Crush

Last Friday, I met her out of the blue. It was nearly 6.30 pm or something, and at that time, I can still have some conversation with her, though then I'm already starting to feel it. The next day, I've volunteered myself into the EIF activity, which she's also in too. The morning was filled with her presence, yet that time the feeling has already overtaken me, and I kept away from her. Later that evening, when I went to Hijazi alone for my dinner, there she was again. Sunday the next day, it so happen that I met her coincidentally, thrice. And all event I kept away of her, because of one reason...

Yes people, I'm admitting it. I'M IN LOVE

People says love are blind. Some say when you're in love words will escape you, leaving you nothing in this world except for you and her in each other's presence. I think I'm getting a grasp of it, well only me in my case here. Each time that she's around, I always feel that I'm stuttering, trying to find the correct words yet unable to say it out loud, and doing stupid things to impress her. Really, the power of love is not of something that you handles everyday

I'm such a pessimist when it comes to love, for the very same reason that I became painfully shy in public. I don't really trust in it, can't really tell whether it is just lust or something else deeper. When I look at other girls that is so beautiful, perhaps I will only admire them for such a short while and then forget about it. But she is different from the others. When I first glanced upon her, I thought that she is just another ordinary girl, and the very reason that I even get to know her was because she's in my group during BTN and that a fellow friend of mine has a liking towards her

How wrong was I now, that I've got to know her better

Each time when I wake up in the morning, I kept thinking about her smile. Whenever I feels lonely, I remembered the late night chatting I had with her. The moment that I feel troubled by assignments or family problems, I remembered about her and how strong she is and how I admired her for that. I can't sleep without thinking about her, I can't walk around without thinking of whether she will be around or not. And each time that I hear somebody talking about her beside me, I kept on fighting the urge of screaming her name out loud

Never before in my life that a girl has completely taken me by heart. Growing up with only my family by my side, I've never being able to get close much with others. That's why it is so hard for me whenever I'm around her. I want to say I like you to her, but it is so hard. I want to get to know her, to have a deeper conversation, I want to her to smile to me everyday. But that's just it, I'm just too shy and just to bitter to let her know...

Now, I'm avoiding her. Since I can never talk to her again, I've decided to stay away from her, to not even glance at her dazzling beautiful eyes. Plus I think she already hated me for my silence and that my friend have a crush on her already before I did. But then again, I am always thinking about her smile, I'm always itching to call out her name out of the sudden. And all the unexpected encounter didn't help at all, I'm just missing her more and more

Ya Rabbi, how I've wrote so much here, and its all about my feeling towards her. That just shows how weak a person can be, not being able to show his feeling in reality. But what a person in love like me can really do?

Hmmph, lepas nih ramai plak yg kacau2 aku. Tapi aku x kesah dah...