Mad Hatter

Salam. Here's an advice for all the readers out there somewhere. Sometimes, it's okay not to listen to your heart after all, and to heed your parents' advice instead. Yeah, mom do know best

Back then, I hurt my dad's feeling. Truly. And that is by rejecting the perfect scholarship a future teacher could ever have. And he, the one who nurtured me to be this teacher that I now longs to be, can't fathom the reason of me doing such a thing. Because after all, hey, with that scholarship, I don't have to worry anything more of the money, transportation, commodity and heck, I would be doing my degree overseas, in Australia

Yet I turned it all down, and broke his heart at the same time

Now, it is all getting back to me. All the hardship that I will endure this next sem here, shits here and there on whether I apply for PTPTN or not. Yeah, like my sister said, its my decision, I have to be responsible for everything myself. No more excuse, no more regret
Help me, I'm addicted to self-mutilation...
But yeah, the reason why I did that, is still a secret that I will take to the graves with me. Dear sisters, stop thinking about it already

Cis, terlepas tengok Transformers arituh haha. Tak sabar nak tengok Johnny Depp berlakon jadi Mad Hatter dalam Tim Burton's Alice in Wonderland~

You Hate Me?

Salam. Yeah, she hates me now. I'm glad, really, no matter how much it hurt inside. Because I really can't stand the ignorance, so I decided to brew a storm, make her angry, just to see some reaction, to see some feelings from her. May it be hate, may it comes to that she will no longer talks to me now. I just need to know something, anything at all, and it seems that... Hate is the only thing that I can think of

They say love is blind, it makes the most intelligent man in the world even to regress to being just a child. It makes a fool out of you, and destroys you the next moment. Heck, one of the main factors of suicide is because of the word love. Well, to me, I don't bother of such consequences at all

It seems like I'm a fool already. Love, and me, we just don't do well together. Yaay~ congrats Ariff, the only two girl that you had ever feel like saying I love you now both hates you completely now...

Sheesh, Shah Alam's gonna be messy. I don't know how I will react in front of her...

27 haribulan, yeay hahaha...

Will Hate Save Me?

Salam. I can't remember much what people said about forgetting someone, I just know that it is not something easy that you can just easily decide to do so just whenever you feel like it. Quoting from some resources unknown because I can't remember it, when you happen to love someone, a part of you will always love that someone even if you come to hate them somehow

This is where I put my bleak hope here to beg to differ with this quote. Now, can it be just nice that we will be able to forget someone by hating them with all your heart? No matter how much important they are to you and how much you care for them? And forever will?

I'm just playing around with these feeling, reeling here and there mulling over the same question over and over again. And I don't care how it will affect me personally. I don't care anymore, and that phrase I don't care somehow had become my motto, something to remember when life is passing me by. But no matter how many times I would say it or refusing to drown in to the truth, life will always has a way of turning me back to the place that will get me thinking about it all over again. After all, I'm just another human being with feelings

Here I go again, crapping about insignificant things in life. But heck I don't mind at all. I don't care at all if nobody would ever pay any attention to this blog that has lost its worth to me. I've changed so much, some that would in turn changed the way my blog used to be. It has become personal, so much personal that it no longer serves the original purposes that I had laid down for it. No more materials on the music that I love, sports that I had passion for, the need to urge others to love cats more, to ponder on life, and to try to fulfill my duty as a Khalifah in this world

Now, its just grunge talk and trying to garner sympathy from all people. Its just pointless to do this anymore

Heh, today, 19th of June, when the clock will strike 11 sharp, I think, all of us who are pursuing our degrees will know of their future soon. Whether they are accepted, or not. Whatever happens...

Barakallah to us all, to our future...

Assalamualaikum, selamat tinggal...

Sleep Tight

Salam. A little bit of peace, wont hurt... right?

