I'm really sorry for what I've said earlier. I should've just keep it all inside and not to breathe a word about it, much less blog about it. I'm just confused, yes such a cliche reason, but that's it, I'm really confused with how people think, why people react the certain way they do. I don't know if you're really okay about it, but please forgive me?

Now you know why I always call myself a jerk back then

Running and Chasing

I'm trying to write again, but somehow I just can't do it. I no longer feel inspired by my own writing, pretty much to even like it. My writing back then was filled with grammatical errors, mind you, not that I'm proficient enough now, but the way I write was, better I think. I don't know why, I really don't

Maybe it's because how I perceive the world today is different from back then? How what I feel today is different from back then? I've changed a lot, it's been such a revolution, and somehow it has also changed the way I write things. I hate it, I no longer find my writing is of any pleasure to even myself

We keep running, and we keep chasing
There's a big gap, a big hole inside of us
We desperately try to fill it
With everything we see worthy
With everything we just take by chance
And still, nothing seems to be good enough

We search, and we search
We glance towards the sky
We bow down to the earth
We see and we wonder
We realize

We keep running, and we keep chasing
There's a big gap, a big hole inside of us
And we realize, who made the big hole inside of us
As wide as the ocean at the beach
As large as the sky up there
As gigantic as the sun and the moon
As enormous as the universe itself
Our eyes can fathom such greatness
Why can't our heart bear similar magnitude?

Maybe we are not looking up there high enough
Maybe we are not looking down there humble enough
Maybe we are too concerned with people beside us and not beyond
Remember, what is our true purpose here in this world
The One we need the most close to our hearts
The things that we keep on forgetting

To a Swell Friend

I trust people too much. Not people in general, but to a few that I let my guard down and poured everything to them, even the unnecessary things. With this, I can see a pattern. All of those that I decided to give away my secrets, my feelings to them, all ended up "having enough of me". Tired, gave up, had enough of me and all

And the conclusion is? I'm a freak, a jerk that you will really hate once you get to know me. I don't really show my emotions and all at times, but with people that I trust, I tend to just let it go, spill everything out. And get too attached to them

No, I'm not gonna be all negative about this. Yes, I'm freaking sad that people that I thought I can really believe in and really cares was just curious about my problems and once they got to know the real me, decided to have enough. But then again it is my problem, my own fault. My own personality that needed readjusting

Dear swell friend, you are a swell friend and will always be. Thanks for putting up with the nonsense that I put you through haha. Hope you are happy, I needlessly made you unhappy in this senseless episode of my life didn't I?

PS: Bubble tea still on. Just say the word~

Here We Go Again

She used to be so vibrant, so cheerful, so beautiful. She has this really enchanting smile, the lips curved just enough to draw anyone in to her. The way she spoke with such confidence that you feel so alive just by having a simple chat with her. And she didn't lack heart either, always generous with greetings and smiles and poking other people urging them to smile with her and share the happiness

She made me happier. She made me smile more. She made me use the word "love" more often. She taught me that you're not alone in this world, and there really are someone who really cares about you

Yet, everything changes. Somehow I feel like she's no longer the happy person that she used to be. Everytime I look through her eyes, I can feel sadness lingering there. Even when she's laughing with her friends, there'll always be a short moment of deep silence filling in between her laughs. The saddest of all, those vibrant smiles seems to be lost, only to be replaced with the sad sad ones

I know that part of the blame is on me. I was the one who had hurt her terribly, I was the one who negated all her possibilities. Foolishness and anger took control over me, and time and again we ended up in a spiral of hurt and regret. Until everything falls apart, and somehow the gap created between us has been too big to cover up already

If I could give away anything just to have everything to be back the way they used to be, then I would. If all it takes for her to be happy again is for me to just fade away, then I would readily oblige