The End

Salam. Yes, this is the end. There's nothing grand about this, but then again, when it first started it wasn't such a blast anyway though

So goodbye. Sorry for everything, for what I had done. For always being a fool, for thinking that I understand all of you where I didn't. For procrastinating with my works, until it affects others too. For not being able to control my anger, and always hurting the people that I care for

For being a jerk all this time, I'm sorry...

Blog tutup. Biarlah isi hati aku jadi milik aku seorang sahaja...

The Black Cat with Eyes Coloured Like The Brightest Orange In The World

Salam. Its almost near the end, Ramadhan is, and Raya will be coming soon. So perhaps I should start wishing everybody Hari Raya from now on, and start asking for forgiveness from everyone. That's a lot to be asked for, especially from a jerk like me, but still, Raya is all about forgiveness, aite?

Thanks for everything my friend
You're the only that I can trust, you're the one that's willing to listen
Even when you decided to push me away, you still cared for me
And I can't thank you enough for everything
I love you...

Listening to Ira's group presentation of Paranoia or something during Counseling class made me realize that I'm kind of paranoid and monophobic all this while before, which is kind of scary. This is one reason why I always feel uneasy when I'm in this class, as I always had something that I can relate to myself with all the situations and the scenarios...

Counseling never talks about happy gay euphoric people that smiles all day and insist of the glass being half-full, so yeah

And then another realization kicks in. Somehow, its all just seems to be a thing in a past, well at least a part of it. It seems that even with all the loneliness and the sorrow, all the things that I had witnessed and pondered upon, nineteen years of my life felt like so short. And in a peculiar way, in a way that I can't explain why with just words, I think I have changed a lot during these two years after SPM and in the same time, nothing has changed, nothing at all, both at the same time

One thing for sure, being one of the Asasi Teslians is the biggest change that has ever happened to my life, to my personality, to my view of life, to the way I carry myself in the society. I still had regret about going against my father's wish of seeing me go studying overseas and just stayed here in Shah Alam. Thus, I can't really say that I'm grateful for making this choice, but still... I really don't know what will become of me if I didn't stay here, whether I will be worse than before or better than now...

The road not taken eh? You guys remember that, the poem for literature during what form I can't remember? Where it is about two choices in life, one being the one people normally choose, and the other is what people normally avoid. I guess I had at least once in my life taken the road less taken, to make that difficult choice, heh

Even with the scars of the past journey that still hurts, the thorn that I had endured on this road less taken had made me a stronger person, to be a better man

I can only pray to Allah that I never strayed from the true path in believing in everything that I had wrote previously here in this post. Pray that I can continue learning about this life, understand more about my myself, train myself to be obedient to Allah to fulfill my duty as the khalifah in this world. Pray that I never stray, pray that I don't become just a hypocrite by the end, pray that I never succumb to the darkness again...

This is truly the most meaningful Ramadhan of my life yet, and I'm truly grateful, Alhamdulillah :)

Spontan adalah sangat-sangat best, walaupun tiru konsep Whose Line Is It Anyway, Afdlin Shauki dan yang lain terutamanya Din Beramboi berjaya membuatkan aku gelak-gelak sampai senak-senak habis perut XDDD

Ten Nights

Salam. Pejam celik, pejam celik, or eat sleep study then wander aimlessly with looks of exasperation that make you looks like a creature out of Pan's labyrinth is more like it, and suddenly, Ramadhan is almost over already

Ten days more, and then no more. Ramadhan this year is the most blissful one of all in my opinion, I don't think I can ever have enough of it just yet. And time just had to be cruel, to be so darn incredibly fast

I haven't spend more time with my friends, although during this holy month filled with blessing that a friendship that I treasure so much is saved from being forever lost. That's good, not only for me as I can breathe out relief again to be friend with them again, plus one of the reason that Allah won't accept our good deeds during fasting month is to memutuskan silaturrahim, or to sever our ties and relationship with others

So yeah, not only that we spend our fasting month without gaining anything, when we lost a friendship we are actually losing a part of ourself too, like having something important being taken away from you

I'm glad, for this Ramadhan. Yet I'm also sad, that it going to end soon...

Malam Lailatul Qadar... Mari sama-sama cari malam itu :)

I'm No Emo Teacher XD

Salam. What do you guys perceive me as?...

After two years had passed me by, all this time that she had ignored me because of what I had done to her, all this time that I cherished her memories and live in regret... Finally she had opened up to me again, and are no longer avoiding me. I'm gonna use this chance wisely to atone for my sins, all the mistakes that I had done to her

All that crying when she was suddenly alone, I'm no longer by her side... I don't know if I can ever forgive myself for doing that to her. I guess perhaps this is the reason why the same thing is happening to me right now, its just like karma, what goes around, comes around

I'm so glad to see that she is still like what she used to be, and now she's even matured than before and more God-fearing, Alhamdulillah. She's still cheery as ever, and optimistic even though the pressure of her upcoming exam is getting to her nerve. I like that about her, that's what I had always liked about her, it is somehow some kind of my inspiration back then haha

Then, she said to me that Ariff dah tak emo macam dulu, and I was like, haha seriously I'm not that emo guy you say? Plus she said that nanti jadi cikgu takleh emo-emo, the kids will hate me later on haha. Then suddenly it stuck me like an idea, that I can be better than this. I can become a better person and be this very optimistic guy who doesn't get angry at every single misfortune that I'm afflicted with. Because of this behaviour, I had always felt alone and hurt many people that I care

She showed to me indirectly that I should really look upon life with positive attitude, like how I'm used to back then with her. Yeah, perhaps I should really, really forget about this girl that I had loved so much before, and now had hated me for some reason unknown. Since she's always in my mind before, its no wonder people kept calling me emo, as I would always put up a sad face, lingering around the faculty, putting an ugly, miserable face for a show for people passing by

Thanks, Farah. You showed up again in my life as a miracle for the second time. You taught me many things during that 3 months, and now you taught me something else very important though indirectly. You're the very first person ever to say that I'm sweet, and you're the reason that I am who I am today, free to be myself and not be constrained by the fat bastard that I always see in the mirror...

Twice I had fallen in love with two people that I know should have stayed as friend, but still I followed my feelings and get hurt in the end, and them too. Really, I don't think I deserve to fall in love with another person anymore hahaha XD

I should gather a gazillion friends, but never a lover. Love certainly is not my theme in life, it seems

Sahur hari ini dekat McD, makan McFlurry, Quarter Pounder, dan Bubur Ayam McD. Sumpah kenyang sampai Maghrib nanti XDDD