aku balas

Final exam ngan MUET. Aku dah berjanji ngan diri aku sendiri dan ayah aku yang aku akan usaha betul2 dan capai aku punya true capabilities. Takdak lagi dah malas2 dan hanya accept kesederhanaan pencapaian aku nih tanpa berusaha untuk push limit diri aku

This is my 100th post. Assalamuaikum all, and have a good day for the non-muslim

What the Future Holds

Somebody told me, whom I can't remember, if you're feeling all down and depressed, look what the have in store for you. I don't know why he told me that, because the future always look grim to me

Let's see, oh final exam. I can't remember the exact date of the exam, but I know its just around the corner. And MUET, they are supposed to be done sometime around the final exam period. WHAT?! I mean, we have to concentrate on both the final exam and the MUET? Gosh, I think I'm gonna fall down soon, as I'm starting to visualize more and more sleepless nights soon...

Look further, further, FURTHER... (Whose line is it anyway, cause I think its from a movie I can't remember)

Ah yes, my trip to Indonesia with my mother. Now that's what I call a treat. NICE... Hahah, it seems that right after exam my mother and me will accompany my Paksu with his family to a holiday in Indonesia, which part still unknown. That will be both of his daughters, anak2 dara tuh, and his younger son and the baby, both are very cute little things, especially the baby. So yeah, I can imagine having some fun there. I just hope that my mother will be well enough to embark on such a journey, she haven't feeling so well lately...

Of course now, I do have some thing to do in the future, responsibilities and things to do. I can't be swayed by emotion so easily as I did, I can't be that weak for the sake of my family who has always believed in me. So yeah, happy happy XD

Aku dah lama x nangis. Baru2 nih aku baca blog neh dan tetiba ja aku rasa sedih sangat. Dia punya last ever post buatkan aku teringat kepada sepupu aku, Faidi. Entah apa yang dia rasa time aku melawat dia kat katil dia sejam seblom dia kembali ke Rahmatullah...

Al-Fatihah please, for Allahyarham Muzammil Faidi, and Allahyarhamah Asha Dina...

I Can't Afford This

Ya Allah, now I'm turning back into an emo person. I've started thinking real bad stuff again about people. Just when I thought I could control myself now, feelings are again the steer of my life's direction. Believe me, nothing good ever happen from that

I want to go home. I can't trust anybody else here

Girls, I Mean...

What's up with me and girls? It seems that I can never get along with them. Plus the fact I'm very shy with them, it looks like I can never be at peace at them, or even fathom their feelings. Yeah, why do I even bother with this? While all this time I had this problem, yet I'm not motivated enough to do anything about it

Yesterday, three girls hurt my feeling

I know, I should not make such an issue out of it. Bla bla bla, kecoh la lu dude, tu pun nk trasa ka? I mean, its normal aite that girls occasionally hurt the guys, because the guys had also hurt theirs, its like hair pulling, you do this to me, I do that to you. So why was I so moved to say something about it just now?

Rewind. A day before Raya, I met her. I met my first ever crush during my childhood. And God, she still is as beautiful as ever. But she's a changed person now, really a changed person. I don't know how to describe her exactly, but let just say that she doesn't look like a Malay anymore, plus the fact that she is as fair as pearl. Haha, I guess she's no longer the sweet demure girl hiding behind a veil that protects her aurat, no more. But I guess its better that way, I can start hating her using the reason of her not taking carrying herself well, for what she had said to me

But yeah, seeing that face again, no matter how changed she is now, it still painfully reminds me of my childhood. What she had said to me, that had completely changed the course of my life, are ringing inside my head like butterflies. Through the many years that had passed had somehow helped me forget about her and her words, the encounter with her the day before Raya had me reminiscing on the past, and now I can't get her out of my mind

I'm real sensitive right now, so if you're a girl, carefully pick your words when conversing with me, and this is pointed directly to them who can see me in Shah Alam, INTEC section 17 to be exact

Girls are so hard to understand. They had always seem like they would eat you any moment, but sometimes, they are like an angel to you, the way they treat you, the way the talk to you. Eventhough I have 3 sisters that I always talk to, I can never fathom their mind or predict what they are gonna do next

What My Dad Taught Me This Raya

I had always thought that I know him fully well, and that he could never understands me, especially during my teen years. I thought that whatever that he does for my family, it was just for the sake of it, because it was his responsibilities. How wrong I am, and now I despise myself for thinking that way, and acted the wrong attitudes towards my father

