Lonesome

That feeling came over me again, the irresistible urge to go delete this blog, Myspace, Friendster, and go feeling bad about myself somewhere in a corner. So yuh, that's me in a way, a loser that is easily stressed out by loneliness and exaggerates his wound so others can sympathize with him

Thing is, my mom's not around here anymore. She went to Jakarta a few days ago, which should have included me but for some stupid reason, I'm ditched here alone in the house. Of course, my dad is a;sp here, but he only stays in the home 3 times a week, even with the absence of my mother. My sister, well, she's such a lazy sister and cook, I only bother going to her house so that I can play with her son and play the PS2. So yeah, basically I'm an 18 years old dude who have the whole house to himself (sometimes) and both a car and a motorbike ready to be used

Sounds like fun, the idea of such freedom isn't it?

Yet, all the euphoria of having the right to wander alone by your own free will stops there. I'm darn HUNGRY. No matter whenever my dad take me for lunch or dinner or I go to my sister's house or I just simply go anywhere I like to satisfy my hunger, it somehow never feels enough for me. Had to admit, since I was indulging my mum's cooking non-stop since the holiday started, I miss it now. Though, yuh, I've gained a few bulge here and there, I don't mind it even a little, in fact, I just don't care

To put it simply, I'm just lonely here, without my mum suddenly I felt like I've lost the center of my universe. Somehow, oh somehow, with her departure, somehow I feel like everything else seems to be going far away too. For example, the closest family member that I have now, which is my dad and sister. Remember the saying, so close yet so far away? Let just put it that way. So in a way, I visit the cyber cafe regularly, checking my Friendster and Myspace accounts...

But that's just stupid, hoping on something that isn't there in front of you

Harap2 sangat cuti kali ni cepat habis, dan mak balik la cepattt...

He's on Paper

Greetings

A short note, Asyraf is now on paper after he's been on TV. For all lovely ladies and gentlemens that have been reading my previous post before know who Asyraf really is and what his condition really are

Here's the update

Sekarang tngh busy menghabiskan Suikoden V, habis tht, Suikoden III, IV, Grandia III, bla3 dlm masa cuti nih...

Post-it-note

Assalamualaikum wbt, and welcome...

Greetings put aside, let me tell you the truth. I'm not in the mood to write anything, pretty much lengthy post like I'm used to create before. One could see it coming, as my blog seems to be lame lately

Not to disappoint, myself at that particularly, I've got a new blog to follow. The author is actually the very first nephew I've ever got when I was little, at two months old. Imagine, we're about the same age, and he called me uncle. Wonder wonder. Oh yuh, his blog is a little bit jiwang, but perhaps you guys won't mind

Well, since I can't write now, gotta read somebody else's right?

Boring duk rumah, pi cc main spore ngan red alert 3 ja kejanya

Home Sweet Home

As the title suggest, :)

Monster

Ahhh, another drama unfolding in just a short period of just two weeks. Reminder, when I say drama, please don't think of it as 'drama', where shit happens, this and that, bla3 like in the TV soap drama. What I mean to say is there's so much happening here right now.

I had always known of my own anger, the length and tha aptitude of it. How I can just explode and burst out in an instant away. Through the years of my life's course, I've seen me hurting people all the way because of my anger. And sometimes, I can't help but to wander, is it the reason why I have been alone all this while? When I'm with my family, sometimes I just ended being a corner somewhere minding my own business. When I'm walking with friends, I always find myself to be at the back of the group, left out of all discussion taking place

Yeah, I've been known to be quite the shouter and the curser when I lost it. For that very reason I've lost some good friend. Though most of them I managed to get apology from, still, I will always feel regret for hurting them, especially for the one that I didn't manage to say sorry to. I feel like a monster, hurting everyone that ever get close to me. O Allah, why did my anger can't be controlled? Maybe I'm to blame myself, for not reciting holy verses that I could learn, but always being procrastinate to learn it

And I never sit down, when I need to do it most

To Pak Din, Zack, Amri, Izo, I don't know if you guys do read my blog, but I just wanna tell you guys that I'm really sorry for bursting out at you guys. Especially Zack, eventhough you cracked me with your stupid acts, but I had done some stupid things to you also. I'm not in the place to be angry with you guys at all, I just don't have the right. I'm a weak person, and I'm still learning. Sorry, for shouting at you guys that night, and for avoiding you all ever since

If not, I don't know if I can't stand the loneliness again

Exam dh nak abeh, napa lah time nih perangai lama aku nk jadi balik? Oh rumahku...

Forgiven

It only takes a minute to get to know someone, but an eternity to forget them back. How true that saying is...

Couldn't save you from the start
Love you so it hurts my soul
Can you forgive me for trying again
Your silence makes me hold my breath
Oh, time has passed you by

Oh, for so long I've tried to shield you from the world
Oh, you couldn't face the freedom on your own
Here I am left in silence

You gave up the fight
You left me behind
All that's done's forgiven
Though forever you'll hate me
I know deep inside
All that's done's forgiven

I watched the clouds drifting away
Still the sun can't warm my face
I know it was destined to go wrong
You were looking for the great escape
To chase your demons away

I've been so lost since you've gone
Why not me before you
Why did fate deceive me
Everything turned out so wrong
Why did you leave me in silence

You gave up the fight
You left me behind
All that's done's forgiven
Though forever you'll hate me
I know deep inside all that's done forgiven

So you won't talk to me again, ignoring me like I don't even exist in this world. Since you would go as far as refusing to acknowledge me as your first love, then I'm gonna do the same. Live your life without me, for now I will never try to remember your face again nor your name ever again

Ahmad Ariffuddin has never been in love before, and he won't care about the past anymore, only the future. Only the future...

Exam x abeh lg, Selasa nih dh la ada MUET speaking plak. Maseh Fauzan kos tip aku sket utk MUET speaking nnti :)