Haiku-Kucing

Salam. Presentation on TITAS is done, no more sleepless night banging my head for the sake of something worthless, well for me that is. Whatever happen in my group, stays in my group. I don't mind them hating me for all the troubles, but I truly hate other people being judgmental on me. Back off, freaks

The lukewarm raindrops cause a deep wound,

Even to the innocent

The reason for my lost heart,

Must be my own weakness .

I'm learning Haiku right now. Probably won't do much for me currently, but it will do. Plus, I'm reading up on dictionaries, so I can improve my English. And make better poems. I like poems, yeah

Just now, I sat beside her at TESL Square. I really don't know why I did that, after all these times I had been avoiding her and watched her from afar. Whenever she's close, I feel giddy, my heartbeat rose like adrenaline suddenly swept my body away. I still feel for her like how I feel for her back then, it never changes all these time...

But it really hurt, despite all that. It hurts like hell

Balik rumah, Jitra hari Jumaat ni! Woo-hoo~!

I'm Gay, as in Happy Gay

Salam. Have I told you before somewhere in my previous post that being a teen really sucks?

I don't know why I'm really happy these past two days. And I don't know why how easily I can go back down rock-bottom in just one night. As fickle as the weather, as bitchy as having a headache huh~

She seems to be hurt, and aloof lately. Walking alone, staying in library alone. She kind of bickered at me when I talked to her earlier. Well, either it is because I'm Mickey Mouse-annoyingly-happy today or I care so much for her, perhaps both, yeah, that I just hold my tongue, let the bitter silence fills the air, sucking in oh crap!

She's a friend, a special one at that too. I just really wish that she would just open up to me, and goddamn tell me what's wrong. I get hurt easily, she get hurt easily, of course I care for her, she used to do the same to me, and I'm restless now that I can't do the same, to return the favour

And the others, I can't understand it, why you guys just won't hate me for what I did? Easy right, I don't do my work, abhor me. Criticize my lame work that I somehow finished. Damn virus, damn laptop, damn PRESENTATION! Now I'm having glances of thought of my UNGA experiences, where I was shamed in front of about a hundred people, my seniors at that. I wonder how come I still had the courage to speak in front of others anymore ehh?

Giddy, the headache's gone, but then why? I saw her just now, and she wore black too, full attire. She seems to be happy, so I'll just leave it at that, denying the bloody urge to just go to her and say hi. Hell yeah I still miss her, and she is still ignoring me like hell, like her usual self. Oh yeah, I've heard that she hates it when I write about her here. Haha, sucker~ I love you, why would in the freaking cold INTEC library would I care ehh?

Oh shit. Now I'm seeing Mickey Mouse and the lot in his show doing their silly dance right now. I blame Umar for this because he always insist on watching that lalala~ kids' show channel, and whenever I changed it to Animax, he would be screaming and throwing tantrum and my mom would usher me to just change back the channel. Ala ehh, the luxury of being the baby of the house

Wait, now why am I writing about that one? I think I'm high right now...

HIGH ON A SENSELESS HAPPYNESS THAT CAME FROM NOWHERE

Weird. I'm missing the depressed and suicidal notion-loving me haha :P

Aku nak buat blog baru lah, guna profile lain~

Of Ramadhan's Pleasure and Cats and Children

Salam. First day of class in Ramadhan and somehow, I felt extraordinarily happy and things could never be wrong today. And it started on the first day of fasting month, where I quelled my anger towards a friend, and later on being so grateful of doing so

Ramadhan, a truly amazing and wondrous month, filled with many little miracles ^^. Plus, it has been raining frequently for quite a while now, which makes fasting a bit smoother to the body, and I have no qualms on this constant rain like usual, somehow

