The Lone Black Cat
Talk about good luck and bad luck in this world. I'm still pretty pissed off with the notion that black cat brings bad luck, they are witches in hiding, bring the dead back and stuff. Not only they are a bunch of crap made up by the society, imagine all the treatment that all the black cats have to endure
Though I'm not really here to write about such, I've vent it all here all too much already. It's not like the world will change and treat the animals better anyway, but I can surely take pride by knowing that I've tried. Again and again
Surely I'm darn sure that I have no longer interest in writing in long length, extremely long at that sometimes. Pouring out just whatever happened to cross my mind at that time, never minding when to stop, nicely placing the paragraph, checking for grammatical errors and stuff. And I'm pretty darn sure that somewhere along the way, I gave up because I know that, it just doesn't matter. Surely when I read back whatever I've wrote, unless I'm aggravated by my past self naivety or grammar mistakes, I'm moved by it, I feel something for it
But nothing more than just a mere feeling. Simply a poetry of the heart yearning for something impossible. A sigh of my own misfortunes through my set of deceiving eyes even when I realized that there others who have it worse. A desire to do something that my heart feels like it, the despair of not having able to do it, for example playing the piano and the guitar, and drawing. Complaints of idle life, when I know myself that I can do something to fill the gap somehow, held back only by sloth, leaving behind nothing but just regrets
And senseless talk about love, where I don't even know what love is in the first place. I'm such a fool, I'm such a fool, and every time I repeat that phrase I still don't understand what went wrong, what did I do to lose such a place in her heart...
Oh yes, all of the stuff that I had written above is the reason why I had stopped writing much recently. Yet here I am, writing like how I'm used to, contradicting my own self-made motivation. I think I know why I'm writing again. It's the exact same feeling that I've felt back then
The same feeling that I know everyone else in the world is feeling partly in their life. Yet we all can't embrace each other to make that feeling go away, unless we know that the opposite side is someone that you truly trust and care about. Perhaps that's what 'love' is all about?
...And I shall stop here before I write anything else nonsensical and embarrassing to me. I can crap all I want here, but yeah, life goes on out there. The me that everyone else sees everyday and interact with will always stay the same, regardless of whatever I'm really trying to say to the world inside my heart. The shell that I put around me, the wall hiding behind the truth, it will always stay there
Only these words may sometime reveals a part of me. But only words, nothing else for me. As I watched all the cats that get shunned by certain people, roaming the streets alone, a bit of admiration rose inside of me. How they can be independent, without relying on others
I wonder, how can they stay strong in being alone in the dark, while my heart is such a fragile one...
writ by ariff dean