How complex this world really is. When you thought that things is in black and white, later you found out the truth is really stranger than fiction. We always hear people giving advice, remember those phrase, 'orang tua tua kata' stuff, we understand them literally, but we never really give a thought of just why our grand elders said that. For example, 'air yang tenang jangan disangka tiada buaya', come on now, whenever you're exploring new places and meeting new people, remember this saying every time. You'll find that your perspective will be different, and you'll understand

Life, as have been perfectly staged by God, is not just about you and yourself, you're living with a thousand others soul that is somehow got their fate entwined with yours. Basically, as nobody in this world can live without the company of other human being, you depend on others. But Allah Ar-Rahman gaves us the best gift after the chance to be able to live, which is our family, especially our mom and our dad

After Allah and Rasulullah pbuh, there's our mom. I love my mom, my mom, my mom, three times. After that, only come our father. And yet, we always put our father aside. Whenever life hits us with downfalls and sorrow, we always turn to our mom for support. Yet, we had never realized how much that our father had sacrified in order to give us a comfortable life. A research had been done to find out about the role of father of bringing up a successful child, and they found out that father is the one responsible to teach their children to survive in this world, while the mums are responsible for teaching them love and compassion. See, that's why we need both our mum and our dad

He beat me up when I skipped class, and I hold a grunge toward him. He refused to let me hang out with friends other than my cousins, and I secretly hates him. He forced me to go to MRSM which I refused to do so, and I started to avoid him. Lesson learnt after 10 years of hate? Now I'm not a loser who won't go to school just because I hate studying, and now I'm fortunate that I can still further my studies. Now I don't waste time to go lepak with my friends, and I never got involved in negative things such as smoking and stuff. Now that I've been to MRSM, I've learned to be more sociable and not to be as painfully shy as I am before

Here's some secret. I had always wanted to have some children. And I know how corny that may sound, but that is what I feel, and it's not that I wanted to get married soon, pfftt, gatal la tuh. But what I mean is, since I'm used to be surrounded by babies, somehow I get the urge to have children of my own. I feel like holding a baby of my own, feeding them, playing with them, and to have them crying for me whenever they find themselves in trouble, Abah, Abah. But eventually, I found out that it is real hard to have a children. Children is the gift Allah gives to a family, therefore, we have to care for them and nurture them so that they can fight for Islam and the country. Imagine, all their sins is a fathers, and that's how big a father's responsibilities is

I can't pretend that I'm one happy guy that is never worried by his troubles anymore. This Raya had taught me a lot, more than I could ever learn before. Remember how all of us, particularly during this age, said that Raya is never the same as the one during our childhood? Get used to it, because when you are starting to feel that way, it is the sign that we are preparing to be the one that's gonna prepare that atmosphere for our childrens. We are going to tell them how we celebrate Raya back then, and finally having them to have Raya of their own, a better one at that

This time around, it will be my dad's 63rd Raya. After so long, he is finally ready to give some of his responsiblities to me after all this while passing his knowledge to me. I don't know, this burden somehow felt too heavy for me to carry. I was told of some dark secret of this family that I've never known before, yet I understand why it was hidden from me all this while. But I know, bit by bit, I have to take my father's responsibilities and carry on his legacy. It's the only thing I could do to repay all the knowledge that he had given me, and the place now that I'm standing here, all because of him

I know, people will probably never read until this line, but that is what it was meant to be anyway. I just wrote this for my own satisfaction, it just came out of nowhere. But who cares anyway aite? I'm just happy that I could write this down somewhere...

Raya's Aftermath

Takziah buat Azri bin Adnan dan sekeluarga, yang telah kehilangan orang yang tersayang ketika Hari Raya Kedua...

October, and I'm back in Shah Alam now. With some unfinished assignments, wait, I haven't started on that yet, things are so gonna get busy again. Malaysian Studies' test? Yuh, I heard you right, whatever jelaa...

A lot has happened during this Raya, compared to the last ones that I had before. Things were changing for the worst or better last two years, but this time around the Raya is, quite special, to put it with word. I've met someone that is somehow connected to my past from my childhood, I've been to some place that I never thought that I'd go there, and I was told of some ugly truth that was brooding inside my family for so long, and only now that I know of it. Imagine how much drama can be provided in just a one week holiday, while all semester in Shah Alam nothing has ever happened that could ever trouble me as much as now

That's it, writing here and now feels like a burden. Maybe its because of the travelling the night before from Kedah to Shah Alam, and I'm dog tired. So now, I'd better get lost and get some rest

Oooohhh, aku nampak katil dah, assignment? Nanti2 laa...