Oh yeah, another reminiscing mode began to invade my thoughts again. And of course, it is just normal for me to reminisce on my childhood memories whenever I'm in a situation where it is the easiest to pinpoint an exact memories, for example this very fasting month itself. Suddenly, my mind began to wander back to the time when all of my nephews and nieces were all gathered in my house, all of them, 13 of them fasting together in the family and having such fun. Really, I miss hanging out with the older boys outside the house, playing games with the bit younger ones, keeping the babies entertained, and teasing the girl, the only one niece that I have back then when Elsa was not born yet, almost all grown up now

Seriously, it's kind of fun to be fasting here in Shah Alam with lots of friend together, but sometimes, I can't escape the feeling of loneliness and being left out, which I'm sure everyone will feel all the same too. Being apart from family, it's a real challenge, but yeah, it's a lesson well-learnt. Like the last episode of Honey and Clover, Yamamoto realised that in order to know how much you care and love someone, you need to be further apart from them

And then, when you miss them so much, you start to realise how very important they are to you, and that's the time when you learn how to truly love someone and care for them...

And yeah, it didn't stop just there. Somehow, just somehow, at the same time too I've been missing all the cats in my life like hell. And reading Ryurisora's blog didn't help at all, now I'm starting to remember back my dreams of having my very own camera to take the pictures of the world, especially the cats huhu...

I'm missing Etong terribly. Both the cat, and the black demon plushies that I gave her...

Tetiba rasa seronok pulak kelas waktu Ramadhan haha~ Tak sabar nak buka puasa dengan every kawan yang aku ada dekat Shah Alam ini ^^

Ramadhan, the Month of Prophet Muhammad's Ummah

Salam. Today is the last day of Sya'ban, and tomorrow will be the first day of the fasting month, Ramadhan

So yeah, goodbyes to the Setan-setan cause they will be chained somewhere only Allah knows, and the doors of heaven will be open wide and the doors of hell will be close shut. So yeah, let's fill this month with darn lots of goodness that we miss upon before, like having solat sunat more often than before, zikir, selawat, tasbih, reading the al-Quran and whatever more that our bestowed mind and akal can think of

But oh hey, say hi to your inner demons, more commonly known as nafsu~ Take good care of not being defeated by that sucker of a weakness in us, I think I ate too much lately and its really getting to me now

Yes, the month of Sya'ban is supposed to be filled with many good deeds and worship to Allah, as the name of the Sya'ban itself suggest, but I think I failed on that. Plus, I think I did a lot of the otherwise more, and now I'm regretting it. One of the worst thing that could've happened is that I nearly lost a friend of mine, a very dear friend of mine. Perhaps this happened because I was so caught up in this life that I forgot to give Allah some thoughts, I played around too much and wasted a lot of time

But hey, Allah is The All Forgiving, The Most Merciful, I was still given a chance to somehow salvage a bit of that very friendship, and along the way, I was able to learn to give up my own ego and be a better man...

It has been quite a rough time before, and I'm still looking for the Tuah di Akhir Sya'ban, like how Miss Nabilah Muhaimin did. But, through all and all, I'm glad that I'm still able to be friend with her, and can finally stand up on my own and put away my despair for the sake of others and myself...

Have a full and fulfilling fasting month people. And to my friends, I will really glad to be able to break fast with you guys again, just like last year ^^

Minta maaf Atikah sebab tak habiskan draf untuk presentation Agama tuh. Aku tau aku hanya menumpang saja dalam group korang, dan aku memang tiada alasan kali ini walaupun aku memang ada benda sebelum ini... Minta maaf...

DEEPER CONVERSATION

Is your favourite colour blue?
Do you always tell the truth?
Do you believe in outerspace?
And im learning you

Is your skin as tanned as mine?
Does your hair flow sideways?
Did someone took a portion of your heart?
And im learning you

And if you dont mind
Can you tell me
All your hopes and fears and
Everything that you believe in
Would you make a difference in the world
I’d love for you to take me to a deeper conversation
Only you can make me

I’ve let my guard down for you
And in time you will too

if you dont mind
Can you tell me
All your hopes and fearsand Everything that you believe in
Would you make a difference in the world
I’d love for you to take me to a deeper conversation
Only you can make me

if you dont mind
Can you tell me
All your hopes and fears
and Everything that you believe in
Would you make a difference in the world
I’d love for you to take me to a deeper conversation
Only you can make me

