Confucius says

Confucius says...

Woman who cooks carrot and peas in the same pot is very unsanitary.

"I see", said the blind man, as he picked up the hammer and saw.

Sir wrote these one liners on the whiteboard while he was teaching us all how intonation can give grammar description. Realizing there's a 'Confucius says' on the board, we all became agitated and a little bit worried that the words are actually meant indirectly towards us. The last time the name Confucius sprung up out of nowhere, it was the time we got our pre-test diagnostics' result, where most of the class scored miserably

I immediately put my pen down after a while of copying down everything from the slides in front. I looked around and saw a few nervous faces, or perhaps that was only my imagination, though I did hear someone trying to interpret the lines. I kept thinking and thinking, what could have possibly gone wrong? What is the meaning of those one liners?

Then Sir stopped teaching halfway, and went on to the lines to explain them. Fearing the worst, giddy with anticipation, another silence seemed to overlap the already presiding silence from before, as the class waited for him to explain the meaning of the words...

(Disclaimer, this is not the actual words of Sir, just a vague recall from a humble me)

"Now looks at these words. What will happen if you put a stress before the word and?" Sir said as he went on to put the stress mark before the word 'and' and erased the letter 'a' and replaced it with an 'e', which resulted in the emergence of the word 'pees' in the place of the 'peas'

The class "Woman who cooks carrot... and PEES in the same pot?!" and we laughed hard at such realization. I guess no one ever saw that one coming, including myself

Sir went on to repeat the same thing with the second one liner by putting a stress mark before the word 'and'. When he repeated the line, not forgetting to stress the words "and SAW!" and made the expression of someone who could suddenly see again, the class chuckled with relief, or again, that was just me. What a magical hammer, I thought in the afterward~

Oh well, thank you Sir. Though you're very strict in your marking, it had in a way helped me to improve myself in the subject. Though sometime your jokes in the class can be deemed quite inappropriate for children some age and below, I really enjoyed laughing to myself at such jokes. Though you have such a thick American accent, I really loved it, cause it somehow makes the learning all the more unique

Last but not least, Sir had taught me to love Confucius' quote too~

不患人之不己知，患不知人也。
I am not bothered by the fact that I'm unknown. I am bothered when I do not know others

Empty Words

I'm a weak person, as I am incomplete as a human being. Whatever I do, there's always something bound to go wrong and cause harm to either myself or unfortunately others. No matter how much thought I put into it, I'm alive, I'm here for a reason, and I can't deny it. There's no contradicting that, despite all I tried to force myself to believe, based on the situation

Even when I'm writing this one down, my ego keeps screaming inside of me, putting me off every time I tried to express my feelings. It keeps reminding me of how much had I suffered by waiting for them, of trying to forgive them. Of why I should just forget about them, and let bygone be bygone. But how could I do so? All of those fond memories that I had shared with them, I just can't forget them all in an instance. I loved them all so much, I can't ever think of seeing them as just strangers the next time I will wake up

Then I look at the mirror, perhaps it is my own fault. Maybe it's paranoia, or maybe it's just me, thinking too much like always. But this I know; I'm not dependable enough, I'm so lazy that at some point it only cause others trouble, I'm too emotional that it cause miseries to people around me. I don't know who really cares about me, and perhaps I never will. Maybe its because I'm too selfish, even to myself. I'm never true to myself, pretty much to those people that I love

But whatever it is, the impending silent and the unbearable loneliness of having no one to talk to is simply too much. Let my ego scream inside, let others think that I'm pathetic or lame to post this publicly that people can see and read, let it be. I couldn't care anymore

found this somewhere in tumblr

How I wrote, I wrote, I wrote, pieces by pieces of everything inside of me between lines of each words in this very post. Yet I don't feel like telling anybody, especially not here, and so I deleted everything. It's too weird, nobody will understand, I'm afraid of how they'll judge me afterward

I guess my ego win. I don't know what to make of this, what do I get from this? Why the hell I'm even writing this, and still deleting whatever it is that I had really meant to express?

Have You Ever Felt Jealous of Birds?

Everyone wants to travel. Deep down inside, there will always be a sparkle of interest of going to a place somewhere that is just not here. Regardless of whether of who you grew up to be, what interest you have in the sense of adventure. People will inevitably in some point of their life, wish upon the chance to escape. Escape from reality, escape from the everyday life, escape from problems, escape from oneself. See the world in a whole different perspective

But just how many have the courage to embark themselves in this little adventure aspiration inside of their heart? To take the risk of going someplace alien to them, with no guarantee of safety and such, to leave behind their work or their studies, loved ones like boyfriends girlfriends or spouses, will they still be there waiting for them question ringing inside of their head. Excuses after excuses, they will just stay in one place, satisfied with their current atmosphere, no any development, nor any regression involved, safe and secure

Say, what if someone stepped right outside by your door step, offering you tickets to faraway places you never thought of possible going to, with only that moment and that day to make your decisions to be on the way or reject that offer? Will you be able to leave your life behind to go on that journey, or will you stay in the same place, content with your current life?