So if you guys have a quite good connection, then probably you can listen well to the tunes that is playing in my blog and just have it that way... That, if you wanted to anyway

I'm just longing for a peace here... Hope nobody will mind

Lately neh, semua komen aku kebetulan semua 3 saja haha

Under The Bridge

Salam. Okeyh people, talking to cats and their kittens in vain hope that they will reply me back will not help me kill this loneliness ahaha. So, good old tunes to the rescue~

Sometimes I feel
Like I don't have a partner
Sometimes I feel
Like my only friend
Is the city I live in
The city of angel
Lonely as I am
Together we cry

I drive on her streets
cause she's my companion
I walk through her hills
cause she knows who I am
She sees my good deeds
And she kisses me windy
I never worry
Now that is a lie

I don't ever want to feel
Like I did that day
Take me to the place I love
Take me all the way

Its hard to believe
That there's nobody out there
Its hard to believe
That I'm all alone
At least I have her love
The city she loves me
Lonely as I am
Together we cry

I don't ever want to feel
Like I did that day
Take me to the place I love
Take me all the way

Under the bridge downtown
Is where I drew some blood
Under the bridge downtown
I could not get enough
Under the bridge downtown
Forgot about my love
Under the bridge downtown
I gave my life away

Such a lovely tunes for such a sorrowful song ehh? Try listening to it, albeit try to ignore the lyrics. RHCP rocks, forget all the pop-punks that is circling the radiowave nowadays

Jaga diri elok2, jangan bimbang banyak sangat okeh semua

Random Glass

Salam. Let's get random, shall we?

Meet the Death Note's cast, Hollywood version :P

I don't care if they all want to get married, for all that I care. I'm not even moved to be jealous by those couples roaming the mall spreading love explosion everywhere. I've been single the last 19 years of my life, minus some 3 months, and I'm not bothered at all to be desperate for a significant other to flaunt whenever we guys will be hanging together again

More like spreading indignity around, if it's not done properly, if you know what I'm saying

On less important matter in the world today, certainly less than the news that the H1N1 flu did rose to a pandemic level, let's talk about, football. It's been quite a buzz that Real Madrid is spending heavily on world-class players all around the world in hope of reigning supreme again in the Liga. Names like Christiano Ronaldo... Arghh, who cares about that punk anyway, who got his butt kicked by Lionel Messi? I'm just pretty darned pissed off at the fact that Kaka got sold by AC Milan to Real Madrid despite his intention to stay there

I've got a good vibe. I'm seeing MU getting their butt kicked by Liverpool. For them, the numbers of MU fans that is ridiculously too much, there's so many of them, its absurd

Wait, why do I even care about this all? Since when? Since I joined Boy Kuching, Faris, Atiff, Nazriq, Syah, Ariff, them all, nights of watching matches at some Nasi Kandar's and though all of them annoyingly supports MU, yeah that's it. They rekindled the so-called football flame in me, and got me rooting for the Rossoneri and the Reds again after all this years hoho

And now I miss those moments with them. Badly missing them all...

Farhan sepupu aku dengan isteri baru dia datang dan aku bawak diorang jalan2 dekat Jitra. Owhh~ Kemesraannya, jeles jeles

Warm and Bitter Clouds

Salam. It is so warm and bitter lately, one can barely stand in the heat under the sun for even a minute. Guess its partly the global warming to the blame, or perhaps the El Nino that will be coming soon? Its bad enough that the epidemic H1N1 flu is spreading havoc all over the world and is reaching pandemic level

Yeah, like, whatever jelaa

I had just finished The Kite Runner. It's a really, really nice read, no wonder it is one of the most acclaimed book, really, like, the hype is overwhelming. It is a story about one boy named Amir... Oh forget it. Go read it for your own reading satisfaction, you won't regret it even if you're not an avid reader. One thing that I can say is, the story is very enlightening. And there's something that I can relate myself to the story. Regret, fatherhood, that cheeky little stuff called love, whatever more... Okay, I'll stop babbling

Oh yeah, have I wrote somewhere in the previous post in my blog that I love my sisters, every three of them so much? Of how I appreciate their care for me despite having to take care of their own children? The time that they take some time off their precious family time to occasionally to help me whenever I needed it, whether I truly need it or not, or even asked for it? Of how my pathetic existence of causing trouble in their life as the last child in the family that came out way late, yet they accepted me just the way that I am, a jerk at that?

