Happy Mother's Day

Salam. I know Mother's Day won't be until tomorrow, but then again perhaps tomorrow there won't any time at all left for me to ponder on such a thing. I got Listening-something paper tomorrow and I need to do my college clearance and stuff and just get the hell outta Meranti

Thing is, this is the only thing that I will do for my mom. Either just secretly wish Mother's Day or just say it to her, nothing else. Never in my life had I bought her any present or promised her to do all the house's chores or whatsoever. But still, I just loved her the same, anytime, anywhere, though my action may speak less louder than the words I'm composing here in my blog

We barely talk much, my mom and I. I barely confide in her of any problem I may had in this life, except for whenever I'm in physical pain, or I'm just plain hungry. But still, back then, we're still so much very close together. I can still remember clinging on her so much back then. Whenever my dad's got angry and start shouting at me, she would be there to protect me. Whenever I would feel afraid, she would hold me tight to let me know that she's there for me. And it seems like with her, crying is easy and a cure for all my pain

There's this one moment as a child that I once mentioned to her, what if I ceased to exist, what if I was never here, what would I feel? I was so afraid, even a slight darkness threw me into delirium, I was so confused. But she, like always, held me dear and said, it is Allah's will and it is Allah's power to give and take everything. She explained more about it that I can barely remember, but knew had an effect on me ever since. The way that she put it, I felt constant relief

But I believe that's the only good advice that I got from her, ever

Nowadays, things aren't the same anymore. I've grown way too big to be dependent on her anymore. Plus, she's getting on that age where she should just be resting nowadays, what with all those diseases and stuff. I should be the one taking care of her now. There's simply no way that I can go to her to cry anymore, I need to carry this burden on my own, heck, I shouldn't cry anymore again. I can't go back to the time where whenever I feels lonely and on my own, I can go to her in search of a company. I'm all alone now, and I can't depend on her anymore

I love my mom so much, even if she can never understand me

Oh well. Since tomorrow's my last paper, perhaps afterwards I'll treat her a call. I will say that the paper was so damn easy that I'm very confident that I can get A++. That'll cheer her up :)

Sesiapa boleh bagitau aku, camna ehh nak study phonetic ehh? Malas arr nak study