Not As We - Alanis Morissette

Reborn and shivering
Spat out on new terrain

Unsure unconvincing
This faint and shaky hour

Day one day one start over again
Step one step one
I'm barely making sense for now
I'm faking it I'm pseudo making it
From scratch begin again but this time I as i
And not as we

Gun shy and quivering
Timid without a hand

Feign brave with steel intent
little and hardly here

Day one day one start over again
Step one step one
with not much making sense just yet
I'm faking it til I'm pseudo making it
From scratch begin again but this time I as i
And not as we

Eyes wet toward
Wide open frayed
If God's taking bets
I pray He wants to lose

Day one day one start over again
Step one step one
I'm barely making sense just yet
I'm faking it til I'm pseudo making it
From scratch begin again but this time I as I
And not as we

Not necessarily meant for me. But I dedicate this for you, yes, definitely


It's been such a long time since I played along with this tag thingy. And I never thought that I will ever do it again

Oh well

1- Apa yang bermain di fikiran anda sekarang??
A lot of things. That and that and that, craps and bullshits

2- Apakah nama samaran u'all?? ( =.=" )
Banyak~ Especially during sekolah menengah, but now I'd stick with just ariff

3- Berikan 3 orang yg u'all sayang...

4- Panggilan utk si DIA

5- Hadiah yg korang impikan dari seseorang istimewa..
Let's just leave it to that special someone to know ehh

6- Blog mane korang suke visit??
A lot. Especially those with really crafty penmanship

7- Tag kan kepada 15 org rakan blogger korang..
Sesiapa yg baca ni lah. I think since I last changed my url, nobody else had come here anymore except for a little few...

Happiness - The Fray

Happiness is just outside my window
Would it crash blowing 80-miles an hour?
Or is happiness a little more like knocking
On your door, and you just let it in?

Happiness feels a lot like sorrow
Let it be, you can't make it come or go
But you are gone- not for good but for now
Gone for now feels a lot like gone for good

Happiness is a firecracker sitting on my headboard
Happiness was never mine to hold
Careful child, light the fuse and get away
‘Cause happiness throws a shower of sparks

Happiness damn near destroys you
Breaks your faith to pieces on the floor
So you tell yourself, that's enough for now
Happiness has a violent roar

Happiness is like the old man told me
Look for it, but you'll never find it all
Let it go, live your life and leave it
Then one day, wake up and she'll be home
Home, home, home


Cool Normal

And oh yeah I have inner monologue voice like some characters in Stephen King's books and JD from the series Scrubs, does that count too?. Wait, I too play out freaky imaginations in my head like JD always do


Stars Above

Du grosses Gestirn! Was wäre dein Glück, wenn du nicht Die hättest, welchen du leuchtest!

You great star, what would your happiness be had you not those for whom you shine?
~Friedrich Nietzsche~

Have you ever once in your life, lie on a field somewhere during the night and just gaze into the star-filled sky, counting the bits and making out all the constellations? I don't know about other people, but when I was a kid back then, it's kind of my hobby, other than playing games. Which contributed to my early childhood insomnia back then

I would just gaze, and gaze and gaze, without putting much thought on why I would waste so much time of sleep hours just for the hours, mind you when I was a child like any other child I don't pretty much have any other worries in life. I would just continue gazing into the stars, with the time passing by and my body getting used to the cold breeze of the night...

All just because the stars were so mesmerizing, and they still are, and if not for the demanding needs and pressure of my life I would have surely had been wasting half of my life by now gazing at the stars

I guess it's a well known fact that their lights are originated from somewhere a heck lots of million light years away that the source of the light, which is the stars, might actually have died out, leaving only the starlight on our night sky. Isn't that just amazing, the way that something so magnificent could originate from a notion so hopeless it's downright depressing?

But then again, it's not so uncommon here in this world itself. If we just open our eyes and look at our surroundings, we can see a lots of things just happen that way. For example, a true mother will always love their children, no matter what their children do it will not dampen their love, even if their children are murderers or rapist or like. And that's just one example

Perhaps I can say that the starlight above us represents love in a way? The stars up in the sky might not even be there now, yet their light still reaches us, guiding us in our lives and inspiring hope and instilling happiness, even for just a bit and for a short while. Sometimes, when we are sad or depressed, we can just talk a walk outside, and when we watched the sky, we can smile for the sight of the stars above, and say Alhamdulillah for such a beautiful creation

All while the stars fade out, somewhere in the corner of the space far away. Unknown, and alone in infinite darkness. One hell of a sacrifice when we think about it ehh, should the stars be personified to have thoughts and feelings just like us humans

As for me, I really wish that I can be like the stars. To give something for the people that I really care about and love, even if it meant for me to lose every part of me. What would my happiness be had me not for those that I love?

The Lone Black Cat

Talk about good luck and bad luck in this world. I'm still pretty pissed off with the notion that black cat brings bad luck, they are witches in hiding, bring the dead back and stuff. Not only they are a bunch of crap made up by the society, imagine all the treatment that all the black cats have to endure

Though I'm not really here to write about such, I've vent it all here all too much already. It's not like the world will change and treat the animals better anyway, but I can surely take pride by knowing that I've tried. Again and again

Surely I'm darn sure that I have no longer interest in writing in long length, extremely long at that sometimes. Pouring out just whatever happened to cross my mind at that time, never minding when to stop, nicely placing the paragraph, checking for grammatical errors and stuff. And I'm pretty darn sure that somewhere along the way, I gave up because I know that, it just doesn't matter. Surely when I read back whatever I've wrote, unless I'm aggravated by my past self naivety or grammar mistakes, I'm moved by it, I feel something for it

But nothing more than just a mere feeling. Simply a poetry of the heart yearning for something impossible. A sigh of my own misfortunes through my set of deceiving eyes even when I realized that there others who have it worse. A desire to do something that my heart feels like it, the despair of not having able to do it, for example playing the piano and the guitar, and drawing. Complaints of idle life, when I know myself that I can do something to fill the gap somehow, held back only by sloth, leaving behind nothing but just regrets

And senseless talk about love, where I don't even know what love is in the first place. I'm such a fool, I'm such a fool, and every time I repeat that phrase I still don't understand what went wrong, what did I do to lose such a place in her heart...

Oh yes, all of the stuff that I had written above is the reason why I had stopped writing much recently. Yet here I am, writing like how I'm used to, contradicting my own self-made motivation. I think I know why I'm writing again. It's the exact same feeling that I've felt back then

The same feeling that I know everyone else in the world is feeling partly in their life. Yet we all can't embrace each other to make that feeling go away, unless we know that the opposite side is someone that you truly trust and care about. Perhaps that's what 'love' is all about?

...And I shall stop here before I write anything else nonsensical and embarrassing to me. I can crap all I want here, but yeah, life goes on out there. The me that everyone else sees everyday and interact with will always stay the same, regardless of whatever I'm really trying to say to the world inside my heart. The shell that I put around me, the wall hiding behind the truth, it will always stay there

Only these words may sometime reveals a part of me. But only words, nothing else for me. As I watched all the cats that get shunned by certain people, roaming the streets alone, a bit of admiration rose inside of me. How they can be independent, without relying on others

I wonder, how can they stay strong in being alone in the dark, while my heart is such a fragile one...

The Second Chapter. Epilogue

It's over man. Like, I've experienced the very best of modernism and now I'm on the track of experiencing nihilism. Woo-hoo, nothing's meaningful anymore, I can just be free of everything, no more crisis, no more financial burden, no more longing for something impossible. Perfect nothingness

This semester is over. Finally~