Oh yeah, I love my sisters, every three of them so much

Aku orang Jitra, dan aku bangga dan bersyukur pasal itu. Tak sangka 3 tahun yang sunyi di SMJ rupa-rupanya membawa maksud yang mendalam dalam hidup aku, lebih2 lagi sekarang bila aku perlukan kawan2 yang membantu...

It's a Lithium Flower, Baba jan

Salam. I don't care what people might think, heck I don't care what I might think of myself. I don't care if I sounds bias or whatsoever, whether my opinion will be well received or rejected to the core, people will love me or hate me. It won't matter if in the future I will find myself mistaken and regretting things over, whether I will indeed go to hell for one inexplicable reason despite being raised all my life against it. And yeah, perhaps it sounds like I'm exaggerating over the last sentence, but I don't care, I just don't freaking care

I hate, I abhor, I despise man that practices polygamy, they who think that they can be fair without hurting the feeling of the first wife, OR rather hurting the feeling of the first wife thinking they got it better and it is okay to hurt their feeling. Hey, once a person is born under one mother, that right of the mother will never change, no other friggin' woman can replace that mother's place. So don't try, ever, to replace one's motherhood, one's mother will always forever be that person's mother

That's all. Happy Father's Day, and for those that are still blessed with a father to take care of them and to love them genuinely, be grateful


I got sick of trying to say sorry to her, and I just realised that I've become weak. I've become depended on others that aren't even my family, and I opened up too easily to them. I've opened myself up, just like I dreamed that I would way back then when I was alone. But now, I'm paying the price, I'm feeling the hurt that is by far 13-fold greater than what I'm used to feel back then. It is worse, because now others get hurt too, instead of just me. And plus, people who don't have any connection with it at all know too, bitchy, judgmental people that they are, with that big mouth of theirs

I missed the old me. I might be a stuck up dude, always mistaken to be unfriendly, silent and mysterious, and lonely. But at least, oh at least I won't be writing this down here in this blog telling the world wide world that how I'm such a pathetic human being and a jerk at that that can't solve his own problems and only know how to whine and whine and whine while expecting people's sympathy

I'm off, truly. I don't know if anyone will miss me, which I rather doubt, but should fate put me back in the straight road in my life, back in Shah Alam doing something good for myself and for my mother that had sacrificed so much for me... I will be back again, facing the world, cruel jesting world

Kembali kepada hobi lama, iaitu membaca...

I Wish You Were Here

Salammm~ Holding up my sleep during the a.m. hours of these few days trying to say sorry to someone who wouldn't listen had finally taken its toll on me. The previous night, where I stopped going to MRSM Kubang Pasu just to get a decent internet connection at night, I just slept all the way through, from 11 o'clock the night before, right until 12 o'clock the next day, just in time to get my bath and go to sembahyang Jumaat

But one thing is, it got me reminiscing my past. I start to read my old books, the old songs rewind, old broken up pictures in albums I forgot even existed. Perhaps I'll start writing again, like I'm used to. Perhaps, some poetry that I'm used to compose back then when I'm alone. Haha, I'll be treating the nice people that still read my blog (thank you2) a story for the next post

But before that, let's listen to one of my childhood songs haha

I dig my toes into the sand
The ocean looks like a thousand diamonds strewn
across a blue blanket
I lean against the wind, pretend that I am weightless
And in this moment I am happy

I wish you were here
I wish you were here
I wish you were here
I wish you were... here

I lay my head onto the sand
The sky resembles a back-lit canopy with holes punched in it
I'm counting UFO's, I signal them with my lighter
And in this moment I am happy