Someone offered me that chance before, and I just threw it away. Maybe if I accepted that offer, I wouldn't ever meet any of all these amazing people that I know today, but then again, I can't just help but wonder how my life would turn out if I were to travel all over the world. To meet lots of different kind of people, to open my eyes to a different view of the sky, to be saying Hello in 7 different languages...

That's just how life is. Next time, I'll fly. I'll fly for sure, with these imaginary wings on my back, my heart filled with ecstasy, my eyes aimed at the furthest corner of the Mother Earth~

Whenever people see birds flying through the sky, it's said that they get the urge to go on a journey
-Kino-

Creep by Radiohead

When you were here before,
Couldn't look you in the eye
You're just like an angel,
Your skin makes me cry

You float like a feather
In a beautiful world
I wish I was special
You're so fuckin' special

But I'm a creep,
I'm a weirdo
What the hell am I doin' here?
I don't belong here

I don't care if it hurts,
I wanna have control
I want a perfect body
I want a perfect soul

I want you to notice
when I'm not around
You're so fuckin' special
I wish I was special

But I'm a creep
I'm a weirdo
What the hell am I doin' here?
I don't belong here, ohhhh, ohhhh

She's running out again
She's running out
She run run run run...
run... run...

Whatever makes you happy
Whatever you want
You're so fuckin' special
I wish I was special

But I'm a creep,
I'm a weirdo
What the hell am I doin' here?
I don't belong here

I don't belong here...

Sometimes, I wish I would still have my old bicycle. I'd pack up some light clothes in a bag with a few good books, and just start going nowhere in particular. Then perhaps I would get loss, with nowhere familiar to turn to. Maybe I'll get robbed, and yeah, go on to be stabbed or something. And who knows, get lonely enough so much that I start groping every stranger in sight in desperate need for a bit of physical affection

Then perhaps I would a get a grip on where exactly I belong in this world. Find out who would still care about me, and who I would miss with each passing seconds and minutes, and maybe along the way what kind of things that matter to me the most

Or maybe I'd learn to just stay home, be grateful and shit. Forget all this little escapade, forget about staying in some foreign country for 12 years without any news, like someone in my family did

...Perhaps I'm really such a creep, a freaking weirdo~

Vague, Haunting Memories of the Past

Nobody likes to be lonely. Whatever they might say, deep inside we're all just the same in that sense. What makes us different individually is how we perceive that loneliness and the degree of it that we can bear as a human being

Let me share with you something about me. I absolutely hate to be lonely. I can't bear the thought of being lonely without a company, so much that I cringe and I start to panic and feels like screaming to know that I will be alone. And it's not that I need someone by my side all the time, what's important to me is the connection. Even if I'm alone in a big city somewhere surrounded by vague mass of strangers, if I know that there is a familiar face somewhere to talk to, I'll be just fine. I can't bear it if people that I know ignores me, funny thoughts would enter my mind, like they hate me, I did something wrong, said something wrong, I'm ugly and they're ignoring me, and I will just push myself away from people to be alone. Despite how much I hate to be lonely...

I went back to my kampung during the second day of raya. It was incredibly silent with almost virtually no one around. Though I had expected this beforehand, witnessing the truth in front of me was shatteringly devastating. So much of my memories flew around my head, spinning endlessly in a tale inside my head of my childhood. So much was lost, so much was gone with the wind, even when it all felt like it had happened just yesterday

That old wooden house is empty. The termites are everywhere, eating up every bits of woods that holds the house high and mighty. The bushy growth by the side of the paddy field adds to the gloomy feeling, the river where we used to catch laga fish in it has run completely dry. I no longer know that place, the place where I used to grow up with my cousins. All the rombongan duit raya, perang meriam buluh kampung, mercun time orang semayang, gasing, guli, bola, sleeping together with only the wooden floor as nesting place during the night while we talked about who we are going to marry in the future

All gone, left behind as only memories to either cherish or forget

Now the pieces are all over the place. Our centre of the universe is already gone, nothing else will bring us back to that one special place like how it used to be. But I know, and I can still remember, all of our memories back then, I will never let it go to waste. I will keep on searching the pieces, and I will try my best to keep it together like how it used to be. Everything changes, but our bond will always be the same, be it stronger or weaker as time weaves on

I'm not alone in this world, as I need to keep reminding myself. Somehow somewhere, people care about you and they love you, as much as you care and you love them. One just need to remember, need to hold on to the memories of the past...

Bearers of the future. Carry on the hope and love of our generation :)

Tart Nenas Tart Nenas Tart Nenas

I don't know why I ended up having an almost pink baju melayu as my baju raya this year. Was I so blind to see that the colour purple was so light that it resembles pink, or was it I just simply don't care anymore?

There's going to be lots of travelling tomorrow. To pick up the pieces that was left devastated last year. Though we no longer have that place to return to, there's still family all over the place, and this is what Raya's supposed to mean right, for families to be together once again

Ohh, tonight I'm going to watch Resident Evil with my nephews~ Gonna have lots of fun while they're still here :D

Selamat Hari Raya, Maaf Zahir dan Batin everyone~

Until we meet again...