Sorry for Being a Jerk

Salam. I had lost something else recently, and no, its not something physical like before. I think I had lost a friendship from someone, from someone that means a lot to me

But, its not like I'm gonna think so much about it, moping around the faculty just to show my dissatisfaction or to cut myself to relieve myself of this pain. No, I don't think I'm going to do that for now, cause it may bring temporary cure to this emotional distraught, but it will affect me later on, which I think has already begun or something

I tried to smile to her just now, but she won't even look at me. Yeah, since I said to her to just leave me alone cause I don't want to burden her anymore, I guess it just took on, we won't even look at each other in the face. How hurt I am by my own ego there, how I deeply regretted ever saying that to her. I feared so much of her hating me for telling her all of my problem that I can't stand the thought, that one night I just lost all my fair judgement, saying things to hurt her, so that she will just leave me alone

And here I am, all alone, accomplished in my own stupid bravado that a man should suffer alone without depending on anyone. I tried to be what I'm used to be to only realized what a pathetic existence I had lived before, a loner that is stuck-up in his own world. It really sucks, being a teenager, and to this point late in life I only learned of this...

I don't know if I can keep on trying to smile at her and just be like back then. If she were to keep on ignoring me, I don't know if I can bear with it anymore, the guilt of shutting her away from my life. It is hard enough for me to smile to others, and to know that the one you truly care about won't appreciate your smiles...

Aisyah, I'm really sorry. I guess my ego's too big for my own good for me to say this to you personally...

Aku sedang menghabiskan sisa-sisa assignment yang tinggal...

Humour Me Silly

Salam. Alhamdulillah, I'm all better now. Though my hand is still visible black red all over, I guess that's just what left of it. No more headache, no more coughing, no more sneezing

Huh, all I need to do is to do some heavy laundry and lots of cleaning to do, since all this while all that I had done is just lie down on the bed... Which kind of sucks la man, can I have a maid in my room?

I think I'm back to being lethargic

Semua orang dah ada couple. Boleh aku jadi jejaka Melayu terakhir yang kekal single ke akhir ijazah?

Monophobia

Salam. Though I'm down with high fever and a major headache, I'm glad that it happened to me. I don't blame anyone for it, for I believe that ALLAH put me in this situation so that I can learn something from it. And learn something, I did

"Sometimes, we give the best of our heart uncritically to those who hardly think of us in return..."

Close Up Camera Two, Cause the Hero Dies In This Scene

Salam. Suddenly, my body were overcame with high fever, temperature rising without warning. However, when I'm just about to shrug it off by sleeping in my room, suddenly the high fever were just, gone, my temperature back to normal. And all of this happened in the period of about only two hours while I'm in the class

Oh well, as weird as it is, the hell of a headache is still there. It won't make much difference anyway should anything happen to me

Ah man... Because of this I'm being a jerk again. She talked to me first, where I thought she would never do again, but I just ignored her. And the guys, especially Azim and Danny, I irritated them so much, shouting meaningless crap to their ears and kept forcing them to play DoTA with me even though they don't have any money

Huh, since sorry won't mean a thing anymore... Guess I'm all alone again it seems heh

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa~

Picture Perfect

Salam. If a picture can convey a thousand words composed into a beautiful essay, then this would be one. Just a small fraction of a life's story, but then again, it's the little thing that matters aite?


If only Asasi Tesl 08/09 will forever be there for me and everyone else ehh? If only time does not work its dread on us all, then we all would just stay the same...

Can't friends stay as friends? Without the close one to you went far away? Without the closest one avoiding you because she thinks you had this feeling for her? Without the one that you truly like hating every bit of you?

Hell, degree had just started for me, but how I wish it will end tomorrow. And me saying this by the moment I got hold of my degree certificate...

"Now, why I choose Tesl anyway?"

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