I wish you were here
I wish you were here
I wish you were... here
Wish you were here

The world's a rollercoaster
And I am not strapped in
Maybe I should hold with care
But my hands are busy in the air

I wish you were here
I wish you were...
I wish you were here
I wish you were here
I wish you were... here
Wish you were here

I Wish You Were Here, by Incubus. Really, really nice lyrics I must say haha. Oh yeah, I'll be travelling to somewhere far away to see to my cousin's wedding haha. Hope I won't be the best man again, can't really handle all the attention :P

Kucing hitam tu beranak kat bawah katil mak aku. Kenapa lah dia tak beranak bawah katil aku, kan senang nak jaga. Hoho lama dah x bau darah kucing, tetiba je nostalgik dan teringat kucing2 lama aku...


Salam. Never before that I had posted something so useless, its no point at all to even give it a thought



Dead Cats

Best wishes,
Ariff who lost so many cats in his life, way too many

Salam. Don't mind the dogs, or even SPCA, just cats on my mind

Ming went missing quite some time ago. I truly believe that the renovation of the house's backyard has something to do with it. She liked to play at the parit there, and now that there's no more space between the house and the parit... Take a guess

Now hordes of other cats are roaming the house now. Judging by their fur type and length, I can't shake off their resemblances to Ming, and its quite disturbing to see. How many secret kittens has Ming sired all the time I was in Shah Alam, I wonder

Oh well. I like them cats nevertheless. To kill the loneliness. Of friends ignoring you despite what they said before

"Kita kawan, sampai mati kan?" ~ "Ya" ~ Yo' ass...

Tidurlah Ariff, jangan paksa diri lagi dah menunggu sesuatu yang takkan datang punya...


Salam. First of all, I want to say thanks to AJ that through his blog that I came to know of the song Gravity by Sara Bareilles, too bad that I didn't get to hear it earlier. The tunes made me fell in love with it instantly, and the lyrics struck me straight at the heart

Something always brings me back to you
It never takes too long
No matter what I say or do
I still feel you're here 'til the moment I'm gone
You hold me without touch
You keep me without chains
I never wanted anything so much
Than to drown in your love and not feel your rain
Set me free, let me be
I don't wanna fall another moment into your gravity
Here I am and I stand so tall
I'm just the way I'm supposed to be
But you're on to me, and all over me
I live here on my knees
As I try to make you see
That you're everything I think I need
Here on the ground
But you're neither friend nor foe
Though I can't seem to let you go
The one thing that I still know
Is that you're keeping me down
You're keeping me down
You're on to me, on to me and all over
Something always brings me back to you
It never takes too long

If you are still reading my blog, which I doubt now, know that I dedicates this song to you. If you are to wish to continue ignoring me, I understand then. After all, I just can't help but being a jerk with you that night, and I deserve all this pain of being without your presence. Guess I should do the same, stop being this jerk that I am by pestering you on Facebook or Myspace or even YM anymore...

I really need to sort myself out. Because of this, I've become real easy to be pissed off and rile. My nephew Umar, came to my house earlier, and since he was sick that day, he was not in the mood much to be much fun, throwing tantrum and screaming a lot. Then, at point he crossed the line where he hit me on my head for ignoring him and I suddenly, deep in thought of her, screamed my head off at him, and told him to go away from me

To my shock, he just stood there, his body turned rigid. But he was covering his head, not looking at me, which is obviously because he is scared. And then he ran crying for my mum, and only then that I realized, that I'm not just a jerk, but something else worse. Being just 3 years old, he forgot what happened then, and thing went on normally. But I won't ever forget that scared expression on his face, and I won't forgive myself for doing such horrible a thing to him

I really need to sort myself up, before I ended up hurting myself again, or worse, hurt others that I care for... It is enough pain that she's no longer there at the end heeding my call...

Aku kisah pasal ko, kisah sangat2 pasal ko...